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A review by jfbfsf
The Ones We Choose by Julie Clark
2.0
I think my main issue with the book, and one that didn't allow me to really engage in a lot of the drama that made up the plot lines, was this: a sperm donor is not a father.
A sperm donor has no responsibility to children conceived from his sperm - he's not THEIR DAD. He plays no part in their lives. A wife getting all enraged at the idea of finding out that her husband was a sperm donor years before they met doesn't make any sense to me. A boy who is sad because he doesn't have a dad does make sense - but finding information on his sperm donor is not the same as telling him about who his dad was.
Sometimes kids are sad about their life circumstances - sad that they can't take the same trips that friends take, sad that they don't have grandparents living nearby, sad that they don't have a pet. A parent's job is to help the kid deal with the reality of their lives, process the sadness, recognize other joys in life, despite whatever is missing, and move on. A parent's job is not to get all angsty and try to find whatever it is that the kid doesn't have/fill the hole. The mom in this book made the choice to have a child with donated sperm - so when the kid gets all sad that he doesn't have a dad, she should have just worked with him on dealing with the reality of the choice that she made, and the beauty of the family they do have. Not try to dig up info on a sperm donor and say "look - you do have a dad!"
Ok, that part aside... some of the school story lines didn't ring true for me. The super fast friendship between the two women in the book. The shaming of a working mom (in this day and age, I seriously can't imagine a public school community insisting that every parent volunteer, and/or not being able to conceive of volunteer opportunities for people who are not available during the day.) Also the whole family tree assignment - with NO VARIATIONS! - seemed unlikely.
The mom was just so angsty. But she's also a super driven, super smart scientist! I'm sure someone CAN be both... but I definitely got tired of all her hand wringing.
And the little science-y interludes between chapters felt so much like a boring school lecture that halfway through the book I started skipping them.
I'm a huge fan of Lisa Genova, and really didn't feel that this book deserved the comparison in the jacket blurbs.
Overall it was fine, and I finished it, but clearly it wasn't the best book I've read this month - or even this week.
A sperm donor has no responsibility to children conceived from his sperm - he's not THEIR DAD. He plays no part in their lives. A wife getting all enraged at the idea of finding out that her husband was a sperm donor years before they met doesn't make any sense to me. A boy who is sad because he doesn't have a dad does make sense - but finding information on his sperm donor is not the same as telling him about who his dad was.
Sometimes kids are sad about their life circumstances - sad that they can't take the same trips that friends take, sad that they don't have grandparents living nearby, sad that they don't have a pet. A parent's job is to help the kid deal with the reality of their lives, process the sadness, recognize other joys in life, despite whatever is missing, and move on. A parent's job is not to get all angsty and try to find whatever it is that the kid doesn't have/fill the hole. The mom in this book made the choice to have a child with donated sperm - so when the kid gets all sad that he doesn't have a dad, she should have just worked with him on dealing with the reality of the choice that she made, and the beauty of the family they do have. Not try to dig up info on a sperm donor and say "look - you do have a dad!"
Ok, that part aside... some of the school story lines didn't ring true for me. The super fast friendship between the two women in the book. The shaming of a working mom (in this day and age, I seriously can't imagine a public school community insisting that every parent volunteer, and/or not being able to conceive of volunteer opportunities for people who are not available during the day.) Also the whole family tree assignment - with NO VARIATIONS! - seemed unlikely.
The mom was just so angsty. But she's also a super driven, super smart scientist! I'm sure someone CAN be both... but I definitely got tired of all her hand wringing.
And the little science-y interludes between chapters felt so much like a boring school lecture that halfway through the book I started skipping them.
I'm a huge fan of Lisa Genova, and really didn't feel that this book deserved the comparison in the jacket blurbs.
Overall it was fine, and I finished it, but clearly it wasn't the best book I've read this month - or even this week.