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A review by kimball_hansen
The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward by Daniel H. Pink
4.0
One of my favorite authors about one of my favorite topics. The only teaching that this book was lacking was the Atonement. And once you understand a bit about the Atonement it leaves this book feeling kinda hollow.
Back story here: During 2020, while living in Iwakuni, Japan I got an email from the author about this website World Regret Survey. I took one of the surveys. And at 45 minutes or the last comment in chapter 2 you can read what I wrote! I'm famous again!
Notes:
Regret is better understood less as a thing and more as a process.
If I can reconfigure the past to create an alternate reality then I can recreate the present and choose a new reality. Time travel and fabulism are a new super power.
Regret is a marker of a healthy maturity mind. Kids start to realize regret around age 6.
Comparison lives at regrets core.
You can view something of At Least or If Only.
We need the ability to regret our poor decisions to feel bad about them precisely so we can improve those decisions in the future. But lingering on regret doesn't help at all.
All regrets aggravate. But you want the productive regret to aggravate then activate. When you feel the spirit of regret you have three possible responses: 1) you can bury and minimalize it - delusion, 2) you can wallow in it - despair, or 3) or think about it - address it.
The four categories in the deep structure of regret:
1) Foundation regret. It's a failure of foresight and conscientiousness. "If only I'd done the work."
2) Boldness regrets. The regrets arise from not taking advantage of the platform and doing something great when you had the chance. It's the choice between play it safe or take a chance. "If only I had taken that risk." The pain of boldness regret is the pain of what if. It's easier to retreat into comfort and harder to pedal into uncertainty. The human need for this regret is growth.
3) Moral regrets. These regrets are the smallest - about 10% of those surveyed - but they are the deepest and ache the most. But they're also the most complex because not everyone knows what moral means. It says, "If only I'd done the right thing."
4) Connection regret, the largest category of the deep structures. "If only I'd reached out." The human need for this regret is Love.
All four of the core regrets involve opportunity or obligation or both.
What people regret the most shows what they value the most.
Inaction regrets are very difficult to do because the time has usually past.
One way to feel better about a regret is to say at least instead of if only. "I didn't get to stay in Iwakuni, but at least I met my wife there." At least can turn regret into relief.
Feeling is for thinking and thinking is for doing.
"In the future will I regret this scenario if I don't do X?"
Optimize regret instead of minimize them.
"Open the hood of regret and you'll see what powering it is storytelling." We love at the intersection of free will and circumstance.
Back story here: During 2020, while living in Iwakuni, Japan I got an email from the author about this website World Regret Survey. I took one of the surveys. And at 45 minutes or the last comment in chapter 2 you can read what I wrote! I'm famous again!
Notes:
Regret is better understood less as a thing and more as a process.
If I can reconfigure the past to create an alternate reality then I can recreate the present and choose a new reality. Time travel and fabulism are a new super power.
Regret is a marker of a healthy maturity mind. Kids start to realize regret around age 6.
Comparison lives at regrets core.
You can view something of At Least or If Only.
We need the ability to regret our poor decisions to feel bad about them precisely so we can improve those decisions in the future. But lingering on regret doesn't help at all.
All regrets aggravate. But you want the productive regret to aggravate then activate. When you feel the spirit of regret you have three possible responses: 1) you can bury and minimalize it - delusion, 2) you can wallow in it - despair, or 3) or think about it - address it.
The four categories in the deep structure of regret:
1) Foundation regret. It's a failure of foresight and conscientiousness. "If only I'd done the work."
2) Boldness regrets. The regrets arise from not taking advantage of the platform and doing something great when you had the chance. It's the choice between play it safe or take a chance. "If only I had taken that risk." The pain of boldness regret is the pain of what if. It's easier to retreat into comfort and harder to pedal into uncertainty. The human need for this regret is growth.
3) Moral regrets. These regrets are the smallest - about 10% of those surveyed - but they are the deepest and ache the most. But they're also the most complex because not everyone knows what moral means. It says, "If only I'd done the right thing."
4) Connection regret, the largest category of the deep structures. "If only I'd reached out." The human need for this regret is Love.
All four of the core regrets involve opportunity or obligation or both.
What people regret the most shows what they value the most.
Inaction regrets are very difficult to do because the time has usually past.
One way to feel better about a regret is to say at least instead of if only. "I didn't get to stay in Iwakuni, but at least I met my wife there." At least can turn regret into relief.
Feeling is for thinking and thinking is for doing.
"In the future will I regret this scenario if I don't do X?"
Optimize regret instead of minimize them.
"Open the hood of regret and you'll see what powering it is storytelling." We love at the intersection of free will and circumstance.