A review by lnlee78
Before I Let Go by Marieke Nijkamp

4.0

This book meant a lot to me. As someone who knows what it's like to lose a friend (and be left wondering "I should have done more, I should have helped, I should have been there, etc."), what it's like to leave somewhere you call home and come back again--only to find out that the place (and yourself!) has changed, etc., there was a lot of stuff in this book that tugged at my heartstrings. The overall story isn't something I'd normally read (honestly the book was vaguely too stressful for me at times, although I did appreciate the "reveal" at the end), I saw myself in a lot of the scenes and in both Corey and Kyra. I didn't agree with a lot about what what Corey thought about Kyra+mental illness (I'm really picky on bipolar rep from an outsider POV since I have friends/loved ones who have bipolar disorder and have similar symptoms myself), I appreciated the note that the book ended with (Corey accepting that mental illness was just a part of Kyra, FULL STOP, without idealizing it, demonizing it, etc.) I also appreciated that it had snippets from Kyra's POV, which unfortunately a lot of other books about bipolar disorder don't have (i.e: there are some books out there where it's just from the friend/family's POV that were pretty Othering at times.) Finally, I loved Corey's emotional arc of coming to terms with Kyra's death, etc., which I could relate to a lot. I hated almost everyone in the book except the main characters and their friends (which I think is kinda the point?) but I never really trusted anyone to begin with so I'm good, lol. I enjoyed it mostly for the writing, the emotions, and reflections on life/the past/storytelling/etc rather than the plot, itself.