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A review by courtofbingereading
Even If I Fall by Abigail Johnson
5.0
***Thank you to NetGalley and Harlequin Teen for sending me this ARC in exchange for an honest review***
“I can’t find the words to explain myself or to tell her that just because I’m not slamming things or crying doesn’t mean I’m not hurting any less.”
Prepare to feel all of the emotions with this stunningly heart-wrenching contemporary novel. This is the first book I have read by Abigail Johnson, and now I’m scrambling to add all of her others to my TBR list. That is how much I love her writing.
Even if I Fall is a story about the aftermath of a murder conviction. Brooke Covington’s brother, Jason, confessed to killing his best friend, Cal, a year ago. Ever since that fateful day, Brooke and her family’s lives have been irrevocably changed. Brooke and her younger sister, Laura, are now homeschooled due to being bullied and ostracized at school. Brooke’s mom hides her pain by acting as if Jason is just away at college while also taking off on random runs throughout the day. Brooke’s father spends all of his time in the basement working. Laura has shut down emotionally and physically. All she ever does is listen to music or watch TV on her phone. Needless to say, Brooke feels lonely. No one wants to speak about Jason or what happened that fateful night, but Brooke needs to; she’s plagued by nightmares of the various possibilities of that night. She’s desperately trying to reconcile the brother she knows and loves with this version of him that has committed a heinous crime.
There doesn’t seem to be anyone who can relate to Brooke--except Heath, Cal’s brother. At first, Brooke feels undeniable guilt when she sees Heath on the side of the road with his broken-down truck. How can she feel sad about her life when she still has her brother and he doesn’t? How can she feel happy knowing her brother took away his?
After a few encounters, Brooke and Heath find themselves drawn to the other. No one else quite understands their respective situations. Together they learn how to navigate the rocky terrain of their brothers and learn that they aren't a reflection of their siblings.
I can’t say enough great things about this book. Johnson’s words convey such raw, real feelings that I was brought to tears...numerous times. The love Brooke has for her family is nothing short of beautiful. Her dedication, selflessness, and grief were written so incredibly well that I actually felt her internal struggles. I honestly cannot imagine how I would act if I were in her shoes.
This is such a phenomenal story about grief, guilt, shame, and forgiveness. Even if I Fall explores how everyone navigates these emotions in vastly different ways that can actually be harmful to others. Some people shut down like Laura in the face of trauma, but shutting down can hurt those around you who need to vocalize their feelings such as Brooke.
However, this is also a story about not letting someone’s past dictate your own future. When this book starts, Brooke has given up on her ice-skating dreams for her family even though deep down she clings to a kernel of hope that maybe one day she will skate professionally. One of my favorite themes from this book is forgiveness. Brooke has to learn how to forgive her whole family and herself for how they have dealt with this painful situation. But, she also has to learn that she never needed to take on her brother’s guilt for his actions. Though everyone in town acts as if she (and her whole family) too killed Cal, she didn’t. So why is she punishing herself for a crime she didn’t commit?
I could go on and on about this book--which is why you should read it. I need people to discuss with about this book! This story is truly beautiful and I cannot recommend it enough.
“I can’t find the words to explain myself or to tell her that just because I’m not slamming things or crying doesn’t mean I’m not hurting any less.”
Prepare to feel all of the emotions with this stunningly heart-wrenching contemporary novel. This is the first book I have read by Abigail Johnson, and now I’m scrambling to add all of her others to my TBR list. That is how much I love her writing.
Even if I Fall is a story about the aftermath of a murder conviction. Brooke Covington’s brother, Jason, confessed to killing his best friend, Cal, a year ago. Ever since that fateful day, Brooke and her family’s lives have been irrevocably changed. Brooke and her younger sister, Laura, are now homeschooled due to being bullied and ostracized at school. Brooke’s mom hides her pain by acting as if Jason is just away at college while also taking off on random runs throughout the day. Brooke’s father spends all of his time in the basement working. Laura has shut down emotionally and physically. All she ever does is listen to music or watch TV on her phone. Needless to say, Brooke feels lonely. No one wants to speak about Jason or what happened that fateful night, but Brooke needs to; she’s plagued by nightmares of the various possibilities of that night. She’s desperately trying to reconcile the brother she knows and loves with this version of him that has committed a heinous crime.
There doesn’t seem to be anyone who can relate to Brooke--except Heath, Cal’s brother. At first, Brooke feels undeniable guilt when she sees Heath on the side of the road with his broken-down truck. How can she feel sad about her life when she still has her brother and he doesn’t? How can she feel happy knowing her brother took away his?
After a few encounters, Brooke and Heath find themselves drawn to the other. No one else quite understands their respective situations. Together they learn how to navigate the rocky terrain of their brothers and learn that they aren't a reflection of their siblings.
I can’t say enough great things about this book. Johnson’s words convey such raw, real feelings that I was brought to tears...numerous times. The love Brooke has for her family is nothing short of beautiful. Her dedication, selflessness, and grief were written so incredibly well that I actually felt her internal struggles. I honestly cannot imagine how I would act if I were in her shoes.
This is such a phenomenal story about grief, guilt, shame, and forgiveness. Even if I Fall explores how everyone navigates these emotions in vastly different ways that can actually be harmful to others. Some people shut down like Laura in the face of trauma, but shutting down can hurt those around you who need to vocalize their feelings such as Brooke.
However, this is also a story about not letting someone’s past dictate your own future. When this book starts, Brooke has given up on her ice-skating dreams for her family even though deep down she clings to a kernel of hope that maybe one day she will skate professionally. One of my favorite themes from this book is forgiveness. Brooke has to learn how to forgive her whole family and herself for how they have dealt with this painful situation. But, she also has to learn that she never needed to take on her brother’s guilt for his actions. Though everyone in town acts as if she (and her whole family) too killed Cal, she didn’t. So why is she punishing herself for a crime she didn’t commit?
I could go on and on about this book--which is why you should read it. I need people to discuss with about this book! This story is truly beautiful and I cannot recommend it enough.