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Homebodies
by Tembe Denton-Hurst
I found myself in a lot of these chapters, connecting deeply with the feelings of being utterly lost after losing a career.
When I was not renewed at my school, the identity I had been building since I was an 11th grader (when I decided to become an English teacher) shattered. I felt like a failure. I felt like a lie. I felt like nothing I ever did mattered, and nothing I would ever do in the future would be as important. I question every choice I made; analyzed every mistake. I had no closure when I was let go. My principal never gave me a reason, or hinted on what I should improve upon. I still don't know. But after three school districts in three years, two moves, two cities, and one horrible car accident -- I listened to the universe. Teaching wasn't for me. It was and is still the hardest thing for me to admit.The shame filled my veins. The loss hollowed my heart. I'm still looking for something to fill my world with purpose.
Losing this piece of myself fucked me up, and in a lot of ways I'm still healing.This book touches on how obsessed our society is with work. If you aren't working or producing or productive - you hold no value. Aren't worthy of love. You aren't interesting.
And if you happen to be a person of color, how there is an extra layer of doubt over everything. How being a woman forces us to work harder for less recognition or pay. How women treat each other in competitive work environments, the micro-aggressions, the judgement instead of support and camaraderie. When I was let go, I questioned everything. Every intention, and every perspective. I still wonder if it was because I was a person of color in a small conservative town. My mind drifts there because that's simply where a mind goes when you have brown skin. This book captures that unspeakable tension perfectly.
(I taught at the school I literally went to as a teen, and I was one of the few ethically diverse kids at my school. Teaching there was more of the same. White, Christian dominant. I was fed the line, "not a good fit" the day I was told my contract was not being renewed for the upcoming school year. But in my head I knew that was a lie. I attended that school. I survived the loss of my dad in that school. I found my identity as a writer in that school. I found a mentor in that school that later became my teaching partner. I wanted to turn to my principal and say, "Bitch I am this school! You're the outsider!" Obviously, I didn't...)
This is an important read, and an impressive debut novel. Critical race theory, queer theory, gender theory, historicism... The layers are endless, but the message so honest, raw, and necessary.
When I was not renewed at my school, the identity I had been building since I was an 11th grader (when I decided to become an English teacher) shattered. I felt like a failure. I felt like a lie. I felt like nothing I ever did mattered, and nothing I would ever do in the future would be as important. I question every choice I made; analyzed every mistake. I had no closure when I was let go. My principal never gave me a reason, or hinted on what I should improve upon. I still don't know. But after three school districts in three years, two moves, two cities, and one horrible car accident -- I listened to the universe. Teaching wasn't for me. It was and is still the hardest thing for me to admit.The shame filled my veins. The loss hollowed my heart. I'm still looking for something to fill my world with purpose.
Losing this piece of myself fucked me up, and in a lot of ways I'm still healing.This book touches on how obsessed our society is with work. If you aren't working or producing or productive - you hold no value. Aren't worthy of love. You aren't interesting.
And if you happen to be a person of color, how there is an extra layer of doubt over everything. How being a woman forces us to work harder for less recognition or pay. How women treat each other in competitive work environments, the micro-aggressions, the judgement instead of support and camaraderie. When I was let go, I questioned everything. Every intention, and every perspective. I still wonder if it was because I was a person of color in a small conservative town. My mind drifts there because that's simply where a mind goes when you have brown skin. This book captures that unspeakable tension perfectly.
(I taught at the school I literally went to as a teen, and I was one of the few ethically diverse kids at my school. Teaching there was more of the same. White, Christian dominant. I was fed the line, "not a good fit" the day I was told my contract was not being renewed for the upcoming school year. But in my head I knew that was a lie. I attended that school. I survived the loss of my dad in that school. I found my identity as a writer in that school. I found a mentor in that school that later became my teaching partner. I wanted to turn to my principal and say, "Bitch I am this school! You're the outsider!" Obviously, I didn't...)
This is an important read, and an impressive debut novel. Critical race theory, queer theory, gender theory, historicism... The layers are endless, but the message so honest, raw, and necessary.