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vraegan 's review for:
The Book of Boundaries
by Melissa Urban
I was initially leery about this because the author is "just a person" drawing on her own life experiences with boundaries instead of a person with a degree drawing on what they have read about boundaries. But I have to say, having read such books back to back, this one is the clear and obvious winner.
There is a lot of wisdom here, and it is refreshingly free of sanitized, generic sound bites. The scripts are very specific to situations but still worth a read, and good models to reflect on. This is the most effective explanation of the kindness and right to self-preservation that ought to belie personal boundaries, which I think is critically needed in a misogynist, capitalist culture that benefits from women believing that we "owe" others what they want, when they want it, on their terms - or else be labelled a difficult bitch.
A highlight for me was the time she spends discussing how to proactively identify WHEN you need a boundary. Mine usually dissolve when I most need them. I don't know why but my brain felt such happiness and shock to register that I can just tell people, "Wow, I'm not going to answer that question." I'm going to tell so many strangers that starting today.
There is a lot of wisdom here, and it is refreshingly free of sanitized, generic sound bites. The scripts are very specific to situations but still worth a read, and good models to reflect on. This is the most effective explanation of the kindness and right to self-preservation that ought to belie personal boundaries, which I think is critically needed in a misogynist, capitalist culture that benefits from women believing that we "owe" others what they want, when they want it, on their terms - or else be labelled a difficult bitch.
A highlight for me was the time she spends discussing how to proactively identify WHEN you need a boundary. Mine usually dissolve when I most need them. I don't know why but my brain felt such happiness and shock to register that I can just tell people, "Wow, I'm not going to answer that question." I'm going to tell so many strangers that starting today.