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A review by kaabtik
May the Best Man Win by Z.R. Ellor
emotional
reflective
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
1.5
you know when you see your deepest fears and insecurities on paper and there's this feeling of dread? yeah, this is how i felt reading this book.
i found myself drawn to this book because jeremy was literally all i was—an ambitious overachiever with too much glib than necessary. down to the name and his romantic experience, he felt like someone i could relate to. and boy did i relate to him. that much i expected.
what i also expected was for things to be happy. for this fictional jeremy to have what i couldn't: a way out and a happy ending. i expected the rage, the self destruction, and the fear.
what i got, for better or for worse, was a mess.
first off, this is not a lighthearted book. this is not a romantic comedy about a gay transguy falling out of and into (again) with his rival turned boyfriend turned ex. this is about two very messy boys fumbling for a light switch in the dark that is high school.
i bought this book because i wanted that. i wanted that so bad and seeing my name !! my experience !! to be given something i couldn't have made me so excited. instead i had all the darkest parts of being trans constantly thrown into my face every other page.
both jeremy and lukas are terrible people—both as individuals and as a couple. whatever tension they had was completely overshadowed by the fact that they were crossing multiple lines instead of sitting down and having a conversation. and i get it. queer kids don't have to be kind and understanding. but lukas literally sent out a presentation with jeremy's pre-transition photos to the entire student body. jeremy sunk ben—a very good friend to both of them— nearly costing him his shot at university applications.
and i get it. i get what the author is trying to do: to lash out righteous anger at everything that went wrong when they were younger. to stop being the polite queer kid and throw metaphorical and literal knives at everyone who crossed them. i fantasized about this power more times than i could admit and i wanted to cheer for jeremy. i really did.
but i couldn't. not when they were trampling over every good person in their group. not when a lot of their issues were swept under the rug at the final act for them to be back as a couple. not when there was barely anyone in the group who put their foot down and stopped the nonsense they were doing.
there were a lot of other problematic elements that other reviews have covered, as well. and i just. i felt betrayed, because i bought this physically and wanted to enjoy it so bad. but i can't in good faith recommend this to anyone. especially to young trans guys. who also want a love story of being some boy kissin some boy.
i found myself drawn to this book because jeremy was literally all i was—an ambitious overachiever with too much glib than necessary. down to the name and his romantic experience, he felt like someone i could relate to. and boy did i relate to him. that much i expected.
what i also expected was for things to be happy. for this fictional jeremy to have what i couldn't: a way out and a happy ending. i expected the rage, the self destruction, and the fear.
what i got, for better or for worse, was a mess.
first off, this is not a lighthearted book. this is not a romantic comedy about a gay transguy falling out of and into (again) with his rival turned boyfriend turned ex. this is about two very messy boys fumbling for a light switch in the dark that is high school.
i bought this book because i wanted that. i wanted that so bad and seeing my name !! my experience !! to be given something i couldn't have made me so excited. instead i had all the darkest parts of being trans constantly thrown into my face every other page.
both jeremy and lukas are terrible people—both as individuals and as a couple. whatever tension they had was completely overshadowed by the fact that they were crossing multiple lines instead of sitting down and having a conversation. and i get it. queer kids don't have to be kind and understanding. but lukas literally sent out a presentation with jeremy's pre-transition photos to the entire student body. jeremy sunk ben—a very good friend to both of them— nearly costing him his shot at university applications.
and i get it. i get what the author is trying to do: to lash out righteous anger at everything that went wrong when they were younger. to stop being the polite queer kid and throw metaphorical and literal knives at everyone who crossed them. i fantasized about this power more times than i could admit and i wanted to cheer for jeremy. i really did.
but i couldn't. not when they were trampling over every good person in their group. not when a lot of their issues were swept under the rug at the final act for them to be back as a couple. not when there was barely anyone in the group who put their foot down and stopped the nonsense they were doing.
there were a lot of other problematic elements that other reviews have covered, as well. and i just. i felt betrayed, because i bought this physically and wanted to enjoy it so bad. but i can't in good faith recommend this to anyone. especially to young trans guys. who also want a love story of being some boy kissin some boy.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Ableism, Toxic relationship, Misogyny, Bullying, and Transphobia
Moderate: Deadnaming, Alcohol, and Death
Minor: Lesbophobia