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lnluck13 's review for:
Naomi and Ely's No Kiss List
by Rachel Cohn, David Levithan
Read as an audiobook
So, this book has a lot of personal significance to me without me reading it until now. In 8th grade, I picked up this book, knowing that I was gay, that this book had gay characters, and that no one would know that about this book unless they read the summary. I got away with it, and my mom bought it for me at Target. But. Before I read it, my mom had read the summary, and she told me that it was too mature for me. I was 13 and gay, and gay characters were too sexual. This book sat in my mom's bedside table until someone eventually donated it or something. I had been looking for something for her, and it sat there right in the drawer, untouched and unopened. I didn't touch it or pick it up, but it hurt to have a part of myself treated like this. Locked away where people who might want it can never find it.
Things are a lot different today. I'm not out to everyone, but I am out to my mom. She has bought other queer books for me since then, she has seen them on my shelf or in my hands, and she has listened to me explain their plots. I came out when she asked during my plot summary of Let's Talk About Love. Books are tightly connected to my coming out journey, and I think that Naomi and Ely's No-Kiss List must be recognized as the start of that journey.
Now, June 2019, Pride Month, 10 or 11 years after I first had this book in my hands, on the day I walked in a Pride Parade for the 3rd year in a row, I finished this book.
Now, as for the book itself, it is okay (kinda whimsical?), but it has some major elements to consider.
1. These are shitty main characters. Like... they are not good people. They act shitty. And the authors don't try to hide that. They fully embrace the "Yeah, you would probably hate these people if you met them, but here's their story." I don't dislike that, but for a hot minute, I would forget that, and then they would do something and make me go "Oh, right. You are like *that*." But mainly, the thing about shitty people is they are real. I can be a shitty person, too, so I don't hold that against the book like some other things.
2. Like the fact the book has not aged well in how it treats queer characters, and there are two parts to this.
2A. Homophobia. This book does make some attempts to subvert stereotypes, but, most of the time, it bathes in them without subversion. Our main gay guy character is flamboyant, promiscuous, overly sexual, into fashion and judges people on their fashion, and more. We do see other gay characters who are and aren't stereotypical, but when the main character is almost a waking stereotype, it is not great. Do I think that it may been done purposely to make the story approachable to publishers and YA readers who didn't have much experience with real gay people? A bit, but, even back then, they could have fought the stereotyping a little stronger than the maybe 3 comments. Another aspect of the homophobia is how other characters treat, talk about, and think about Ely based on his sexuality, especially Naomi. Lots of homophobic comments left unchecked.
2B. Biphobia. There are about 3 characters who might identify as bi or pan to some extent, but are only allowed to be gay or straight. Also, two of them are cheaters. The first is one of Ely's moms, referred to as a lesbian, who has an extended affair with Naomi's dad. They describe the affair ending as Ely's mom remembering she was a lesbian. And that's... a lot. Then, we have Bruce (the second), who was Naomi's boyfriend until he kissed Ely. He describes himself as not caring about gender in who he loves in a sequence that feels almost pulled from bi/pan people's tumblrs (not meant as a bad thing). Yet, everyone calls him gay now. Do I think that a lot of people also use gay as a catch-all, especially in 2008? Yeah, but bi/pan people also existed. I mean this could be another "Make the Book Approachable" thing, but still. Not great.
3. The worst part of the book. The initial conflict of the book is Ely kissing Naomi's boyfriend, Bruce, who she didn't think she had to put on the No-Kiss List. This is rarely treated as the wrong thing. Ely repeatedly states that he is not guilty for doing it and doesn't apologize because he doesn't feel like he has to. He is also not guilty when it continues. Many different perspectives are basically like "Naomi is sure overreacting to Ely, her best friend, kissing her boyfriend." Multiple times, her reaction to it is treated as the real problem. At the end of the book, Naomi herself even says something like, "Ely did nothing wrong, but be himself." GIRL! HE STOLE YOUR BOYFRIEND. HE DEFINITELY DID SOMETHING WRONG! (the fact that cheating is treated as part of his gayness is a whole other issue) However, the book tries to rebalance this issue by saying that Naomi loved Ely anyway and was expecting a gay guy to go back to straight for her (not great, but is unrequited love equal to cheating? NO!), that Naomi and Bruce didn't realllllyyyy love each other, that it was a bad relationship (even though they didn't fight and were happy with each other), and that Bruce and Ely are a better match. Nothing can balance with the cheating enough to make it so Naomi shouldn't have been upset about this breach of trust and cheating (even if she was explained as more upset that Ely wouldn't be hers). It was just kinda misogynistic in the end when all we got for someone saying it was wrong was Ely saying that his relationship with Bruce *started wrong*, but was right anyway. Ughhhhhhhh.
4. The best part about the book. The major themes that expectations and assumptions make an ass out of you and me and that relationships require work are pretty good. Naomi expects Ely to eventually stop being gay for her. Naomi expects that she doesn't need to put her boyfriend on the No-Kiss List. They expect that the No-Kiss List will help them deal with their underlying problems. These and other expectations are broken, and that lets the characters work on their relationships and problems head on. The characters importantly realize that they have to work for the relationships and lives they want.
In the end, the bad outweighed a lot of the good. Even with its personal significance, I think a solid 3☆ would be best.
3☆
Warnings for homophobia, bi/panphobia, racism(? debatable, hard to tell), cheating, and more
So, this book has a lot of personal significance to me without me reading it until now. In 8th grade, I picked up this book, knowing that I was gay, that this book had gay characters, and that no one would know that about this book unless they read the summary. I got away with it, and my mom bought it for me at Target. But. Before I read it, my mom had read the summary, and she told me that it was too mature for me. I was 13 and gay, and gay characters were too sexual. This book sat in my mom's bedside table until someone eventually donated it or something. I had been looking for something for her, and it sat there right in the drawer, untouched and unopened. I didn't touch it or pick it up, but it hurt to have a part of myself treated like this. Locked away where people who might want it can never find it.
Things are a lot different today. I'm not out to everyone, but I am out to my mom. She has bought other queer books for me since then, she has seen them on my shelf or in my hands, and she has listened to me explain their plots. I came out when she asked during my plot summary of Let's Talk About Love. Books are tightly connected to my coming out journey, and I think that Naomi and Ely's No-Kiss List must be recognized as the start of that journey.
Now, June 2019, Pride Month, 10 or 11 years after I first had this book in my hands, on the day I walked in a Pride Parade for the 3rd year in a row, I finished this book.
Now, as for the book itself, it is okay (kinda whimsical?), but it has some major elements to consider.
1. These are shitty main characters. Like... they are not good people. They act shitty. And the authors don't try to hide that. They fully embrace the "Yeah, you would probably hate these people if you met them, but here's their story." I don't dislike that, but for a hot minute, I would forget that, and then they would do something and make me go "Oh, right. You are like *that*." But mainly, the thing about shitty people is they are real. I can be a shitty person, too, so I don't hold that against the book like some other things.
2. Like the fact the book has not aged well in how it treats queer characters, and there are two parts to this.
2A. Homophobia. This book does make some attempts to subvert stereotypes, but, most of the time, it bathes in them without subversion. Our main gay guy character is flamboyant, promiscuous, overly sexual, into fashion and judges people on their fashion, and more. We do see other gay characters who are and aren't stereotypical, but when the main character is almost a waking stereotype, it is not great. Do I think that it may been done purposely to make the story approachable to publishers and YA readers who didn't have much experience with real gay people? A bit, but, even back then, they could have fought the stereotyping a little stronger than the maybe 3 comments. Another aspect of the homophobia is how other characters treat, talk about, and think about Ely based on his sexuality, especially Naomi. Lots of homophobic comments left unchecked.
2B. Biphobia. There are about 3 characters who might identify as bi or pan to some extent, but are only allowed to be gay or straight. Also, two of them are cheaters. The first is one of Ely's moms, referred to as a lesbian, who has an extended affair with Naomi's dad. They describe the affair ending as Ely's mom remembering she was a lesbian. And that's... a lot. Then, we have Bruce (the second), who was Naomi's boyfriend until he kissed Ely. He describes himself as not caring about gender in who he loves in a sequence that feels almost pulled from bi/pan people's tumblrs (not meant as a bad thing). Yet, everyone calls him gay now. Do I think that a lot of people also use gay as a catch-all, especially in 2008? Yeah, but bi/pan people also existed. I mean this could be another "Make the Book Approachable" thing, but still. Not great.
3. The worst part of the book. The initial conflict of the book is Ely kissing Naomi's boyfriend, Bruce, who she didn't think she had to put on the No-Kiss List. This is rarely treated as the wrong thing. Ely repeatedly states that he is not guilty for doing it and doesn't apologize because he doesn't feel like he has to. He is also not guilty when it continues. Many different perspectives are basically like "Naomi is sure overreacting to Ely, her best friend, kissing her boyfriend." Multiple times, her reaction to it is treated as the real problem. At the end of the book, Naomi herself even says something like, "Ely did nothing wrong, but be himself." GIRL! HE STOLE YOUR BOYFRIEND. HE DEFINITELY DID SOMETHING WRONG! (the fact that cheating is treated as part of his gayness is a whole other issue) However, the book tries to rebalance this issue by saying that Naomi loved Ely anyway and was expecting a gay guy to go back to straight for her (not great, but is unrequited love equal to cheating? NO!), that Naomi and Bruce didn't realllllyyyy love each other, that it was a bad relationship (even though they didn't fight and were happy with each other), and that Bruce and Ely are a better match. Nothing can balance with the cheating enough to make it so Naomi shouldn't have been upset about this breach of trust and cheating (even if she was explained as more upset that Ely wouldn't be hers). It was just kinda misogynistic in the end when all we got for someone saying it was wrong was Ely saying that his relationship with Bruce *started wrong*, but was right anyway. Ughhhhhhhh.
4. The best part about the book. The major themes that expectations and assumptions make an ass out of you and me and that relationships require work are pretty good. Naomi expects Ely to eventually stop being gay for her. Naomi expects that she doesn't need to put her boyfriend on the No-Kiss List. They expect that the No-Kiss List will help them deal with their underlying problems. These and other expectations are broken, and that lets the characters work on their relationships and problems head on. The characters importantly realize that they have to work for the relationships and lives they want.
In the end, the bad outweighed a lot of the good. Even with its personal significance, I think a solid 3☆ would be best.
3☆
Warnings for homophobia, bi/panphobia, racism(? debatable, hard to tell), cheating, and more