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A review by jackiehorne
Try Not to Breathe by Jennifer R. Hubbard
4.0
With her two main characters -- Ryan, a teen who tried to commit suicide, and Nikki, a teen whose father killed himself -- Hubbard gives voice to the two main audiences for this book: people who have suffered from depression, and those who haven't, but want/need to understand. Ryan's narrative struck me as dead-on about what depression feels like: how pathetic you feel for feeling so bad when nothing really that bad has ever happened to you; how your emotions seemed walled off; how when you do feel emotions, they seem to come late, making it seem like you dwell on things others have already forgotten. For a person suffering from depression, reading that he/she isn't the only one who feels like this can be an amazing relief.
And Nikki's confusion, her quest to understand, also seems painfully true, even while the book acknowledges that to know or understand may be impossible for the one not depressed. Ryan's parents, especially his mom, mirror Nikki's wish to understand, but also show how the opposite wish -- that everything would just be ok -- often is far more powerful, and stands in the way of true understanding.
Ryan's final insight -- "But then, like Val said, things got better. And worse again. And better. I was beginning to see this wave of ups and downs stretching out in front of me forever, beginning to think maybe that was just life" (230) -- so very true...
And Nikki's confusion, her quest to understand, also seems painfully true, even while the book acknowledges that to know or understand may be impossible for the one not depressed. Ryan's parents, especially his mom, mirror Nikki's wish to understand, but also show how the opposite wish -- that everything would just be ok -- often is far more powerful, and stands in the way of true understanding.
Ryan's final insight -- "But then, like Val said, things got better. And worse again. And better. I was beginning to see this wave of ups and downs stretching out in front of me forever, beginning to think maybe that was just life" (230) -- so very true...