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A review by rguico
Mindful Discipline: A Loving Approach to Setting Limits and Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by Shauna Shapiro, Chris White
3.0
Mindful Discipline is a parenting book that is a research-backed psychology lesson for the first half, and a pragmatic model that builds atop this foundation for the second half, glued together by a whole bunch of far-eastern mysticism.
This is a unique combination, to say the least.
Nonetheless there is a whole bunch of information packed within its pages, enough that you really ought to take notes. If I had to distill it to an idea, though, the book advocates for a fundamental paradox when it comes to raising children: being 100% attuned to your child's heart and needs while also intentionally placing space between your child's actions and your reactions.
I own a 2 1/2 year old; this is no small task. Doing this with more than one child never comes up in the book...
Two examples in support of this main idea: firstly, the book describes three levels of consciousness when it comes to raising our children. Reactive, in which we are a step behind our kids and getting frustrated. Responsive, in which we are better able to anticipate and meet needs, overcoming what your kid wants because it's in their best interest.
And... intuitive. Which I guess can be best described as a whole-body, spirit-encompassing, transcendental knowing-your-place-in-the-world-while-surpassing-the-world state of being with your child.
The second example is littered throughout the book in the form of various meditations. At various times the reader is encouraged to feel the heart of their child, become fully aware of their body, to repeat phrases that encourage and reinforce thoughts of lovingkindness, etc. This is the part where you practice intentionally putting space between you and your child while practicing how to control your own awareness and reactions.
I confess that I think I am pretty damn good at maintaining a healthy sense of objective nonattachment from my child when necessary, so I didn't do a single exercise. Nonetheless I'm sure these are good concepts for the more frazzled among us.
The pragmatic chapters are worth a read, and as a Christian I particularly liked the one about unconditional love being the foremost of the essential components of mindful discipline. The remaining chapters have some good advice regarding setting boundaries, handling mis-takes, growing your child-seed, and so on, and despite the odd terminology I recommend a close read of those chapters.
Sometimes the authors go full-Tao (fuller than they already do, I mean) and suggest things like intentionally putting space between your child's success (i.e. building a block tower) and your praise, so that they don't do things just to earn your praise. I think you could have seen my eyes roll all the way from San Francisco.
Still I support some pretty key ideas in this book (nonattachment, being objective, leaving room to grow, gentle guidance, letting go of the need to control). I'm glad they don't pin you down to a single parenting what-to-do-when-your-child-misbehaves list, which seems like a surefire way to get parents to panic when they can't get a handle of their kids. For that reason I would recommend this book. Just know what you're getting into.
This is a unique combination, to say the least.
Nonetheless there is a whole bunch of information packed within its pages, enough that you really ought to take notes. If I had to distill it to an idea, though, the book advocates for a fundamental paradox when it comes to raising children: being 100% attuned to your child's heart and needs while also intentionally placing space between your child's actions and your reactions.
I own a 2 1/2 year old; this is no small task. Doing this with more than one child never comes up in the book...
Two examples in support of this main idea: firstly, the book describes three levels of consciousness when it comes to raising our children. Reactive, in which we are a step behind our kids and getting frustrated. Responsive, in which we are better able to anticipate and meet needs, overcoming what your kid wants because it's in their best interest.
And... intuitive. Which I guess can be best described as a whole-body, spirit-encompassing, transcendental knowing-your-place-in-the-world-while-surpassing-the-world state of being with your child.
The second example is littered throughout the book in the form of various meditations. At various times the reader is encouraged to feel the heart of their child, become fully aware of their body, to repeat phrases that encourage and reinforce thoughts of lovingkindness, etc. This is the part where you practice intentionally putting space between you and your child while practicing how to control your own awareness and reactions.
I confess that I think I am pretty damn good at maintaining a healthy sense of objective nonattachment from my child when necessary, so I didn't do a single exercise. Nonetheless I'm sure these are good concepts for the more frazzled among us.
The pragmatic chapters are worth a read, and as a Christian I particularly liked the one about unconditional love being the foremost of the essential components of mindful discipline. The remaining chapters have some good advice regarding setting boundaries, handling mis-takes, growing your child-seed, and so on, and despite the odd terminology I recommend a close read of those chapters.
Sometimes the authors go full-Tao (fuller than they already do, I mean) and suggest things like intentionally putting space between your child's success (i.e. building a block tower) and your praise, so that they don't do things just to earn your praise. I think you could have seen my eyes roll all the way from San Francisco.
Still I support some pretty key ideas in this book (nonattachment, being objective, leaving room to grow, gentle guidance, letting go of the need to control). I'm glad they don't pin you down to a single parenting what-to-do-when-your-child-misbehaves list, which seems like a surefire way to get parents to panic when they can't get a handle of their kids. For that reason I would recommend this book. Just know what you're getting into.