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cecereading 's review for:
The Cyborg Tinkerer
by Meg Latorre
Maybe I made a mistake to read this alongside a Brandon Sanderson novel, but this is simply not a well-executed book. There was potential, but it missed its mark.
I gave the book 100 pages and 10 chapters to grip me, as you do, and couldn't get into it.
Here are my notes:
The descriptions are so weird. In the second paragraph, a ship is described like this:
"She wouldn't miss being the ship tinkerer on this creaking bucket of soured engines and deflated tits for sails" (1).
The person she's been hooking up with on the ship hasn't seen her in a while and Gwen reminds this woman, Alberta, that she was busy dying and wasn't in the mood. And literally two paragraphs down, Gwen narrates, "A pang of loneliness bolted through her, but she shook it off. It wasn't time for regrets just yet. First, she had some living to do. Maybe she would find someone to fuck the time away with."
And then this gem, because she is bisexual and you must know that bisexual women are promiscuous and will screw anyone they see:
"It'd been months since she'd bedded a man. At the very least, there had to be a decent underground gambling on this skanky-as-fuck moon."
Why is this a description that made it through beta reading, alpha reading, revisions, editing?
11 pages in, Gwen’s told readers she’s dying like seventeen times and has sexually objectified several people and even hooked up in a dark alley with a strange woman because, again, bisexual people are going around hooking up with strangers in dark alleys at all times. She just saw this woman, the woman came to her and kissed her and that was that. Do people not consent to things in this book because implied consent is not a thing, I will remind you. Also, STOP CHARACTERIZING BISEXUAL AND PANSEXUAL PEOPLE AS PROMISCUOUS, WILL-SCREW-ANYONE PEOPLE. This is so awfully offensive and a huge, horrible stereotype.
Also, the pacing is way off. In 11 pages, Gwen arrives in Anchorage (which I literally thought was in Alaska and was thrown off for a while), quits her job, leaves behind one lover, finds a place to live, goes to the circus, hooks up with a stranger in a dark alley, and is taken in by the circus because she's apparently a good tinkerer. Way too much stuff in a small amount of space.
“She laughed so fucking hard she got hiccups and then vomited on the floor” (17). The use of profanity in this book is meant to be edgy and set apart this novel as adult instead of YA, but it doesn't work. It's extremely off-putting. Adult fantasy does not have to have to have the word "fuck" every other sentence to be adult. Look at Brandon Sanderson's Stormlight Archives, for instance. There has never been one bad word in four 1200-page books, and it is STILL ADULT FICTION.
Why would someone lose their human memories over time after becoming a cyborg? That makes no sense to me. Rora, for instance, had a wrist replaced and she lost her memories but still remembers that her parents sucked and that she hates them. This is inconsistent. You have got to show me why they lose their memories. Explain it. I have never been in your world, I don't know how it works. It is your job as an author to give me that information in an entertaining way. We get none of that.
I can’t tell what anyone looks like. At all. Sometimes you get descriptions but they are thrown in as an errant thought, almost.
Orthodocks is a strange name for a planet or whatever it is. I know what she's trying to do here, but it comes across as juvenile and cringeworthy.
"The sly bastards found a loophole to do advanced surgeries in space instead of on planets." That’s the most lax law of all time. Seriously? Let's make this law but, you know, the circus is so smart and instead operates in outer space so they're not technically breaking the law. This is too simplistic.
Gwen can tell Bastian is intelligent because of the way his eyes are.
“Anesthesia interferes with the implantation of the chip. Your mind needs to be fully alert and unaltered to receive the mainframe—even if you pass out. If you’re still awake after, we will sedate you.” This makes no sense because it is never explained why. It is a plot device to make sure you know how much pain Gwen and the others have gone through to be cyborgs. But then when Gwen goes through her surgery, it isn't shown at all. This is lazy writing.
“She knew the sounds of those ungreased wheels anywhere.” Do you see the glaring editing error? Another thing I noticed was that the tenses were all over the place.
The way Marzanna’s gender identity was revealed. Out of nowhere, literally. They’re talking about one thing and then the narrator lets you know they’re transgender. This is what makes me think this was a box LaTorre wanted to tick off in her "representation list". It pisses me off.
And then there are dragons and the reader never gets an explanation about them, no history. Nothing. It is an afterthought during a few paragraphs of exposition and then I never heard of it again after that.
I thought Gwen's hair was brown because it is described like that on the first or second chapter, but later it's described as midnight black. Inconsistencies like these can be avoided, especially when it's your main character.
Both Rora and Gwen literally just have to see another human and they’ll get horny. One is bi, and the other assumedly gay, so they must be horny at all times without any consideration of personality or chemistry.
The names Rora, Thaniel, Bastian. They are mundane for the world, but also strange. She would have been better off using the full names. Aurora, Nathaniel, Sebastian. Why cut up names like that for no reason other than to sound different? It doesn't work; it is distracting.
Every description of pain is exactly the same. Every description of people’s features sounds the same. Every time someone gets horny, it sounds the same. I think the issue here is the lack of characterization and how every single character is the same but with different features. Rora and Gwen, for instance, are the exact same character.
The use of “suddenly" is thrown in way too much.
There is no sense of space or time. I don't really know what things look like, how the world works. Why this weird cyborg law is in place. It seems to simply be a plot device with no background or explanation as to why cyborgs are hated so much. Also, if the circus is illegal, why are they allowed to still be a thing? This is a plot hole.
Rora wants to seduce Gwen so she can get a new hand, which is forbidden in the circus but when Gwen touches her, Rora is like "ugh why does her touch make me feel like this?" Like ma’am, you literally got hot looking at her for five seconds one time and you don't even know this newcomer. I understand lust at first sight. That's fine. No issues with that. But be consistent. It also comes across really gross when every character only thinks about sex at all times and with everyone they see.
“Dark lashes framed an iris as infinite as the stars” (48). Pretty much all the metaphors sound like this.
It seems like everyone in this book thinks of sex as a thing to pass the time. This is also another ploy used to make sure the reader never forgets this is meant to be an adult novel.
One of my main issues with this novel is the amount of info-dumping. Two people will be having a conversation and the dialogue is interrupted by exposition to explain backstory. It’s not done well at all. Also, there is a trope used in fiction that's lazy as hell and it is everywhere in this book. It is called the "As you know, Bob" trope/cliche/bullshit-writing. Basically, it is when one characters tells another character something they know about their situation or world, or even another character. This happens several times within the first 10 chapters and it is lazy writing and immediately told me LaTorre really doesn't know this is an issue in fiction, which is really shocking because she gives incredible writing advice, and claims to have worked in literary agencies and knows publishing in and out. I am so confused.
Also, Gwen and Rora act as if they’ve known each other forever. It’s a bizarre relationship. I know it’s meant to come across like they have a connection but these two people don’t know one another and the author wrote it like they do. It’s so weird. Also, the weird way Gwen thinks of Bastian, as if she has always known him, and him being cryptic is surprising to her. Ma'am, you don't know these people. Why would you ever assume you know anything at all? Bastian is also a cartoon character: the super capable, strong, dark, handsome man... and that's it. He a ring leader and he cute and mysterious.
“Like Abrecan, Thaniel was a large man, both in height and stature.” Look, I know stature can mean accomplishments and reputation, but that word does not work here because it is used right next to A SYNONYM FOR THAT WORD. Stature also means height.
I am done reading Authortube books. This is it for me.
This novel, along with Jenna Moreci's novels, read exactly the same: like rough drafts. This was not ready for publishing and needed a few more editing rounds and honest beta reading and feedback. Editing is more than just grammar-focused, and it pains me to see people putting out works that aren't ready just because they have an audience that will applaud them for everything they do.
I gave the book 100 pages and 10 chapters to grip me, as you do, and couldn't get into it.
Here are my notes:
The descriptions are so weird. In the second paragraph, a ship is described like this:
"She wouldn't miss being the ship tinkerer on this creaking bucket of soured engines and deflated tits for sails" (1).
The person she's been hooking up with on the ship hasn't seen her in a while and Gwen reminds this woman, Alberta, that she was busy dying and wasn't in the mood. And literally two paragraphs down, Gwen narrates, "A pang of loneliness bolted through her, but she shook it off. It wasn't time for regrets just yet. First, she had some living to do. Maybe she would find someone to fuck the time away with."
And then this gem, because she is bisexual and you must know that bisexual women are promiscuous and will screw anyone they see:
"It'd been months since she'd bedded a man. At the very least, there had to be a decent underground gambling on this skanky-as-fuck moon."
Why is this a description that made it through beta reading, alpha reading, revisions, editing?
11 pages in, Gwen’s told readers she’s dying like seventeen times and has sexually objectified several people and even hooked up in a dark alley with a strange woman because, again, bisexual people are going around hooking up with strangers in dark alleys at all times. She just saw this woman, the woman came to her and kissed her and that was that. Do people not consent to things in this book because implied consent is not a thing, I will remind you. Also, STOP CHARACTERIZING BISEXUAL AND PANSEXUAL PEOPLE AS PROMISCUOUS, WILL-SCREW-ANYONE PEOPLE. This is so awfully offensive and a huge, horrible stereotype.
Also, the pacing is way off. In 11 pages, Gwen arrives in Anchorage (which I literally thought was in Alaska and was thrown off for a while), quits her job, leaves behind one lover, finds a place to live, goes to the circus, hooks up with a stranger in a dark alley, and is taken in by the circus because she's apparently a good tinkerer. Way too much stuff in a small amount of space.
“She laughed so fucking hard she got hiccups and then vomited on the floor” (17). The use of profanity in this book is meant to be edgy and set apart this novel as adult instead of YA, but it doesn't work. It's extremely off-putting. Adult fantasy does not have to have to have the word "fuck" every other sentence to be adult. Look at Brandon Sanderson's Stormlight Archives, for instance. There has never been one bad word in four 1200-page books, and it is STILL ADULT FICTION.
Why would someone lose their human memories over time after becoming a cyborg? That makes no sense to me. Rora, for instance, had a wrist replaced and she lost her memories but still remembers that her parents sucked and that she hates them. This is inconsistent. You have got to show me why they lose their memories. Explain it. I have never been in your world, I don't know how it works. It is your job as an author to give me that information in an entertaining way. We get none of that.
I can’t tell what anyone looks like. At all. Sometimes you get descriptions but they are thrown in as an errant thought, almost.
Orthodocks is a strange name for a planet or whatever it is. I know what she's trying to do here, but it comes across as juvenile and cringeworthy.
"The sly bastards found a loophole to do advanced surgeries in space instead of on planets." That’s the most lax law of all time. Seriously? Let's make this law but, you know, the circus is so smart and instead operates in outer space so they're not technically breaking the law. This is too simplistic.
Gwen can tell Bastian is intelligent because of the way his eyes are.
“Anesthesia interferes with the implantation of the chip. Your mind needs to be fully alert and unaltered to receive the mainframe—even if you pass out. If you’re still awake after, we will sedate you.” This makes no sense because it is never explained why. It is a plot device to make sure you know how much pain Gwen and the others have gone through to be cyborgs. But then when Gwen goes through her surgery, it isn't shown at all. This is lazy writing.
“She knew the sounds of those ungreased wheels anywhere.” Do you see the glaring editing error? Another thing I noticed was that the tenses were all over the place.
The way Marzanna’s gender identity was revealed. Out of nowhere, literally. They’re talking about one thing and then the narrator lets you know they’re transgender. This is what makes me think this was a box LaTorre wanted to tick off in her "representation list". It pisses me off.
And then there are dragons and the reader never gets an explanation about them, no history. Nothing. It is an afterthought during a few paragraphs of exposition and then I never heard of it again after that.
I thought Gwen's hair was brown because it is described like that on the first or second chapter, but later it's described as midnight black. Inconsistencies like these can be avoided, especially when it's your main character.
Both Rora and Gwen literally just have to see another human and they’ll get horny. One is bi, and the other assumedly gay, so they must be horny at all times without any consideration of personality or chemistry.
The names Rora, Thaniel, Bastian. They are mundane for the world, but also strange. She would have been better off using the full names. Aurora, Nathaniel, Sebastian. Why cut up names like that for no reason other than to sound different? It doesn't work; it is distracting.
Every description of pain is exactly the same. Every description of people’s features sounds the same. Every time someone gets horny, it sounds the same. I think the issue here is the lack of characterization and how every single character is the same but with different features. Rora and Gwen, for instance, are the exact same character.
The use of “suddenly" is thrown in way too much.
There is no sense of space or time. I don't really know what things look like, how the world works. Why this weird cyborg law is in place. It seems to simply be a plot device with no background or explanation as to why cyborgs are hated so much. Also, if the circus is illegal, why are they allowed to still be a thing? This is a plot hole.
Rora wants to seduce Gwen so she can get a new hand, which is forbidden in the circus but when Gwen touches her, Rora is like "ugh why does her touch make me feel like this?" Like ma’am, you literally got hot looking at her for five seconds one time and you don't even know this newcomer. I understand lust at first sight. That's fine. No issues with that. But be consistent. It also comes across really gross when every character only thinks about sex at all times and with everyone they see.
“Dark lashes framed an iris as infinite as the stars” (48). Pretty much all the metaphors sound like this.
It seems like everyone in this book thinks of sex as a thing to pass the time. This is also another ploy used to make sure the reader never forgets this is meant to be an adult novel.
One of my main issues with this novel is the amount of info-dumping. Two people will be having a conversation and the dialogue is interrupted by exposition to explain backstory. It’s not done well at all. Also, there is a trope used in fiction that's lazy as hell and it is everywhere in this book. It is called the "As you know, Bob" trope/cliche/bullshit-writing. Basically, it is when one characters tells another character something they know about their situation or world, or even another character. This happens several times within the first 10 chapters and it is lazy writing and immediately told me LaTorre really doesn't know this is an issue in fiction, which is really shocking because she gives incredible writing advice, and claims to have worked in literary agencies and knows publishing in and out. I am so confused.
Also, Gwen and Rora act as if they’ve known each other forever. It’s a bizarre relationship. I know it’s meant to come across like they have a connection but these two people don’t know one another and the author wrote it like they do. It’s so weird. Also, the weird way Gwen thinks of Bastian, as if she has always known him, and him being cryptic is surprising to her. Ma'am, you don't know these people. Why would you ever assume you know anything at all? Bastian is also a cartoon character: the super capable, strong, dark, handsome man... and that's it. He a ring leader and he cute and mysterious.
“Like Abrecan, Thaniel was a large man, both in height and stature.” Look, I know stature can mean accomplishments and reputation, but that word does not work here because it is used right next to A SYNONYM FOR THAT WORD. Stature also means height.
I am done reading Authortube books. This is it for me.
This novel, along with Jenna Moreci's novels, read exactly the same: like rough drafts. This was not ready for publishing and needed a few more editing rounds and honest beta reading and feedback. Editing is more than just grammar-focused, and it pains me to see people putting out works that aren't ready just because they have an audience that will applaud them for everything they do.