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A review by cohnaron
Aquamarine by Alice Hoffman
3.0
The book's plot is mind-numbingly simple, with as many plot gaps as Swiss cheese: Two BFFs, Claire and Hailey, are spending their last summer together before they go separate ways. One day, they run into a beautiful mermaid washed up from a storm in the pool. While they try to coax her into returning to the sea, she refuses, having fallen for the "incredibly hot" lifeguard with the suave name Raymond. They finally convince her by promising one date with him before returning to the ocean for her safety.
So many questions.
1. The whole oh-no-we're-never-going-to-see-each-other-again plot was dropped once Aquamarine was discovered, so why even have it in the first place?
2. Aquamarine must have known that she would die if she rotted in a pool waiting for Mr. Dreamy-Lifeguard to come smooch her, and it wasn't a tragic forbidden love story. So why did she go all gaga?
3. If Claire and Hailey wanted to get rid of Aqua, then why couldn't they? I personally would've appreciated it if they'd drop-kicked her scaly butt off the Atlantic.
4. Why was Raymond such a dumbass? If he was the lifeguard, he would've spotted Aquamarine at the pool. Therefore her little acrobatic tricks as well, proving that she wasn'ta handicapped girl.
5. If Aquamarine was this important princess, than why weren't her parents out looking for her? I mean, I get that she ran away, but still, they'd probably look for her if they were any kind of parent.
So as you can see, there were tons of issues. Much of the magic and mermaid part of the novel was left unexplained, as if we were just supposed to assume that mermaids indeed existed and washed up in swimming pools. Claire and Hailey seemed like twins, and not in a good way. Their personalities seemed identical, without any substance. They were just there.
In fact, the only character with a personality was Aquamarine, who seemed incredibly schizofrenic, excuse my spelling. On one hand, she was an obstinate, stubborn, rebellious girl, the next she was drooling and dreamy-eyed. While she was supposed to be made out as determined and love-crazy, she just seemed incredibly shallow, like The Little Mermaid meets that Devil Wears Prada character. Don't even get me started--it seems like our friend Alice watched a couple too many Disney movies.
I'll end my character shpiel withEric Raymond. There wasn't even a point to him; he wasn't even described physically past being "hot." Hot what? Since the only descriptive language in the whole book was about the weather, is it possible that he wasn't even attractive, that he was just sweating and burning in the smoldering sun?
Ah, more questions.
Forgive me-she did describe one more thing: the smell of the pool water as "fishy." Brilliant. Oh, and constantly how beautiful Aquamarine is, but she didn't actually describe Aquamarine beyond that, so I'm not counting it.
So many questions.
1. The whole oh-no-we're-never-going-to-see-each-other-again plot was dropped once Aquamarine was discovered, so why even have it in the first place?
2. Aquamarine must have known that she would die if she rotted in a pool waiting for Mr. Dreamy-Lifeguard to come smooch her, and it wasn't a tragic forbidden love story. So why did she go all gaga?
3. If Claire and Hailey wanted to get rid of Aqua, then why couldn't they? I personally would've appreciated it if they'd drop-kicked her scaly butt off the Atlantic.
4. Why was Raymond such a dumbass? If he was the lifeguard, he would've spotted Aquamarine at the pool. Therefore her little acrobatic tricks as well, proving that she wasn't
5. If Aquamarine was this important princess, than why weren't her parents out looking for her? I mean, I get that she ran away, but still, they'd probably look for her if they were any kind of parent.
So as you can see, there were tons of issues. Much of the magic and mermaid part of the novel was left unexplained, as if we were just supposed to assume that mermaids indeed existed and washed up in swimming pools. Claire and Hailey seemed like twins, and not in a good way. Their personalities seemed identical, without any substance. They were just there.
In fact, the only character with a personality was Aquamarine, who seemed incredibly schizofrenic, excuse my spelling. On one hand, she was an obstinate, stubborn, rebellious girl, the next she was drooling and dreamy-eyed. While she was supposed to be made out as determined and love-crazy, she just seemed incredibly shallow, like The Little Mermaid meets that Devil Wears Prada character. Don't even get me started--it seems like our friend Alice watched a couple too many Disney movies.
I'll end my character shpiel with
Ah, more questions.
Forgive me-she did describe one more thing: the smell of the pool water as "fishy." Brilliant. Oh, and constantly how beautiful Aquamarine is, but she didn't actually describe Aquamarine beyond that, so I'm not counting it.