A review by pilartyping
The Body Papers: A Memoir by Grace Talusan

challenging emotional hopeful inspiring reflective sad medium-paced

5.0

The Body Papers by Grace Talusan

The Body Papers is a memoir written by Filipina-American Fullbright Scholar, Grace Talusan. A book that explores how much trauma a body can take while trying to keep your heart & soul alive, this book shows how Talusan’s healing has not been a linear process, but one that has been constant, however wavering, even when facing death (or its likelihood.) 

Born in Manila, Philippines, Talusan immigrated to Boston, Massachusetts with her mom, dad & older sister. She returns to Manila throughout her life for brief visits with her family, but chooses to live there for a few months as an adult while doing research for her Fullbright scholarship. While telling us about her time in Manila as a “balikbayan” (a word coined in the Marcos dictatorship in the ‘80s & means something like “the-immigrant-returning-to-their-homeland-has-become-like-a-foreigner”), what it feels like to finally look like everyone else, what it’s like crossing Manila streets, Talusan tells us about her beloved nieces, & how they remind her of her own childhood, which, while fraught with sexual abuse perpetrated by her paternal grandfather, was also a somewhat “normal” childhood with soccer games, library books, and the Catholic Church, like any other. 

Knowing full well that this memoir covers severe child abuse, it took me a while to pick it up because I wasn’t ever sure if I was ready. Checked-out from the library, & still hungry for more stories from Filipina/o/x Americans after reading Castillo’s America Is Not The Heart, I finally picked this book up & started reading the first pages, which immediately pulled me in with its gentle yet vivid descriptions about living in Manila as a returning immigrant. 

This book is not only about the abuse that Talusan survives as a child, but this book is also about Talusan’s body & the trauma she endures with it into adulthood when she discovers she is genetically predisposed to two kinds of cancer.

Though what may be a triggering read, Talusan’s writing feels so familiar that my engagement with the book felt almost effortless. Not to say I read this in one sitting. I needed time to process certain parts, even the happy parts, which this book surprisingly has a lot of because of the love that exists in the writer’s life. 

Bookmarked quotes: 

“This is what happens when assimilation brings erasure: I lost my first language, Tagalog.” p. 45

“And what did a woman mean after all? As a middle-aged woman, I still have moments when I feel eleven.” p. 63

“Reaching out to other people and connecting, which is the exact opposite of how I felt when I was being abused, is why and how I am alive. All this work in healing has made it possible for me to have a life.” - p. 147

“I become too distracted by all the fine dining and shopping to locate my grief, to remember what was lost.” - p. 238