A review by dealingwithdragons
Counting the Cost by Jill Duggar

challenging dark emotional hopeful sad tense fast-paced

5.0

This is an excellent book about two people who are still going through the process of deconstructing harmful beliefs they were raised with. I'd like to see Derek apologize publicly to Jazz Jennings, and I'd like to see both Jill and Derek examine their beliefs about and behavior toward the LGBTQ community as carefully as they have examined their beliefs about women wearing pants and drinking alcohol.

With all of that said, this is extremely well written and is a necessary read for anyone seeking to understand what it can be like to leave a fundamentalist cult and an unhealthy family dynamic. It's also an interesting portrait of a man, Jim Bob Duggar, who starts with fundamentalist beliefs and is further transformed and sucked into the cult by wealth, praise, and fame.

Some prior knowledge about the Duggar family and the Institute for Basic Life Principles is helpful to understand the scope of what Jill is speaking about. I'd recommend the Leaving Eden podcast and the Hulu documentary "Shiny Happy People" to anyone looking for introductory information about either topic. 

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Emotional abuse, Infertility, Misogyny, Panic attacks/disorders, Sexism, Toxic relationship, Blood, Medical content, Religious bigotry, Medical trauma, Pregnancy, Gaslighting, Injury/Injury detail

Moderate: Cancer, Child abuse, Death, Gun violence, Incest, Miscarriage, Pedophilia, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Colonisation

Minor: Infidelity, Pandemic/Epidemic

Jill goes into great detail describing her father's emotional abuse and gaslighting, including controlling behavior and shaming her for what she wears. Jill also describes the traumatic birth of her second son in great detail - both she and her son survive, but it is harrowing. She does not describe details of her brother's sexual assaults on her and her sisters, but she does go into detail about the fallout and the public shame she and her sisters were put through as a result of Intouch magazine illegally leaking report documents about the abuse. If you haven't heard, her brother Josh was also convicted of possession of child sex abuse material and is currently in prison. Jill and Derek were missionaries for several years, which is colonization, and they do not examine this with a critical eye in the book.