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ccrabbypatties 's review for:
Why Men Love Bitches
by Sherry Argov
This book was written by a woman but why do I feel like I'm being mansplained to. A lot of what she was saying I'm like okay I know what you're trying to get at but why are you framing it that way
There were a few things I agreed with so I'll give those a shout out.
1) dont got the whole nine yards for a man right away, make him prove himself, give him the time to earn it "unconditional love is a beautiful thing. Just be sure to give it after your conditions have been met"
2) "when a woman acts as though she's capable of everything, she gets stuck doing everything" you are capable of doing anything but don't allow a man to take advantage of that
3) "let him work on his own stuff. If he can't treat himself well he'll never treat you well" yes be supportive but it is not your job to develop this man
4) "this is your life...and it's too precious to waste"
5) "if he's too busy and you've already tried telling him how you feel, it's time to show him with your actions that he will no longer be dictating the terms" he can do what he wants but here are the conditions if he wants me to be involved. This is where "if he wanted to he would" comes into play
Okay now for the many atrocities this book committed
Multiple times it's subtly degrading to women who don't fit the societal standard of beauty
1) she's talking about a guy showing a pic of his amazing ex gf and basically insinuates that the girl is ugly and that her personality was why he liked her. Like I get what she's trying to say. Personality and being good company is more important than looks. But the example she gives insults the other woman and she didn't have to do that.
2) subtle slut shaming, "he wants to explore new terrain not trampled on by many men before him" like wtf did I just read?!
3) subtle fat shaming, saying the girl in porn screaming yes right there is probably "a fully dressed 400lb woman in a recording studio" like? Why does her being 400lbs matter??
So much of this book is doing mental gymnastics and learning how to gentle parent men. Tells women to play dumb so men can feel manly not very empowering if you ask me
One example was a girl killing a snake and her bf didn't feel manly because of it so he couldn't get hard? Skill issue
She wants us to praise male mediocrity and even incompetence but then ultimately you're still doing the work
The CONSENT issues oh my god
1) "this is not the time to say no I'm just not ready" yes it is
2) "you can't titillate him to the point of no return and then say no I just don't feel right about it" yes you can!
3) "if you pull the sexual plug at the last minute he'll label you a tease" then so be it
Also "if you tell a man you've only had three lovers and you're older than a fetus, he'll think you're lying" 1) a fetus?? Ew 2) some of us are losers
The references in this book are ANCIENT. vcr???
She has a bunch of quotes from men and my god some of them are abominable
1) "if a woman is uncomfortable or bothered, he should be able to feel it without her saying a word" these are the same guys who will turn around and say they're not mind readers
2) guy admits to checking out women he isn't even attracted to just to make his girlfriend insecure. INTENTIONALLY that's bordering on emotional abuse
3) guy saying he doesn't wanna see your period products when he's at your place GROW THE FUCK UP
4) this one is HORRIFIC "the fear every guy has is that after marriage the girl is going to cut her hair off, gain a bunch of weight, and stop putting out" cool so your love is conditional
Wtf did I just read
There were a few things I agreed with so I'll give those a shout out.
1) dont got the whole nine yards for a man right away, make him prove himself, give him the time to earn it "unconditional love is a beautiful thing. Just be sure to give it after your conditions have been met"
2) "when a woman acts as though she's capable of everything, she gets stuck doing everything" you are capable of doing anything but don't allow a man to take advantage of that
3) "let him work on his own stuff. If he can't treat himself well he'll never treat you well" yes be supportive but it is not your job to develop this man
4) "this is your life...and it's too precious to waste"
5) "if he's too busy and you've already tried telling him how you feel, it's time to show him with your actions that he will no longer be dictating the terms" he can do what he wants but here are the conditions if he wants me to be involved. This is where "if he wanted to he would" comes into play
Okay now for the many atrocities this book committed
Multiple times it's subtly degrading to women who don't fit the societal standard of beauty
1) she's talking about a guy showing a pic of his amazing ex gf and basically insinuates that the girl is ugly and that her personality was why he liked her. Like I get what she's trying to say. Personality and being good company is more important than looks. But the example she gives insults the other woman and she didn't have to do that.
2) subtle slut shaming, "he wants to explore new terrain not trampled on by many men before him" like wtf did I just read?!
3) subtle fat shaming, saying the girl in porn screaming yes right there is probably "a fully dressed 400lb woman in a recording studio" like? Why does her being 400lbs matter??
So much of this book is doing mental gymnastics and learning how to gentle parent men. Tells women to play dumb so men can feel manly not very empowering if you ask me
One example was a girl killing a snake and her bf didn't feel manly because of it so he couldn't get hard? Skill issue
She wants us to praise male mediocrity and even incompetence but then ultimately you're still doing the work
The CONSENT issues oh my god
1) "this is not the time to say no I'm just not ready" yes it is
2) "you can't titillate him to the point of no return and then say no I just don't feel right about it" yes you can!
3) "if you pull the sexual plug at the last minute he'll label you a tease" then so be it
Also "if you tell a man you've only had three lovers and you're older than a fetus, he'll think you're lying" 1) a fetus?? Ew 2) some of us are losers
The references in this book are ANCIENT. vcr???
She has a bunch of quotes from men and my god some of them are abominable
1) "if a woman is uncomfortable or bothered, he should be able to feel it without her saying a word" these are the same guys who will turn around and say they're not mind readers
2) guy admits to checking out women he isn't even attracted to just to make his girlfriend insecure. INTENTIONALLY that's bordering on emotional abuse
3) guy saying he doesn't wanna see your period products when he's at your place GROW THE FUCK UP
4) this one is HORRIFIC "the fear every guy has is that after marriage the girl is going to cut her hair off, gain a bunch of weight, and stop putting out" cool so your love is conditional
Wtf did I just read