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A review by anca_antoci
The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman
4.0
The book is insightful, albeit a little long-winded, but I noticed this is the norm for self-help books. I always read reviews before purchasing a book and focus on the negative ones. What struck me, in this case, was the high number of people who didn't read the back cover. Wanna know how I know this? Because of the high number of bad reviews complaining of lack of inclusivity. Another review mentioned the information is obvious and presented for dummies. Do I need to say that microwave ovens warn against putting pets inside? Or bleach containers warning you not to drink it? The fact is, common sense is not as common as people think. I've seen many married people who fail at communication. The divorce rate is high enough to prove that keeping love alive is a struggle and not as obvious as you think. If you think this book is for dummies, then you are more perceptive than most and have a better chance at a successful relationship with your partner. Congratulations! There's no need to be condescending toward those who are struggling.
Let me help you with some context if you didn't read the back cover. The author, Gary Chapman, is a pastor and marriage counselor for the church. Why does this matter? Because all his advice is aimed at monogamous married couples. If you're not Christian (or religious), don't worry. The book doesn't tell you to go to church or pray to fix your marriage. It mentions quite a few Bible verses that inspired the author. You can quickly skim over those and move straight to the advice. So, if you're looking for an inclusive point of view, this is not the right book for you.
Does this mean the book is irrelevant if you're living together but not married, queer, or in a polyamorous relationship? Absolutely not, provided you can manage expectations. If every time the author says spouse, you can read partner/partners (or whatever you call your significant other/others), then this book can be helpful to you. At the end of the day, love is love. You know what they say, there are two types of people:
1. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data
You should skip this book if you didn't get the joke. If you got it, read it, take the advice you find valuable, and ignore what doesn't apply to you.
The main point of this book is that people feel loved and show affection differently (the five languages are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch). For a relationship to thrive, you must show affection in the love language your partner speaks. We tend to show affection in our own language (how we like to receive affection), and if the partner speaks a different language, they might not feel loved as much as we think they should. For instance, if your love language is receiving gifts, you might feel inclined to shower your partner with gifts. But if their love language is quality time, they might not appreciate your gifts too much, and they'd rather you made time to do something together. And, of course, you'd be disappointed at their lack of enthusiasm when receiving said gifts.
If you choose to read it, I hope you find it helpful.
Let me help you with some context if you didn't read the back cover. The author, Gary Chapman, is a pastor and marriage counselor for the church. Why does this matter? Because all his advice is aimed at monogamous married couples. If you're not Christian (or religious), don't worry. The book doesn't tell you to go to church or pray to fix your marriage. It mentions quite a few Bible verses that inspired the author. You can quickly skim over those and move straight to the advice. So, if you're looking for an inclusive point of view, this is not the right book for you.
Does this mean the book is irrelevant if you're living together but not married, queer, or in a polyamorous relationship? Absolutely not, provided you can manage expectations. If every time the author says spouse, you can read partner/partners (or whatever you call your significant other/others), then this book can be helpful to you. At the end of the day, love is love. You know what they say, there are two types of people:
1. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data
You should skip this book if you didn't get the joke. If you got it, read it, take the advice you find valuable, and ignore what doesn't apply to you.
The main point of this book is that people feel loved and show affection differently (the five languages are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch). For a relationship to thrive, you must show affection in the love language your partner speaks. We tend to show affection in our own language (how we like to receive affection), and if the partner speaks a different language, they might not feel loved as much as we think they should. For instance, if your love language is receiving gifts, you might feel inclined to shower your partner with gifts. But if their love language is quality time, they might not appreciate your gifts too much, and they'd rather you made time to do something together. And, of course, you'd be disappointed at their lack of enthusiasm when receiving said gifts.
If you choose to read it, I hope you find it helpful.