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A review by iswendle
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love by Amir Levine
3.0
Attached is a self-help book in scientific disguise about relationships that has some great ideas and foundations, but fails to deliver outside of its black-and-white view on people.
The book is best summarised with this quote: "Attachment theory designates three main "attachment styles," or manners in which people perceive and respond to intimacy in romantic relationships, which parallel those found in children: Secure, Anxious, and Avoidant. Basically, secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving; anxious people crave intimacy, are often preoccupied with their relationships, and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back; avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness."
The rest of the book outlines each of the attachment styles, how to live with them, how to ascertain them in people, and how they behave in the real world. In the first 50 pages I found eye opening parts, probably to many, as the book outlines archetypes of people in relationships with common examples. This makes most readers feel heard, especially when recognising past partners and themselves.
As the book progresses though, it becomes evident that the authors will use the rest of the book to sketch every single relationship scenario within one of the 3 styles, without any room for movement. While I see the point of outlining the theory with examples and fitting them into the theory every time (even if real life isn't always perfectly according to theory), this made my reading of the book after the first 50 pages sluggish. I could recognise myself in multiple different styles for different scenarios, despite relating to 1 style most, but felt like the weird shapeshifter person according to this book.
All in all, Attached offers some interesting analysis of relationships that is grounded in scientific basis. Due to the pushed "self help" narrative, some of this analysis feels broad and forced, but the boon ultimately leaves you with some food for thought about relationships in your life, both past and present.
The book is best summarised with this quote: "Attachment theory designates three main "attachment styles," or manners in which people perceive and respond to intimacy in romantic relationships, which parallel those found in children: Secure, Anxious, and Avoidant. Basically, secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving; anxious people crave intimacy, are often preoccupied with their relationships, and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back; avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness."
The rest of the book outlines each of the attachment styles, how to live with them, how to ascertain them in people, and how they behave in the real world. In the first 50 pages I found eye opening parts, probably to many, as the book outlines archetypes of people in relationships with common examples. This makes most readers feel heard, especially when recognising past partners and themselves.
As the book progresses though, it becomes evident that the authors will use the rest of the book to sketch every single relationship scenario within one of the 3 styles, without any room for movement. While I see the point of outlining the theory with examples and fitting them into the theory every time (even if real life isn't always perfectly according to theory), this made my reading of the book after the first 50 pages sluggish. I could recognise myself in multiple different styles for different scenarios, despite relating to 1 style most, but felt like the weird shapeshifter person according to this book.
All in all, Attached offers some interesting analysis of relationships that is grounded in scientific basis. Due to the pushed "self help" narrative, some of this analysis feels broad and forced, but the boon ultimately leaves you with some food for thought about relationships in your life, both past and present.