A review by giralka
What I'd Rather Not Think About by Jente Posthuma

dark emotional sad medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? No
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? No
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

What I’d Rather Not Think About is a story told in vignettes. It’s the story of a pair of twins, one of whom has taken his own life, narrated from the sister’s perspective. It is apparent how much she loves and resents him at the same time. She talks about growing up with her brother, how they used to be very close as children but grew apart as they got older. She was very co-dependent on him, but he just wanted to live his own life.

The way this story is told reminds me a lot of Aftersun, where viewers get glimpses of the daughter’s father during one vacation. There’s a kind of melancholia that comes from understanding the grief of losing someone.

For a long time, I didn’t have any dreams.

The bit about not having dreams and wanting to disappear on page 103 really struck me. There is an eerie coincidence where the brother had said, “I don’t want to die but I don’t want to live either.” This was the exact sentence I wrote in my journal several months ago, almost word for word, which is why I find it so unsettling.

I can’t say I fully understand the grief and resentment that the narrator experienced, but I do relate to her brother. I have felt a fraction of what drove him into the water; I only hope I never reach that far.