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A review by moonyreadsbystarlight
Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator: Uncommon Love and Life by Amy Gahran
informative
reflective
medium-paced
4.75
This was a really accessible and enlightening book. Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator is not a run-of-the-mill self-help relationship book that tells you how to make your life and relationships better. This book does not pretend to know the answers or prioritize one way to do relationships. Gahran describes many different ways people can organize relationships off (and on) the traditional "relationship escalator" by diving into the perspectives of those living in nontraditional relationships. In discussing the many ways that people do (or don't do) relationships, it opens the door for self-reflection, regardless of what relationship format you end up favoring. I would highly recommend this for anyone interested in (or currently practice) nonmonogomy, however I also think that monogamous people would highly benefit from reading this as well -- if not to understand people in other relationships, then to feel more intentional in their relationship framework and expand their communication with their partner.
I had a couple of small problem that mostly boil down to terminology. While I think her discussion of asexuality and aromanticism was really great for the most part, I do think that the initial definition that she gave of asexuality is not the one that I see most asexuals use. Additionally, the use of "tribe" to describe a close-knit group (who might not quite be a polycule or literal family), is not ideal, as that word has its own definition in Indigenous communities. I do understand that she was likely using the terms most used in the community, this would have been a good opportunity to suggest new terminology or at least acknowledge the problem of the term.
I had a couple of small problem that mostly boil down to terminology. While I think her discussion of asexuality and aromanticism was really great for the most part, I do think that the initial definition that she gave of asexuality is not the one that I see most asexuals use. Additionally, the use of "tribe" to describe a close-knit group (who might not quite be a polycule or literal family), is not ideal, as that word has its own definition in Indigenous communities. I do understand that she was likely using the terms most used in the community, this would have been a good opportunity to suggest new terminology or at least acknowledge the problem of the term.