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madiantin 's review for:
Becoming Duchess Goldblatt
by Duchess Goldblatt
A Duchess Goldblatt bibliography:
"Feasting On The Carcasses Of My Enemies: A Love Story"
The Memoir: "An Axe To Grind".
"Not If I Kill You First: a heartwarming meditation on mothers and daughters."
A young mother is abandoned by her husband, family, and friends. She falls into a deep depression. She idly creates Duchess Goldblatt on social media, a character who over the years helps her deal with her depression.
During the book she recounts her difficult childhood:
- her mother takes a bunch of pills to try to abort her
- her brother is a deeply mentally ill manipulative drug addict
- her "kindly" father has no problem dumping all the care of the family on her young shoulders
- No-one gave a damn about her when she was a kid
- She was abandoned over and over again throughout her life
- The things her "friends" said to her were so cruel it made my jaw drop.
- Her husband dumps her for another woman
- Her friends abandon her
and that just scratches the surface.
"You will bear it. You have to. You will."
It is a testimony to me of just how lovely this woman is, that despite all that she endured, the character she creates online is endlessly kind and uplifting.
"The only way to be reliably sure that the hero gets the girl at the end of the story is to be both the hero and the girl yourself."
I was happily reading along, enjoying this work of fiction, when about 15 minutes before the end of the book when Dryer's English was mentioned I suddenly realized that it might not be fiction after all, and that blew my mind. That poor, poor little girl.
I was so very glad at the end when her aunt acknowledged the awful things that happened to the author. It was very cathartic to hear. I was so glad she acknowledged the Dad was not a saint. He was, in fact, an enabling martyr who was selfishly trying to shove his daughter into that same role.
While this book has a difficult subject, it's actually not a depressing book. A few times it was so funny I laughed out loud with delight.
I read (listened to the audiobook) this book in one day. It was absolutely brilliant, delightful, and I loved it. Very highly recommended.
It's difficult to highlight quotes when one is listening to an audiobook, so I had to transcribe my favourites.
If people can't find you they can't break your heart.
After a certain point people lose patience with your grief. They just wand you to move on.
That's so true. I watched that happen in real time to my Mum after my Dad died. It was so painful for her. It was after a very short period of time. Just days, not even weeks.
The saddest people will always be allowed to go home first."
This one's not true.
Freud: all family life is organized around the most damaged person in it."
OOF!! That makes me think about the various "family" units I've been in. And holy moly that holds true.
No, frankly, I don't agree that I'm setting an impossible beauty standard. You could go put on a nicer ruff and ensaucen your sly gaze.
HA!
My father used to try to tell me to never say anything about anyone that I wouldn't want them to overhear. "It will make you boring in conversation sometimes," he said. "Maybe you know something private about someone that's embarrassing and you could say it at a party, make everybody laugh. You'll have to hold yourself back from doing it. Give up the fun of getting that laughter for yourself. But if you believe that you're called to never cause pain to another human being, it won't be a hard choice.
Any a**hole can make a mean joke. It's harder work to reach out further for the joke that's funny and can't hurt anybody.
I came to realize over time that a dig made at a famous person for ordinary human failings no matter how far removed they are from the conversation carries with it an implied criticism of the reader. To make fun of anyone diminishes my reader. It diminishes me.
The better joke is always going to be the one that doesn't hurt anybody.
If this is the result of my own sorrow - an enlarged capacity, the ability to contain heartbreak not my own, if this was the deal, then it's acceptable to me.
I'm sure that if you meet me you will leave me.
OUCH.
If you've ever wondered the right thing to say to someone who is grieving a death, I think this is it: "Tell me all about your dear one."
"Feasting On The Carcasses Of My Enemies: A Love Story"
The Memoir: "An Axe To Grind".
"Not If I Kill You First: a heartwarming meditation on mothers and daughters."
A young mother is abandoned by her husband, family, and friends. She falls into a deep depression. She idly creates Duchess Goldblatt on social media, a character who over the years helps her deal with her depression.
During the book she recounts her difficult childhood:
- her mother takes a bunch of pills to try to abort her
- her brother is a deeply mentally ill manipulative drug addict
- her "kindly" father has no problem dumping all the care of the family on her young shoulders
- No-one gave a damn about her when she was a kid
- She was abandoned over and over again throughout her life
- The things her "friends" said to her were so cruel it made my jaw drop.
- Her husband dumps her for another woman
- Her friends abandon her
and that just scratches the surface.
"You will bear it. You have to. You will."
It is a testimony to me of just how lovely this woman is, that despite all that she endured, the character she creates online is endlessly kind and uplifting.
"The only way to be reliably sure that the hero gets the girl at the end of the story is to be both the hero and the girl yourself."
I was happily reading along, enjoying this work of fiction, when about 15 minutes before the end of the book when Dryer's English was mentioned I suddenly realized that it might not be fiction after all, and that blew my mind. That poor, poor little girl.
I was so very glad at the end when her aunt acknowledged the awful things that happened to the author. It was very cathartic to hear. I was so glad she acknowledged the Dad was not a saint. He was, in fact, an enabling martyr who was selfishly trying to shove his daughter into that same role.
While this book has a difficult subject, it's actually not a depressing book. A few times it was so funny I laughed out loud with delight.
I read (listened to the audiobook) this book in one day. It was absolutely brilliant, delightful, and I loved it. Very highly recommended.
It's difficult to highlight quotes when one is listening to an audiobook, so I had to transcribe my favourites.
If people can't find you they can't break your heart.
After a certain point people lose patience with your grief. They just wand you to move on.
That's so true. I watched that happen in real time to my Mum after my Dad died. It was so painful for her. It was after a very short period of time. Just days, not even weeks.
The saddest people will always be allowed to go home first."
This one's not true.
Freud: all family life is organized around the most damaged person in it."
OOF!! That makes me think about the various "family" units I've been in. And holy moly that holds true.
No, frankly, I don't agree that I'm setting an impossible beauty standard. You could go put on a nicer ruff and ensaucen your sly gaze.
HA!
My father used to try to tell me to never say anything about anyone that I wouldn't want them to overhear. "It will make you boring in conversation sometimes," he said. "Maybe you know something private about someone that's embarrassing and you could say it at a party, make everybody laugh. You'll have to hold yourself back from doing it. Give up the fun of getting that laughter for yourself. But if you believe that you're called to never cause pain to another human being, it won't be a hard choice.
Any a**hole can make a mean joke. It's harder work to reach out further for the joke that's funny and can't hurt anybody.
I came to realize over time that a dig made at a famous person for ordinary human failings no matter how far removed they are from the conversation carries with it an implied criticism of the reader. To make fun of anyone diminishes my reader. It diminishes me.
The better joke is always going to be the one that doesn't hurt anybody.
If this is the result of my own sorrow - an enlarged capacity, the ability to contain heartbreak not my own, if this was the deal, then it's acceptable to me.
I'm sure that if you meet me you will leave me.
OUCH.
If you've ever wondered the right thing to say to someone who is grieving a death, I think this is it: "Tell me all about your dear one."