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robinshakespeare 's review for:
Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself
by Nedra Glover Tawwab
I came to Set Boundaries, Find Peace because it was on the edge of a cat photo tweeted by Ash Sarkar (my favourite political journalist). I wasn't expecting a self-help book, I just really wanted to know what she was reading- I'm so glad I googled it! This book is an incredible resource. It has empowered me to do and say things I honestly didn't think were allowed, like:
1. Tell people my expectations for how they treat me, using the words "I expect".
2. Say politely and immediately when people hurt my feelings.
3. Say "no" without giving a justification.
The book was inclusive of queer people and queer relationship configurations, which I really appreciated.
It isn't positivity-washed or only speaking to a place of privilege- it gives specific guidance for those who have experienced domestic violence, addiction and child abuse. So often self-help and mental health resources make me feel othered because they fail to include equally adverse life experiences. Tawwab's understanding of these experiences made me feel confident that her guidance could apply to me too.
I love the author's perspective and insight, and I'd love to see more work from her on navigating boundaries from particular standpoints: what might setting boundaries look like in situations of racism or ableism, where backlash can sometimes be prohibitive? How can we name the added barriers to setting boundaries, and which of them can be overcome?
While I don't agree with Tawwab on her tendency to individualise - I think for example that social media companies' drive to increase engagement can reasonably be blamed for much of our dependence - she has really prompted me to take more responsibility for my own wellbeing and face a greater degree of discomfort.
I seriously recommend following Nedra Glover Tawwab on instagram, too. Her advice can be genuinely hard to hear, but I have always found it useful so far.
I know I'll be coming back to re-read!
1. Tell people my expectations for how they treat me, using the words "I expect".
2. Say politely and immediately when people hurt my feelings.
3. Say "no" without giving a justification.
The book was inclusive of queer people and queer relationship configurations, which I really appreciated.
It isn't positivity-washed or only speaking to a place of privilege- it gives specific guidance for those who have experienced domestic violence, addiction and child abuse. So often self-help and mental health resources make me feel othered because they fail to include equally adverse life experiences. Tawwab's understanding of these experiences made me feel confident that her guidance could apply to me too.
I love the author's perspective and insight, and I'd love to see more work from her on navigating boundaries from particular standpoints: what might setting boundaries look like in situations of racism or ableism, where backlash can sometimes be prohibitive? How can we name the added barriers to setting boundaries, and which of them can be overcome?
While I don't agree with Tawwab on her tendency to individualise - I think for example that social media companies' drive to increase engagement can reasonably be blamed for much of our dependence - she has really prompted me to take more responsibility for my own wellbeing and face a greater degree of discomfort.
I seriously recommend following Nedra Glover Tawwab on instagram, too. Her advice can be genuinely hard to hear, but I have always found it useful so far.
I know I'll be coming back to re-read!