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A review by adunten
Zero Day by David Baldacci
3.0
John Puller: Cozy mysteries for men
“I don't travel for pleasure. I travel with a gun.”
Things you'll quickly notice about this book:
John Puller is the Gariest Stuest Gary Stu ever set down on the page. He is a Big Tough Man, a Loyal American Soldier, and He Is Good At Things. All the Things. He can do all the violent things, then turn around and do all the smart detective things. He can work a crime scene, work a hazmat scene, and then make a quick stop on the way to breakfast to save a little old lady's life. He can question every witness with the perfect amount of either faked empathy or real intimidation. And then tactfully reject the advances of his attractive partner in a way that allows everyone to save face. Then he goes to dinner and expounds knowledgeably on fine wine. Then he drinks three cups of coffee, goes to sleep on command, and wakes up four hours later and does it all again the next day. The only thing Baldacci failed to add to his resume is the ability to hop on a horse and round up some cattle at the end of the day (see [b:Nimitz Class|42622|Nimitz Class (Admiral Arnold Morgan, #1)|Patrick Robinson|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1169882269l/42622._SY75_.jpg|42098]).
Don't get me wrong, I've read pretty compelling books about guys who could do a lot of that, particularly the violent parts. Exhibit A is [b:Altered Carbon|40792913|Altered Carbon (Takeshi Kovacs, #1)|Richard K. Morgan|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1531415180l/40792913._SY75_.jpg|2095852], but there, Richard Morgan made his hero Kovacs a noticeably tragic figure who was so thoroughly trained as a fighting machine he was barely clinging to the edges of humanity and was so twitchy he could kill his allies almost as easily as his enemies. And he wasn't capable of saying no to sex when it was offered. This book just unironically takes a big beefy bite of the mythos of the Macho American Military Man Who Is Also A True Gentleman And A True Patriot and gulps it down unchewed.
This is a cozy mystery for men. Men who wouldn't be caught dead reading a mystery with a food, cat, or knitting theme will eat up John Puller (and his inspiration, Jack Reacher) without ever giving much thought to the fact that it's just the blue-painted version of Miss Marple or the Tea Shop Mysteries. It's far more violent than the pink version, and it's soaked in the idea that our hero isn't just solving a garden-variety small-town murder mystery, but Saving America, or possibly even Saving The World, and only a Big Tough American Man can save us from a bunch of beards with guns who want to harm America. But the point is that these themes are designed to make the American male reader feel cozy.
Not just the women, but literally everyone gets physically dissected by the pen of David Baldacci. Every character, even minor ones, get relentlessly physical descriptions that seem quite judgey of a given character's height, weight, and overall health. You get things like, “He was probably sporting a six-pack under that t-shirt,” or “He had thin shoulders but carried extra weight in his thighs and butt.” But to be fair, he is capable of giving the women physical descriptions that aren't blatantly sexual. And you could justify this as coming from the tactical brain of Puller, who is used to doing detailed, habitual threat assessments of literally everyone and everything in his vicinity, which would explain the focus on height, weight, and fitness. He's tallying up things like, “Can I put this person on the ground if I need to?” or “Can I carry this person to safety if I need to?” And both of those things do happen in the story.
I've said a lot of fairly unflattering things about it, but it is a page-turner and a fun read nevertheless. But I don't know that I'll seek out more John Puller.
Does it pass the Bechdel test? No, but I ain't mad. It does all right by the women. There are competent women, ambitious women, fat old ladies who are sweet but annoying, fat old ladies who are just sweet. And our hero is never an asshole to any of them, even in his own mind, because he's perfect in every way. But kudos to Baldacci for even being capable of channeling a man who is this perfect – as readers, we are regularly confronted with male authors who can't even write a scene involving a woman without making it borderline sexual harassment. Of course, the female lead
Audio Notes: This is overall a pretty good audio production. It has some background music from time to time to set the mood, and a few sound effects here and there. It's mostly narrated by Ron McClarty, who's not “best audios” quality but he's perfect for a story that's told almost entirely from Puller's POV. His main drawback is that he doesn't do voices that well, and he presumably would have been abominable trying to do women's dialog. Orlagh Cassidy steps in to do the dialog of Samantha Cole and the few other female characters.
“I don't travel for pleasure. I travel with a gun.”
Things you'll quickly notice about this book:
John Puller is the Gariest Stuest Gary Stu ever set down on the page. He is a Big Tough Man, a Loyal American Soldier, and He Is Good At Things. All the Things. He can do all the violent things, then turn around and do all the smart detective things. He can work a crime scene, work a hazmat scene, and then make a quick stop on the way to breakfast to save a little old lady's life. He can question every witness with the perfect amount of either faked empathy or real intimidation. And then tactfully reject the advances of his attractive partner in a way that allows everyone to save face. Then he goes to dinner and expounds knowledgeably on fine wine. Then he drinks three cups of coffee, goes to sleep on command, and wakes up four hours later and does it all again the next day. The only thing Baldacci failed to add to his resume is the ability to hop on a horse and round up some cattle at the end of the day (see [b:Nimitz Class|42622|Nimitz Class (Admiral Arnold Morgan, #1)|Patrick Robinson|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1169882269l/42622._SY75_.jpg|42098]).
Don't get me wrong, I've read pretty compelling books about guys who could do a lot of that, particularly the violent parts. Exhibit A is [b:Altered Carbon|40792913|Altered Carbon (Takeshi Kovacs, #1)|Richard K. Morgan|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1531415180l/40792913._SY75_.jpg|2095852], but there, Richard Morgan made his hero Kovacs a noticeably tragic figure who was so thoroughly trained as a fighting machine he was barely clinging to the edges of humanity and was so twitchy he could kill his allies almost as easily as his enemies. And he wasn't capable of saying no to sex when it was offered. This book just unironically takes a big beefy bite of the mythos of the Macho American Military Man Who Is Also A True Gentleman And A True Patriot and gulps it down unchewed.
This is a cozy mystery for men. Men who wouldn't be caught dead reading a mystery with a food, cat, or knitting theme will eat up John Puller (and his inspiration, Jack Reacher) without ever giving much thought to the fact that it's just the blue-painted version of Miss Marple or the Tea Shop Mysteries. It's far more violent than the pink version, and it's soaked in the idea that our hero isn't just solving a garden-variety small-town murder mystery, but Saving America, or possibly even Saving The World, and only a Big Tough American Man can save us from a bunch of beards with guns who want to harm America.
Spoiler
But as is the formula for a cozy mystery, the real culprit is much closer to home than you might think.Not just the women, but literally everyone gets physically dissected by the pen of David Baldacci. Every character, even minor ones, get relentlessly physical descriptions that seem quite judgey of a given character's height, weight, and overall health. You get things like, “He was probably sporting a six-pack under that t-shirt,” or “He had thin shoulders but carried extra weight in his thighs and butt.” But to be fair, he is capable of giving the women physical descriptions that aren't blatantly sexual. And you could justify this as coming from the tactical brain of Puller, who is used to doing detailed, habitual threat assessments of literally everyone and everything in his vicinity, which would explain the focus on height, weight, and fitness. He's tallying up things like, “Can I put this person on the ground if I need to?” or “Can I carry this person to safety if I need to?” And both of those things do happen in the story.
I've said a lot of fairly unflattering things about it, but it is a page-turner and a fun read nevertheless. But I don't know that I'll seek out more John Puller.
Does it pass the Bechdel test? No, but I ain't mad. It does all right by the women. There are competent women, ambitious women, fat old ladies who are sweet but annoying, fat old ladies who are just sweet. And our hero is never an asshole to any of them, even in his own mind, because he's perfect in every way. But kudos to Baldacci for even being capable of channeling a man who is this perfect – as readers, we are regularly confronted with male authors who can't even write a scene involving a woman without making it borderline sexual harassment. Of course, the female lead
Spoiler
conveniently dies at the end, so Baldacci/Puller doesn't have to deal with her as an ongoing complication, and also gets to retain his good guy image by not having to pull a jackass move like outright turning her down or starting something and then dumping her.Audio Notes: This is overall a pretty good audio production. It has some background music from time to time to set the mood, and a few sound effects here and there. It's mostly narrated by Ron McClarty, who's not “best audios” quality but he's perfect for a story that's told almost entirely from Puller's POV. His main drawback is that he doesn't do voices that well, and he presumably would have been abominable trying to do women's dialog. Orlagh Cassidy steps in to do the dialog of Samantha Cole and the few other female characters.