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ely_28 's review for:
Reading self help once again to help some of that self in me…Yes I’m writing this on a Friday evening so apologies if every once in a while a sentence makes absolutely no sense. Enjoy this review!
So this book had a slogan on its cover: “a key to solving almost all of your problems”. Sounded rather promising but as a pessimist that I am I thought it’s probably there just for marketing. However I was wrong and though it did not literally solve all of my problems, it sure made me realise how many of my current problems are connected to my past. It’s quite incredible, really, how we create a big portion of our problems ourselves by interpreting and seeing things through the eyes of our inner child whose head is full of misbeliefs and doubts from our childhood.
I am a big fan of lists and therefore I will now list some of the key ideas I found from this book that could possibly give you an idea of what this book tries to tell its readers.
• There is no such thing as a perfect childhood or perfect parents, however how you deal with your experiences is up to nobody else but you. As a child it might have been hard to understand and manage your emotions but now, as adults, we are 100% responsible for everything that happens to us. That means – yes blaming your parents or teachers for a bad childhood is definitely easy but the only way to get better is to take matters into your own hands and make your life better.
• Shadow child is a part of our inner child who holds our core misbeliefs and insecurities. The wrong interpretations, illusions or beliefs of the shadow child are the basis for most of our problems, either in relationships, at work or with body-image. For example: if someone gets upset over an apparently very trivial thing, well, for example, a woman gets upset because her husband forgot to buy her favourite cheese from the store, then this woman is not upset about not getting the cheese, but about her childhood beliefs: "I'm not valuable" or "I am constantly being forgotten" etc.
• Most of the mistakes we make are the results of our negative core beliefs. However, the same applies for the people around us, therefore, before we judge someone, maybe we should try to understand why they react the way they do?
• To stop making those mistakes it is crucial to understand what are those negative core beliefs for you, where do they come from and start to notice when are you behaving according to your shadow child’s beliefs to change that
• This can be really hard to do sometimes which is why self-reflection becomes one of the most important things when trying to overcome your childhood issues. Very often, people deny their problems or project them to other people. Notice that and change that!
• If someone hurt you as a child, you do not have to forgive and forget. But you should forgive yourself and move on for your own good
• Moving on can be hard since in our childhood it is easy to formulate core beliefs whether they are good or bad ones. But it is always possible to change them with consistency, patience and self love. You deserve to feel good about yourself and build a life of your own.
This book helps you understand some of your core misbeliefs, explains to you the potential defensive mechanisms you use due to these experiences, helps you understand where your beliefs come from and finally, through various exercises, lets you reach your “sun child” with more positive and healthy mindsets to apply in your everyday life.
All of this sounds way too good to be true but really it is not as easy how it seems. The effect that this book will have on you depends heavily on the way you read it. Simply reading it is not enough – if you want to actually change, it is important to first notice your behaviour, then reflect and analyse it and finally: change it.
So this book had a slogan on its cover: “a key to solving almost all of your problems”. Sounded rather promising but as a pessimist that I am I thought it’s probably there just for marketing. However I was wrong and though it did not literally solve all of my problems, it sure made me realise how many of my current problems are connected to my past. It’s quite incredible, really, how we create a big portion of our problems ourselves by interpreting and seeing things through the eyes of our inner child whose head is full of misbeliefs and doubts from our childhood.
I am a big fan of lists and therefore I will now list some of the key ideas I found from this book that could possibly give you an idea of what this book tries to tell its readers.
• There is no such thing as a perfect childhood or perfect parents, however how you deal with your experiences is up to nobody else but you. As a child it might have been hard to understand and manage your emotions but now, as adults, we are 100% responsible for everything that happens to us. That means – yes blaming your parents or teachers for a bad childhood is definitely easy but the only way to get better is to take matters into your own hands and make your life better.
• Shadow child is a part of our inner child who holds our core misbeliefs and insecurities. The wrong interpretations, illusions or beliefs of the shadow child are the basis for most of our problems, either in relationships, at work or with body-image. For example: if someone gets upset over an apparently very trivial thing, well, for example, a woman gets upset because her husband forgot to buy her favourite cheese from the store, then this woman is not upset about not getting the cheese, but about her childhood beliefs: "I'm not valuable" or "I am constantly being forgotten" etc.
• Most of the mistakes we make are the results of our negative core beliefs. However, the same applies for the people around us, therefore, before we judge someone, maybe we should try to understand why they react the way they do?
• To stop making those mistakes it is crucial to understand what are those negative core beliefs for you, where do they come from and start to notice when are you behaving according to your shadow child’s beliefs to change that
• This can be really hard to do sometimes which is why self-reflection becomes one of the most important things when trying to overcome your childhood issues. Very often, people deny their problems or project them to other people. Notice that and change that!
• If someone hurt you as a child, you do not have to forgive and forget. But you should forgive yourself and move on for your own good
• Moving on can be hard since in our childhood it is easy to formulate core beliefs whether they are good or bad ones. But it is always possible to change them with consistency, patience and self love. You deserve to feel good about yourself and build a life of your own.
This book helps you understand some of your core misbeliefs, explains to you the potential defensive mechanisms you use due to these experiences, helps you understand where your beliefs come from and finally, through various exercises, lets you reach your “sun child” with more positive and healthy mindsets to apply in your everyday life.
All of this sounds way too good to be true but really it is not as easy how it seems. The effect that this book will have on you depends heavily on the way you read it. Simply reading it is not enough – if you want to actually change, it is important to first notice your behaviour, then reflect and analyse it and finally: change it.