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destinier 's review for:
Why Men Love Bitches
by Sherry Argov
Oh my god. I don't think I've hated a book more than this one.
The premise of the book itself - holding your own in a relationship, being an independent woman, is completely fine. But damn does it go the wrong way about it completely. The first few chapters are okay and are great at promoting independence, confidence, self-love, and power, but the 'Dumb Fox' chapter and onwards, is where it gets messy.
Not only does the idea of the 'Dumb Fox' reject the rest of the book, but enables women playing 'dumb' to reclaim their power. As someone who prides themselves on being an intelligent and strong woman, I fucking hate this idea. And personally, I feel sad for anyone who happily considers themselves a dumb fox. Actually, sorry, I forgot that I shouldn't wear my heart on my sleeve and be emotional. Supposedly, men are deterred and turned off by such a woman. Which leads me to the question - why do we care so much about what men want, need, and how to please them? I'd much rather invest that energy into myself. Although subtle, this book screams 'desperate for male attention and validation!'.
Argov supports the idea of games, manipulation, and trickery, to have men "eat from the palm of your hand". Good luck maintaining a healthy, long-term relationship this way. While I appreciate that this book is targeted toward the easily-moulded, pushover, "too nice" women in the dating scene, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being nice, and with being a strong woman. They are not mutually exclusive, and this book makes it seem that you must sacrifice being nice to hold down a partner.
Besides, the men she interviews in this book are absolute assholes anyway. I don't know what kind of men she was interviewing (she claims an age range of 18-70 year-old single, dating, and married men), but they are, in the nicest way possible, fuckwits.
- "If a woman doesn't wear her heart on her sleeve, she comes off as less emotional and more appealing"
- "The childlike qualities in us [men] propel us to try to take advantage. It's a good thing to know the woman you love won't put up with it"
- "I think a woman who talks less is more attractive"
What. The. Fuck. I'm sorry, but from the perspective of someone in an incredibly healthy relationship for over a year, there is so much bullshit spilt all over this book. The right partner will not even think about taking advantage of you, and will love you for all that you are and all that you are not. My partner is completely accepting of how much I talk (I can go on forever), will hold me close whether I'm laughing and happy, or unstable, having a panic attack, and in tears - and won't judge either way.
The only line that I appreciated was "the best advice I ever heard is, don't take anyone else's advice", retrieved from an interview with Eddie Murphy. With this book, take what resonates, and discard the rest (which, unfortunately, was personally about 90% of it).
The premise of the book itself - holding your own in a relationship, being an independent woman, is completely fine. But damn does it go the wrong way about it completely. The first few chapters are okay and are great at promoting independence, confidence, self-love, and power, but the 'Dumb Fox' chapter and onwards, is where it gets messy.
Not only does the idea of the 'Dumb Fox' reject the rest of the book, but enables women playing 'dumb' to reclaim their power. As someone who prides themselves on being an intelligent and strong woman, I fucking hate this idea. And personally, I feel sad for anyone who happily considers themselves a dumb fox. Actually, sorry, I forgot that I shouldn't wear my heart on my sleeve and be emotional. Supposedly, men are deterred and turned off by such a woman. Which leads me to the question - why do we care so much about what men want, need, and how to please them? I'd much rather invest that energy into myself. Although subtle, this book screams 'desperate for male attention and validation!'.
Argov supports the idea of games, manipulation, and trickery, to have men "eat from the palm of your hand". Good luck maintaining a healthy, long-term relationship this way. While I appreciate that this book is targeted toward the easily-moulded, pushover, "too nice" women in the dating scene, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being nice, and with being a strong woman. They are not mutually exclusive, and this book makes it seem that you must sacrifice being nice to hold down a partner.
Besides, the men she interviews in this book are absolute assholes anyway. I don't know what kind of men she was interviewing (she claims an age range of 18-70 year-old single, dating, and married men), but they are, in the nicest way possible, fuckwits.
- "If a woman doesn't wear her heart on her sleeve, she comes off as less emotional and more appealing"
- "The childlike qualities in us [men] propel us to try to take advantage. It's a good thing to know the woman you love won't put up with it"
- "I think a woman who talks less is more attractive"
What. The. Fuck. I'm sorry, but from the perspective of someone in an incredibly healthy relationship for over a year, there is so much bullshit spilt all over this book. The right partner will not even think about taking advantage of you, and will love you for all that you are and all that you are not. My partner is completely accepting of how much I talk (I can go on forever), will hold me close whether I'm laughing and happy, or unstable, having a panic attack, and in tears - and won't judge either way.
The only line that I appreciated was "the best advice I ever heard is, don't take anyone else's advice", retrieved from an interview with Eddie Murphy. With this book, take what resonates, and discard the rest (which, unfortunately, was personally about 90% of it).