A review by brokenrecord
Loose Cannon by Sidney Bell

5.0

Man, this book. I wasn't expecting to be so into it, but it just got me. The angst and tension was just so perfect. I loved Miller and Church and what they were dealing with. Miller was a bit frustrating but it's also totally understandable that he would've internalized so much shit that even if he'd be okay with Church being gay, it wouldn't be something he'd readily accept about himself. (Although given that, it doesn't actually take him THAT long, all things considered, to get on board, so it wasn't too frustrating.)

There were a couple bits where I'd be worried about a misunderstanding or unnecessary drama, but then they played out perfectly.

Spoiler

Like the first time they hook up and Miller freaks out immediately afterwards, but his first reaction is basically, "I have to do whatever I can to make sure Church doesn't leave and realizes this was all my fault because I need him," and how after they have sex and Church is like, "Is now the time you bolt?" Miller's like, "I mean, we both know I'm just going to end up here again so why bother." And with the Vasya stuff, how Church is so sure Miller will hate him for it, but then he tells him everything and Miller gets it and isn't upset. And how when Church overhears him tell Shelby what they have isn't anything and Church gets upset and bolts, Miller can't keep up the "It's nothing," lie and tells her everything, and then when he finds out Church overheard, he's again just like, "I have to fix this and make it better." And how Church goes off but doesn't hurt anyone or himself and lets Miller get him as long as he doesn't talk. AND WHEN MILLER KISSES CHURCH PUBLICLY AFTER THE WAREHOUSE BURNS DOWN. This is becoming a mess at this point, but man, I just loved them, and I loved how all these moments that could've milked for extra, unnecessary drama weren't. There was some angst involved, but not an excessive amount, and both just love each other SO much even when Miller wasn't fully ready to admit it, and both were trying to be better people and make things work, and that just always gets to me. I also loved how after the time they almost kiss, both seem to realize they need to keep their distance, but they both end up being like, "Wow, this is really hard, and also I was touching him way more than I had realized whoops."

Beyond all of that, I loved Tobias and Ghost, and this made me eager for their books as well. I also loved Shelby and her acceptance and encouragement of Miller even when she was not sure about Church (more because of his past than him being a dude), and her daughter was also great. The conversation where she was trying to convince Church to buy her a vibrator was hilarious. Anyways I just loved this a lot and wasn't expecting to! It was so excellent.