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A review by lawl3sswr3n
All That You Leave Behind: A Memoir by Erin Lee Carr
1.0
Decent at first, this book got unbearable to read.
This is a documentary writer/producer's attempt at a memoir in which she depicts her life and her relationship with her father.
Although it seems she attempts to do that, there are so many missed opportunities to deep dive and go further. So many holes. So much lacking. So little craft. Here are a few of my very glaring issues with this book:
1. She has a wildly unhealthy relationship with her father. She never truly becomes her own identity without him. She's WILDLY codependent. For her success. For advice. For her self esteem. For her entire worth in this world. Everything was through the lens of him. It was insanity. And so hard to watch. Like.... Baby girl. Do some serious soul searching in learning to love yourself a little more. Find your own value without having to seek approval from him. Actually figure things out on your own (she touches on living in his shadow but never really actually gets out from under it - this book even is still living under his shadow as he takes a larger spotlight than her). This is tough because it's exemplified in the words she uses, the language she uses, and I wish it was phrased differently...
2. She enables her father in making poor choices, tolerates his anger and emotional abuse (writing it off as that's just how he is), and ultimately tolerated his unhealthy behaviors with zero boundaries. She needs to actually learn real boundaries. Stop reading about other addicts. Get some therapy or read books on actual coping tools and mechanisms for a better life.
3. She plays the victim every chance she gets. Says she wants to do things better but never actually does. Instead of acknowledging she has a problem with substance abuse and doing something about it, she justifies her choices. Says she "can't get through ___(whatever event)___ sober". I call BS. Im not one to judge usually in this area as I was raised in an addiction-ridden household and a parent in AA. I get it. But also. When are you going to stop using it as an excuse for things? When are you going to decide you no longer want to play victim and blame your heritage or your family substance abuse, or the actual substance itself and realize you're the common denominator? Taking the first step is hard. I have first-hand experience. But I also chose to no longer let something rule me. It is an actual choice, even if being addicted to a substance is not. I wish that was depicted better here.
3. How she portrayed this in the book, she treats everyone in her life like absolute garbage. Her friends she just uses as outlets to party. Puts her sister into ridiculously tough situations. She picks bad men to date then blames them. She doesn't actually put effort into the people in her life... If she does have good relationships she doesn't highlight them... Which brings down the overall morale and tone of her writing.
4. The woman is codependent. Maybe look at therapy, rehab, and the book by Melody Beattie - Codependency No More. Seriously. This is so hard to witness. Worse to get through in this writing style.
5. The book's tone is whiny. And victim-y. The author refused to own up to anything and when she does she misses the opportunity to learn lessons and learn about herself, to grow and be better. The actual action behind making actionable change. And if she sees the opportunity, instead of learning it herself she essentially reaches out to her dad to teach her. Everything is an emergency. Everything is 'damsel in distress'.
6. Beyond the emotional BS, in the book her dad is always suggesting she get to the heart of her projects by asking what is the point in this story? So I ask. What is the point in this story?! The chapters jump all over, depicting very real tragedy from a surface level, emotions and trauma with what feels like zero connecting of plot or points. If you can't come out and say the point, I should be able to gather it from your writing. I do not. The craft needs some work.
This was a hard one. Pretty much all of this book gives me the absolute ick. I was hopeful. I pushed through wanting so badly to have it get better. It didn't.
It takes guts to write something so candid. And she gave us her guts.
This is a documentary writer/producer's attempt at a memoir in which she depicts her life and her relationship with her father.
Although it seems she attempts to do that, there are so many missed opportunities to deep dive and go further. So many holes. So much lacking. So little craft. Here are a few of my very glaring issues with this book:
1. She has a wildly unhealthy relationship with her father. She never truly becomes her own identity without him. She's WILDLY codependent. For her success. For advice. For her self esteem. For her entire worth in this world. Everything was through the lens of him. It was insanity. And so hard to watch. Like.... Baby girl. Do some serious soul searching in learning to love yourself a little more. Find your own value without having to seek approval from him. Actually figure things out on your own (she touches on living in his shadow but never really actually gets out from under it - this book even is still living under his shadow as he takes a larger spotlight than her). This is tough because it's exemplified in the words she uses, the language she uses, and I wish it was phrased differently...
2. She enables her father in making poor choices, tolerates his anger and emotional abuse (writing it off as that's just how he is), and ultimately tolerated his unhealthy behaviors with zero boundaries. She needs to actually learn real boundaries. Stop reading about other addicts. Get some therapy or read books on actual coping tools and mechanisms for a better life.
3. She plays the victim every chance she gets. Says she wants to do things better but never actually does. Instead of acknowledging she has a problem with substance abuse and doing something about it, she justifies her choices. Says she "can't get through ___(whatever event)___ sober". I call BS. Im not one to judge usually in this area as I was raised in an addiction-ridden household and a parent in AA. I get it. But also. When are you going to stop using it as an excuse for things? When are you going to decide you no longer want to play victim and blame your heritage or your family substance abuse, or the actual substance itself and realize you're the common denominator? Taking the first step is hard. I have first-hand experience. But I also chose to no longer let something rule me. It is an actual choice, even if being addicted to a substance is not. I wish that was depicted better here.
3. How she portrayed this in the book, she treats everyone in her life like absolute garbage. Her friends she just uses as outlets to party. Puts her sister into ridiculously tough situations. She picks bad men to date then blames them. She doesn't actually put effort into the people in her life... If she does have good relationships she doesn't highlight them... Which brings down the overall morale and tone of her writing.
4. The woman is codependent. Maybe look at therapy, rehab, and the book by Melody Beattie - Codependency No More. Seriously. This is so hard to witness. Worse to get through in this writing style.
5. The book's tone is whiny. And victim-y. The author refused to own up to anything and when she does she misses the opportunity to learn lessons and learn about herself, to grow and be better. The actual action behind making actionable change. And if she sees the opportunity, instead of learning it herself she essentially reaches out to her dad to teach her. Everything is an emergency. Everything is 'damsel in distress'.
6. Beyond the emotional BS, in the book her dad is always suggesting she get to the heart of her projects by asking what is the point in this story? So I ask. What is the point in this story?! The chapters jump all over, depicting very real tragedy from a surface level, emotions and trauma with what feels like zero connecting of plot or points. If you can't come out and say the point, I should be able to gather it from your writing. I do not. The craft needs some work.
This was a hard one. Pretty much all of this book gives me the absolute ick. I was hopeful. I pushed through wanting so badly to have it get better. It didn't.
It takes guts to write something so candid. And she gave us her guts.