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A review by labunnywtf
The Art of Asking: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help by Amanda Palmer
5.0
If you love people enough, they’ll give you everything.
Amanda Palmer is a problematic fave.*
I actually have a lot of problematic faves. I'd like to thank Tumblr from the bottom of my heart for pointing out how so many people who have done things for my mind, heart, and soul are really really really bad people.
That is not to say that I don't acknowledge the things that make my faves problematic. Joss Whedon, not so great at diversity. John Green, Manic Pixie Dream Something. Amanda Palmer...well, the first thing to come to mind is that a beautiful, glorious friend of mine was very upset with her after Evelyn and Evelyn came out. And I would never ever ever take that away from my friend who is 800% smarter than I am, and cares about things my brain can't even begin to process.
But...I like Amanda Palmer. I do, I can't help it. I wouldn't know anything about her if it weren't for her husband. I've been a fan of Neil Gaiman for fewer years than most, only about seven years. But he is a fave of mine. I have even seen him be considered a problematic fave, which...::flails hands::
I like her music. I like that she's an unapologetic feminist. I like her taste in husbands. I like that her song "Do it With a Rockstar" reminds me of something, and "Grown Man Cry" reminds me of someone. I like that she's super fan friendly (something I value a great deal in this internet age), and I like her husband.
Did I mention I like her husband? Because as horrible as it probably is to admit, I don't think I would know who Amanda Palmer is if it weren't for her being associated with Neil Gaiman. I am grateful for that association, but the point still stands. And because I am a bigger fan of Neil's than I am of Amanda's, I can go into this book with open eyes, because a) problematic fave, b) not the number one fan. Number 700,000, absolutely.
This book is...not problematic. Not for me, at least. I skimmed over the reviews before reading it, looking for, essentially, the problematic fave bombs. She's selfish/narcissistic/pretentious/etc/etc/etc. And there were a few reviews that I tucked away in my brain, as I do with bad reviews. "This is what people don't like. What do I think?"
I didn't have the same problem.
I love this book.
This book is 2/3 self help, which I am normally not a fan of. The rest is a memoir, and I love memoirs.
I loved 100% of this book. I did. The self help parts made me cry. Because I don't ask for help. I don't take the flower, or the donut. I am embarrassed, and cry just thinking about needing to ask for help. So those parts of the book quite naturally made me bawl. I don't even know what to say about that. I don't think I will ever feel safe taking the donut.
If you're reading this review before reading the book, just hold on to the donut and flower metaphor. You'll enjoy the metaphor later.
Not that it needs to be said, but I loved reading about her life with Neil. He's very private, so this was a fun little peek into their life together. The banana/tomato/schedule thing is so something I would do with a British husband, and I was delighted by it. I wanted to quote the entire scene for the quotes section of this book, but I refrained.
I also wanted to quote her silently screaming at the guy to come back and take the flower, but that's just because I snorted with laughter at that.
The information about the Kickstarter and the backlash was extremely interesting to read. I wasn't really paying attention when all of that happened in real time, but I vaguely remember that she raised an assload of money on Kickstarter. And I have an autographed copy of Theatre is Evil, gifted by my beautiful friend after my autographed copy of "Who Killed Amanda Palmer" died during Hurricane Isaac. I am glad that disc got made, for many reasons. Not least of which is the two songs mentioned above that make me think of things and people.
She talks about the kerfluffles with honesty, and I enjoyed that a great deal. I don't come away from this book ready to go attack all of her attackers, and scream that they just don't understand. But if the time comes where I am expressing my enjoyment of her as an artist, or as a person, and someone pulls the problematic card, I will simply say I read her book, and feel comfortable being her fan, and let them know their local library probably has it, if they want to give it a shot. Because I feel she's a genuine person.
Seriously, this book is really enjoyable. I think even if you've never heard of her before, never heard her music, it's still a worthwhile read. If the parts about having the strength to take the flower don't do you in, her relationship with Anthony just might.
*If you have never had the phrase "your fave is problematic" dance before your eyes, just consider yourself lucky. Don't go looking for information, it will hurt you.
Amanda Palmer is a problematic fave.*
I actually have a lot of problematic faves. I'd like to thank Tumblr from the bottom of my heart for pointing out how so many people who have done things for my mind, heart, and soul are really really really bad people.
That is not to say that I don't acknowledge the things that make my faves problematic. Joss Whedon, not so great at diversity. John Green, Manic Pixie Dream Something. Amanda Palmer...well, the first thing to come to mind is that a beautiful, glorious friend of mine was very upset with her after Evelyn and Evelyn came out. And I would never ever ever take that away from my friend who is 800% smarter than I am, and cares about things my brain can't even begin to process.
But...I like Amanda Palmer. I do, I can't help it. I wouldn't know anything about her if it weren't for her husband. I've been a fan of Neil Gaiman for fewer years than most, only about seven years. But he is a fave of mine. I have even seen him be considered a problematic fave, which...::flails hands::
I like her music. I like that she's an unapologetic feminist. I like her taste in husbands. I like that her song "Do it With a Rockstar" reminds me of something, and "Grown Man Cry" reminds me of someone. I like that she's super fan friendly (something I value a great deal in this internet age), and I like her husband.
Did I mention I like her husband? Because as horrible as it probably is to admit, I don't think I would know who Amanda Palmer is if it weren't for her being associated with Neil Gaiman. I am grateful for that association, but the point still stands. And because I am a bigger fan of Neil's than I am of Amanda's, I can go into this book with open eyes, because a) problematic fave, b) not the number one fan. Number 700,000, absolutely.
This book is...not problematic. Not for me, at least. I skimmed over the reviews before reading it, looking for, essentially, the problematic fave bombs. She's selfish/narcissistic/pretentious/etc/etc/etc. And there were a few reviews that I tucked away in my brain, as I do with bad reviews. "This is what people don't like. What do I think?"
I didn't have the same problem.
I love this book.
This book is 2/3 self help, which I am normally not a fan of. The rest is a memoir, and I love memoirs.
I loved 100% of this book. I did. The self help parts made me cry. Because I don't ask for help. I don't take the flower, or the donut. I am embarrassed, and cry just thinking about needing to ask for help. So those parts of the book quite naturally made me bawl. I don't even know what to say about that. I don't think I will ever feel safe taking the donut.
If you're reading this review before reading the book, just hold on to the donut and flower metaphor. You'll enjoy the metaphor later.
Not that it needs to be said, but I loved reading about her life with Neil. He's very private, so this was a fun little peek into their life together. The banana/tomato/schedule thing is so something I would do with a British husband, and I was delighted by it. I wanted to quote the entire scene for the quotes section of this book, but I refrained.
I also wanted to quote her silently screaming at the guy to come back and take the flower, but that's just because I snorted with laughter at that.
The information about the Kickstarter and the backlash was extremely interesting to read. I wasn't really paying attention when all of that happened in real time, but I vaguely remember that she raised an assload of money on Kickstarter. And I have an autographed copy of Theatre is Evil, gifted by my beautiful friend after my autographed copy of "Who Killed Amanda Palmer" died during Hurricane Isaac. I am glad that disc got made, for many reasons. Not least of which is the two songs mentioned above that make me think of things and people.
She talks about the kerfluffles with honesty, and I enjoyed that a great deal. I don't come away from this book ready to go attack all of her attackers, and scream that they just don't understand. But if the time comes where I am expressing my enjoyment of her as an artist, or as a person, and someone pulls the problematic card, I will simply say I read her book, and feel comfortable being her fan, and let them know their local library probably has it, if they want to give it a shot. Because I feel she's a genuine person.
Seriously, this book is really enjoyable. I think even if you've never heard of her before, never heard her music, it's still a worthwhile read. If the parts about having the strength to take the flower don't do you in, her relationship with Anthony just might.
*If you have never had the phrase "your fave is problematic" dance before your eyes, just consider yourself lucky. Don't go looking for information, it will hurt you.