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mtdewdependent47 's review for:
Beyond the Sling: A Real-Life Guide to Raising Confident, Loving Children the Attachment Parenting Way
by Mayim Bialik, Jay Gordon
As a disclaimer, let me start out by saying that I do respect Mayim's right as a parent and a human to raise her kids in whatever way she chooses. That being said, I wish she had the same respect for the rest of us. She claims not to judge those who choose not to use the attachment parenting style, yet in every chapter she comes across as very judgmental of those who don't parent the same way she does.
It's fine if she believes "breast is best". Actually I'm sure most people would agree with that. But she makes zero concessions for those women who are not able to breastfeed or can't for a legitimate reason, which I find very harsh and disheartening. I'm currently pregnant with my first child and I already know I'm not going to be able to breastfeed because of serious health problems. So, does that mean I will be " denying my child their birthright", as Mayim claims? If that is not judgmental I don't know what is.
Her approach to parenting is that basically, your child or children become the center of your world and life as you know it is completely over. She believes she has to be with her children basically 100% of the time, to the detriment of her husband and marriage (they got divorced shortly after this was published). She refuses to hire a babysitter for even one night, yet laments about missing being able to see a movie in the theater with her husband. My question is, why does she think that in order to be a good parent you have to be a martyr and give up EVERYTHING you found slightly pleasurable before having kids? Why is it so terrible to get a babysitter once every month or two and go see a movie with your husband? She gives no explanation for this.
She also has a lot of off the wall ideas, which frankly left me flabbergasted more than once. She thinks it's wrong to "enforce" your kids to be polite and say please, thank you and I'm sorry. I don't understand this. I also find it baffling that she refuses to teach her kids basic things like colors, letters and numbers until they are 5 years old. Again, she doesn't give a good explanation as to why. Also, her so-called "gentle discipline" is not really discipline at all, at least in my opinion. So many of her ideas left me scratching my head in amazement.
I will not go into detail about the elimination communication chapter except to say, again, she does not give a good basis for doing this. If you want to cut down on waste in the environment then cloth diapers instead of disposables are sufficient to do that. I venture to say that most new moms don't have the time to try to guess when their newborn is going to pee or poop then rush to hold them over a bucket while they do so. Please tell me the purpose of this ridiculousness! And P.S. Mayim, poop and pee IS gross, even if it's my child's. I don't want it all over me if I can avoid it.
She also has a strange hatred for people who use strollers and car seats, but doesn't really explain why. She is a proponent of babywearing, which is fine, but she made a point of heading one section of the babywearing chapter "Even if you have a bad back, you can wear your baby", then doesn't explain how you can actually do this. As someone with severe back problems, I found this highly disappointing. So, does that make me a bad mom if I can't wear my baby because of my back problems? That's how it comes across. She claims time and again not to judge others who don't parent the way she does, but she offers no insights or alternatives either, such as for people who can't breastfeed or babywear or any number of other things.
I'm sure I could continue to go on for awhile about how much I disliked this book, but I'll close by saying that probably the worst aspect of this book, on top of what I've already mentioned, is the extremely boring and almost humorless way in which it was told. I'm surprised I finished it. I definitely would not recommend this, and I don't give out one-star ratings lightly.
It's fine if she believes "breast is best". Actually I'm sure most people would agree with that. But she makes zero concessions for those women who are not able to breastfeed or can't for a legitimate reason, which I find very harsh and disheartening. I'm currently pregnant with my first child and I already know I'm not going to be able to breastfeed because of serious health problems. So, does that mean I will be " denying my child their birthright", as Mayim claims? If that is not judgmental I don't know what is.
Her approach to parenting is that basically, your child or children become the center of your world and life as you know it is completely over. She believes she has to be with her children basically 100% of the time, to the detriment of her husband and marriage (they got divorced shortly after this was published). She refuses to hire a babysitter for even one night, yet laments about missing being able to see a movie in the theater with her husband. My question is, why does she think that in order to be a good parent you have to be a martyr and give up EVERYTHING you found slightly pleasurable before having kids? Why is it so terrible to get a babysitter once every month or two and go see a movie with your husband? She gives no explanation for this.
She also has a lot of off the wall ideas, which frankly left me flabbergasted more than once. She thinks it's wrong to "enforce" your kids to be polite and say please, thank you and I'm sorry. I don't understand this. I also find it baffling that she refuses to teach her kids basic things like colors, letters and numbers until they are 5 years old. Again, she doesn't give a good explanation as to why. Also, her so-called "gentle discipline" is not really discipline at all, at least in my opinion. So many of her ideas left me scratching my head in amazement.
I will not go into detail about the elimination communication chapter except to say, again, she does not give a good basis for doing this. If you want to cut down on waste in the environment then cloth diapers instead of disposables are sufficient to do that. I venture to say that most new moms don't have the time to try to guess when their newborn is going to pee or poop then rush to hold them over a bucket while they do so. Please tell me the purpose of this ridiculousness! And P.S. Mayim, poop and pee IS gross, even if it's my child's. I don't want it all over me if I can avoid it.
She also has a strange hatred for people who use strollers and car seats, but doesn't really explain why. She is a proponent of babywearing, which is fine, but she made a point of heading one section of the babywearing chapter "Even if you have a bad back, you can wear your baby", then doesn't explain how you can actually do this. As someone with severe back problems, I found this highly disappointing. So, does that make me a bad mom if I can't wear my baby because of my back problems? That's how it comes across. She claims time and again not to judge others who don't parent the way she does, but she offers no insights or alternatives either, such as for people who can't breastfeed or babywear or any number of other things.
I'm sure I could continue to go on for awhile about how much I disliked this book, but I'll close by saying that probably the worst aspect of this book, on top of what I've already mentioned, is the extremely boring and almost humorless way in which it was told. I'm surprised I finished it. I definitely would not recommend this, and I don't give out one-star ratings lightly.