Scan barcode
A review by daner
Gender Queer: A Memoir by Maia Kobabe
emotional
informative
medium-paced
2.25
DISCLAIMER: this is a memoir, but when I talk about Maia in my review, I talk about Maia as presented as a character in this comic book. When I say "Maia didn't really examine X", I mean Maia the character, not Maia the real person. For all I know, e DID examine X, but decided to not include eir process in eir memoir. I can only judge from what is presented here.
____________________________________________________________
I thought I'd really like Gender Queer. Well, I didn't. I feel like Gender Queer very much lacks self-reflection. Maia is self-centered in eir journey, dismissing any points raised by eir environment and how eir perception of gender could be shaped by culture. Exhibit A: when Maia talks to eir mom about hating the female parts of eir anatomy, eir mom addresses the issue that she as a parent faces: reconciling wanting her children to love their bodies regardless of beauty standards and validating Maia's dysphoric feelings. It's actually an interesting point, but Maia doesn't engage with it in the slightest. Or, exhibit B: how eir aunt wonders if eir hatred of anything feminine (and yes, it does seem like e despises anything that's coded feminine in any way, shape or form) could be linked to misogyny. That's a valid point and I know I wanted to be a boy when I was little because of my internalized "girls are inferior"-misogyny. Maia tells us that the two talked until 1 AM. The actual contents of their conversation? No idea, e doesn't tell us. Again, eir aunt's notion is quickly brushed aside without REALLY examining it - one page of em tossing and turning at night doesn't cut it for me.
I liked that Maia was very honest and didn't shy away from discussing and depicting the unpleasantness that is having a period. Normalizing these issues is a good thing and I really don't get uncomfortable easily.
Except Gender Queer managed to make me feel REALLY uncomfortable when Maia talked about having sexual fantasies about Plato's Symposium. In it, Phaedrus drones on about the heavenly love between an older and a "young man (before the age when his beard starts to grow)" - yikes - and Maia depicts eir fantasies with that exact image. Maybe the beardless boy is 18+, but I was really questioning why e would include this detail, since it isn't even important for the story. Unfortunately, all of this gives conservatives and TERFs ammunition to paint gender non-conforming folks as deviants and predators again, and for this reason alone I wish it had been cut.
I am glad that Maia found a way of expressing eir gender so that e feels comfortable - I am sincerely happy for eir journey. I do think that the way e represented it in this comic book felt too surface-level at times (e.g., concerning eir hatred of anything feminine and desire to have a penis, despite claiming that e wants balance and neither identifies male or female - which is valid, but these (on the surface) contradictory feeling weren't explored at all), even though it was such an intimate memoir. Further, I was uncomfortable with some stuff that I felt like wasn't even unpacked properly, so I can only guess at the reason behind including it. I hope Gender Queer can help gender non-conforming folks feel seen and help others see them - for all it's worth, I know I examined some of my assumptions after reading, so that was a success imo.
____________________________________________________________
I thought I'd really like Gender Queer. Well, I didn't. I feel like Gender Queer very much lacks self-reflection. Maia is self-centered in eir journey, dismissing any points raised by eir environment and how eir perception of gender could be shaped by culture. Exhibit A: when Maia talks to eir mom about hating the female parts of eir anatomy, eir mom addresses the issue that she as a parent faces: reconciling wanting her children to love their bodies regardless of beauty standards and validating Maia's dysphoric feelings. It's actually an interesting point, but Maia doesn't engage with it in the slightest. Or, exhibit B: how eir aunt wonders if eir hatred of anything feminine (and yes, it does seem like e despises anything that's coded feminine in any way, shape or form) could be linked to misogyny. That's a valid point and I know I wanted to be a boy when I was little because of my internalized "girls are inferior"-misogyny. Maia tells us that the two talked until 1 AM. The actual contents of their conversation? No idea, e doesn't tell us. Again, eir aunt's notion is quickly brushed aside without REALLY examining it - one page of em tossing and turning at night doesn't cut it for me.
I liked that Maia was very honest and didn't shy away from discussing and depicting the unpleasantness that is having a period. Normalizing these issues is a good thing and I really don't get uncomfortable easily.
Except Gender Queer managed to make me feel REALLY uncomfortable when Maia talked about having sexual fantasies about Plato's Symposium. In it, Phaedrus drones on about the heavenly love between an older and a "young man (before the age when his beard starts to grow)" - yikes - and Maia depicts eir fantasies with that exact image. Maybe the beardless boy is 18+, but I was really questioning why e would include this detail, since it isn't even important for the story. Unfortunately, all of this gives conservatives and TERFs ammunition to paint gender non-conforming folks as deviants and predators again, and for this reason alone I wish it had been cut.
I am glad that Maia found a way of expressing eir gender so that e feels comfortable - I am sincerely happy for eir journey. I do think that the way e represented it in this comic book felt too surface-level at times (e.g., concerning eir hatred of anything feminine and desire to have a penis, despite claiming that e wants balance and neither identifies male or female - which is valid, but these (on the surface) contradictory feeling weren't explored at all), even though it was such an intimate memoir. Further, I was uncomfortable with some stuff that I felt like wasn't even unpacked properly, so I can only guess at the reason behind including it. I hope Gender Queer can help gender non-conforming folks feel seen and help others see them - for all it's worth, I know I examined some of my assumptions after reading, so that was a success imo.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual content and Blood
Moderate: Medical trauma