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A review by helenecats
Coming Home by Sawyer Cole Hobson
emotional
funny
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.5
I was delighted when I received an ARC of Coming Home. It took me longer than it should have to read it, because I was reading 2 other books at the same time. Otherwise, I am sure I would have flown through these 147 pages. Because it read like a conversation with a friend.
Sawyer Cole has written a book which many will find relatable, in one way or another. Even though I didn't grow up in America, even though I'm not trans nor non-binary, I recognised myself in many passages. For instance, their religious upbringing, or their love of reading.
Whilst I really loved all their reflections about their childhood, teens and their 20s, I wish this book had been slightly longer. Or perhaps written a year later. Sawyer Cole has met great people online (I won't go into more detail so as not to spoil the book) but I wanted to know more. Have they found offline queer spaces where they feel they belong? What was the reaction of the people in their new town? Maybe a sequel is in the works? I'd read it for sure.
It is so heartwarming to read about how someone can overcome their trauma and tell the reader about it in such a candid way. Exactly what I needed after reading A Little Life. I also LOVED the gratitude expressed towards educators who had a positive impact on their life, and the honesty when discussing mental health and medication.
We need more books like this, and they need to be read by parents and teens alike.
Choice quotes:
"There’s no time stamp on becoming your authentic self."
"We could talk all day about how times have shifted, but the fundamental truths of love and acceptance should be the pillars in a family—including the extended familial branches on the tree."
"there’s beauty in the breakdown if you just allow yourself to break down."
"It's also important to not hand the tools to someone else. You’re the sculptor. Only you have your vision. Only you know the path you want to take. You are the one equipped to build your future however you see it. Handing these tools to someone else oftentimes leads to disaster. Be it parents, siblings, friends, or significant others. Remember, your vision is yours. You can explain it to them, you can share it with them, but don’t let them dictate your future. The tools are yours. The future is yours. Your future is your masterpiece, and yours alone. People can share in it, they can be by your side as you achieve it, but remember that at the end of the day, it’s still yours."
"This is why it’s so important that as adults we create these safe spaces and environments for the younger generations to authentically be themselves without us forcing anything on them, i.e., gender reveals being a big one. This is where the societal constructs begin. This is where we begin to put people in boxes they may not belong in. This is why it’s important that we are educated and knowledgeable about things around us, both as a society and culturally."
"One of my aunts, who now condemns my “behavior”, said she didn’t doubt it because “I came out like a football player at birth.” Whatever that means. I’ve never understood the correlations of sports to male figures as if women and nonbinary/gender non-conforming people cannot be athletic. But again, those small-town vibes are real."
"For those that have kids, we talk so much about needing a village to raise them, but we fail to forget that adults need villages, too. We need to surround ourselves with people who want to see us thrive, not make us uncomfortable. That’s sometimes the hardest part about coming out; not knowing who stays in your village and who leaves—be it willingly or unwillingly."
"“Stop drawing attention to yourself.” “Why do you have to be so different?” “You’re going to get made fun of.” What if, instead of asking those questions or saying those things, we simply let others exist? When one is living authentically, it’s easy to appear different."
Sawyer Cole has written a book which many will find relatable, in one way or another. Even though I didn't grow up in America, even though I'm not trans nor non-binary, I recognised myself in many passages. For instance, their religious upbringing, or their love of reading.
Whilst I really loved all their reflections about their childhood, teens and their 20s, I wish this book had been slightly longer. Or perhaps written a year later. Sawyer Cole has met great people online (I won't go into more detail so as not to spoil the book) but I wanted to know more. Have they found offline queer spaces where they feel they belong? What was the reaction of the people in their new town? Maybe a sequel is in the works? I'd read it for sure.
It is so heartwarming to read about how someone can overcome their trauma and tell the reader about it in such a candid way. Exactly what I needed after reading A Little Life. I also LOVED the gratitude expressed towards educators who had a positive impact on their life, and the honesty when discussing mental health and medication.
We need more books like this, and they need to be read by parents and teens alike.
Choice quotes:
"There’s no time stamp on becoming your authentic self."
"We could talk all day about how times have shifted, but the fundamental truths of love and acceptance should be the pillars in a family—including the extended familial branches on the tree."
"there’s beauty in the breakdown if you just allow yourself to break down."
"It's also important to not hand the tools to someone else. You’re the sculptor. Only you have your vision. Only you know the path you want to take. You are the one equipped to build your future however you see it. Handing these tools to someone else oftentimes leads to disaster. Be it parents, siblings, friends, or significant others. Remember, your vision is yours. You can explain it to them, you can share it with them, but don’t let them dictate your future. The tools are yours. The future is yours. Your future is your masterpiece, and yours alone. People can share in it, they can be by your side as you achieve it, but remember that at the end of the day, it’s still yours."
"This is why it’s so important that as adults we create these safe spaces and environments for the younger generations to authentically be themselves without us forcing anything on them, i.e., gender reveals being a big one. This is where the societal constructs begin. This is where we begin to put people in boxes they may not belong in. This is why it’s important that we are educated and knowledgeable about things around us, both as a society and culturally."
"One of my aunts, who now condemns my “behavior”, said she didn’t doubt it because “I came out like a football player at birth.” Whatever that means. I’ve never understood the correlations of sports to male figures as if women and nonbinary/gender non-conforming people cannot be athletic. But again, those small-town vibes are real."
"For those that have kids, we talk so much about needing a village to raise them, but we fail to forget that adults need villages, too. We need to surround ourselves with people who want to see us thrive, not make us uncomfortable. That’s sometimes the hardest part about coming out; not knowing who stays in your village and who leaves—be it willingly or unwillingly."
"“Stop drawing attention to yourself.” “Why do you have to be so different?” “You’re going to get made fun of.” What if, instead of asking those questions or saying those things, we simply let others exist? When one is living authentically, it’s easy to appear different."