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A review by _askthebookbug
Sepia Leaves by Amandeep Sandhu
4.0
• r e v i e w •
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How does one describe a book that carries loss that threatens to explode like a volcano? Like rain that drenches one in seconds leaving him/her shivering in sticky wet clothes. Sepia Leaves by Amandeep Sandhu is a work of autobiography but is narrated in a manner in which his loss feels like our own. Written in 2008, the author speaks of mental illness and what it does to a family. It reminded me of Em and the Big Hoom and managed to break my heart into a zillion pieces. It radiates pain from the very first page, drawing me into his story and making me feel like a silent spectator watching their loss unfold. Back when mental illness wasn't discussed much, Amandeep bares it all. His honesty and vulnerability is what makes this book special. Big thanks to @divyashankar553 for recommending this to me. I can always count on her for introducing me to such underrated gems.
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Set in the '70s in Rourkela, Appu lives a lonely life right from the start. With his aloof Baba and a mentally ill Mamman, his only friend is his dog, Hercules. As a child, he struggles to understand why his Mamman isn't like other mothers. He notices how their house is always unkempt, how there was no set time for meals and most of all, he can't help but wonder how his parents never touched each other, even unintentionally. The story begins with the death of Baba and with this, the timelines are divided into two parts. One in which Appu is a child and the other as an adult. Appu recalls how his Mamman had seemingly good days when they went out together as a family but he wonders when did it all stop. Mamman's hatred towards his Baba only increased with time, making it impossible for the two of them to share a same space. Appu gets caught up between Mamman's unpredictable behaviour and Baba's helplessness. Amidst the familial problems, his childhood is forever lost. He narrates about the foul language he had to hear even when he was a child, his parent's daily squabbles which often escalated to physical lengths and the abuse he had to face when he was admitted to a boarding school.
.
He admits sadly that throughout his growing up years, no one bothered asking about his well being, if he was eating enough or even if he was just okay. His relatives weren't of much help either which left him shattered and gossips about his family made him feel worse than he already felt. Albeit Mamman harboured hatred towards his father, she loved Appu immensely which ultimately made him Mamman's designated pacifier. Carrying such a huge burden at a tender age left him mentally exhausted. For a child to bear such trauma seems unthinkable. His own nightmares about abuse and loneliness comes back to haunt him time and again. For a child to take up the responsibility of being a parent is probably one of the most harrowing thing to do and Appu had no choice but to care for them. Sepia Leaves can be defined as the survival story of a kid who managed to live, in spite of being neglected and subjected to both physical and mental exertion. But most of all, this is the story of how mental illness plagued and still continues to do so to many families, managing in breaking them apart.
.
What pained me the most was to see the havoc it creates on those who live with a mentally unstable person, the lengths they have to go to, to protect and preserve their families. Appu's story was extremely difficult to read often making me teary-eyed and melancholic. The only aspect it lacked was the way it was edited. It felt clumsy, distracting me from being fully involved in the story. While the story itself was powerful, the manner in which it was narrated including the constant jump between the timelines, made it slightly inconvenient to read this book. But Amandeep's incredible ability to talk about things in their truest form, won my heart. This is in no way an easy read but it's a given considering how it highlights mental illness. I definitely recommend this.
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Rating : 4.1/5.
.
How does one describe a book that carries loss that threatens to explode like a volcano? Like rain that drenches one in seconds leaving him/her shivering in sticky wet clothes. Sepia Leaves by Amandeep Sandhu is a work of autobiography but is narrated in a manner in which his loss feels like our own. Written in 2008, the author speaks of mental illness and what it does to a family. It reminded me of Em and the Big Hoom and managed to break my heart into a zillion pieces. It radiates pain from the very first page, drawing me into his story and making me feel like a silent spectator watching their loss unfold. Back when mental illness wasn't discussed much, Amandeep bares it all. His honesty and vulnerability is what makes this book special. Big thanks to @divyashankar553 for recommending this to me. I can always count on her for introducing me to such underrated gems.
.
Set in the '70s in Rourkela, Appu lives a lonely life right from the start. With his aloof Baba and a mentally ill Mamman, his only friend is his dog, Hercules. As a child, he struggles to understand why his Mamman isn't like other mothers. He notices how their house is always unkempt, how there was no set time for meals and most of all, he can't help but wonder how his parents never touched each other, even unintentionally. The story begins with the death of Baba and with this, the timelines are divided into two parts. One in which Appu is a child and the other as an adult. Appu recalls how his Mamman had seemingly good days when they went out together as a family but he wonders when did it all stop. Mamman's hatred towards his Baba only increased with time, making it impossible for the two of them to share a same space. Appu gets caught up between Mamman's unpredictable behaviour and Baba's helplessness. Amidst the familial problems, his childhood is forever lost. He narrates about the foul language he had to hear even when he was a child, his parent's daily squabbles which often escalated to physical lengths and the abuse he had to face when he was admitted to a boarding school.
.
He admits sadly that throughout his growing up years, no one bothered asking about his well being, if he was eating enough or even if he was just okay. His relatives weren't of much help either which left him shattered and gossips about his family made him feel worse than he already felt. Albeit Mamman harboured hatred towards his father, she loved Appu immensely which ultimately made him Mamman's designated pacifier. Carrying such a huge burden at a tender age left him mentally exhausted. For a child to bear such trauma seems unthinkable. His own nightmares about abuse and loneliness comes back to haunt him time and again. For a child to take up the responsibility of being a parent is probably one of the most harrowing thing to do and Appu had no choice but to care for them. Sepia Leaves can be defined as the survival story of a kid who managed to live, in spite of being neglected and subjected to both physical and mental exertion. But most of all, this is the story of how mental illness plagued and still continues to do so to many families, managing in breaking them apart.
.
What pained me the most was to see the havoc it creates on those who live with a mentally unstable person, the lengths they have to go to, to protect and preserve their families. Appu's story was extremely difficult to read often making me teary-eyed and melancholic. The only aspect it lacked was the way it was edited. It felt clumsy, distracting me from being fully involved in the story. While the story itself was powerful, the manner in which it was narrated including the constant jump between the timelines, made it slightly inconvenient to read this book. But Amandeep's incredible ability to talk about things in their truest form, won my heart. This is in no way an easy read but it's a given considering how it highlights mental illness. I definitely recommend this.
.
Rating : 4.1/5.