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A review by tepidgirlsummer
Weird Things People Say In Bookstores by Jen Campbell
5.0
I can’t review this book without talking excessively about myself. And I can’t review it particularly well either, because I am so distracted by the Olympics right now. Yes, literally right now. Alas!
I used to work in a bookstore. I got asked a lot of questions. Some were irritating, like “Do you have a book?” to which I always wanted to answer, “Yes, as a matter of fact I have a WHOLE BUILDING FULL OF THEM.” Or: “I’m looking for a book. I don’t remember the title or the author and I’m not sure what it was about, but I think it was an Oprah’s Book Club pick a few years ago and if I remember correctly it had a green cover with a picture of a tube sock on it. Can you find that for me?” Yes, because that is how this bookstore is organized. And our search engine totally has boxes for “color of cover” and “sock or no sock.”
Some were funny, like the way-too-popular, “Do you have a copy of The Little Prince by Machiavelli?” Others made me want to punch the asker; just for the record, you should never go into a bookstore and ask the bookseller, “Can you please look this up on Amazon and tell me how much cheaper it would be to just order it from them?” Also, bookstores do not have photocopiers available for your use. You do not get to “just copy the pages I need because this book’s too expensive and I really just need the one recipe.” Go to the library for that. Or better yet, google the recipe and print it off at home.
I also had a lot of awkward, hilarious, and/or awesome conversations. From the heinous “Oh, it’s not ringing up—it must be free!” to uncomfortable conversations with people who wanted porn but apparently felt weird having a fresh-faced 20-year-old girl ring it up for them. Our favorite customer to hate, who we called Foxy Redhead Trucker, once asked me if we sold any crime books. “Fiction or nonfiction?” I asked.
He said, “I want the real stuff.”
“We have a True Crime section right over here.”
As I was leading him over to True Crime, FRT got a little more specific: “I’m looking for books about people who committed a crime and got away with it.”
A week later he came in and asked me for books on estate law in Maryland. Yikes.
I also threw teenagers out of my store for molesting a giant stuffed giraffe, dealt with parents who thought having a kids’ section meant free babysitting, and had people tell me we were committing highway robbery and they were going to go down the street to Barnes & Noble. Which, no offense to B&Ners, I never really understood. The books aren’t free there, either.
It was the best of times.
My point is that so much of Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops might sound unbelievable but IT IS SO REAL. I laughed, groaned, and slapped my forehead in dismay. This book was both cathartic and nostalgic. It’s a quick read and just hilarious. I give it a 10!
I used to work in a bookstore. I got asked a lot of questions. Some were irritating, like “Do you have a book?” to which I always wanted to answer, “Yes, as a matter of fact I have a WHOLE BUILDING FULL OF THEM.” Or: “I’m looking for a book. I don’t remember the title or the author and I’m not sure what it was about, but I think it was an Oprah’s Book Club pick a few years ago and if I remember correctly it had a green cover with a picture of a tube sock on it. Can you find that for me?” Yes, because that is how this bookstore is organized. And our search engine totally has boxes for “color of cover” and “sock or no sock.”
Some were funny, like the way-too-popular, “Do you have a copy of The Little Prince by Machiavelli?” Others made me want to punch the asker; just for the record, you should never go into a bookstore and ask the bookseller, “Can you please look this up on Amazon and tell me how much cheaper it would be to just order it from them?” Also, bookstores do not have photocopiers available for your use. You do not get to “just copy the pages I need because this book’s too expensive and I really just need the one recipe.” Go to the library for that. Or better yet, google the recipe and print it off at home.
I also had a lot of awkward, hilarious, and/or awesome conversations. From the heinous “Oh, it’s not ringing up—it must be free!” to uncomfortable conversations with people who wanted porn but apparently felt weird having a fresh-faced 20-year-old girl ring it up for them. Our favorite customer to hate, who we called Foxy Redhead Trucker, once asked me if we sold any crime books. “Fiction or nonfiction?” I asked.
He said, “I want the real stuff.”
“We have a True Crime section right over here.”
As I was leading him over to True Crime, FRT got a little more specific: “I’m looking for books about people who committed a crime and got away with it.”
A week later he came in and asked me for books on estate law in Maryland. Yikes.
I also threw teenagers out of my store for molesting a giant stuffed giraffe, dealt with parents who thought having a kids’ section meant free babysitting, and had people tell me we were committing highway robbery and they were going to go down the street to Barnes & Noble. Which, no offense to B&Ners, I never really understood. The books aren’t free there, either.
It was the best of times.
My point is that so much of Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops might sound unbelievable but IT IS SO REAL. I laughed, groaned, and slapped my forehead in dismay. This book was both cathartic and nostalgic. It’s a quick read and just hilarious. I give it a 10!