A review by just_one_more_paige
You Made a Fool of Death with Your Beauty by Akwaeke Emezi

emotional hopeful reflective sad medium-paced
  • Plot- or character-driven? A mix
  • Strong character development? Yes
  • Loveable characters? It's complicated
  • Diverse cast of characters? Yes
  • Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

5.0

 
This is one of the most polarizing love-hate reaction books I've seen recently. So, of course, I had to see for myself. It's a little late, as far as the peak timing of the conversation about it (it was published two years ago now), but I'm ready to weigh in. And, spoilers, I am  so glad I read it for myself! 
 
It's been five years since Feyi survived the car accident that killed her husband and love of her life. And she's finally starting to live again: living with her bestie, Joy, creating art in her own studio, and maybe getting back into the dating scene. After a steamy encounter at a party gets her back into things with a bang (#sorrynotsorry), she finds herself talking to another guy, Nasir, who invites her to spend some time with his at his family home on an (unnamed) Caribbean island *and* show her work as part of a major show. She goes (like, who wouldn't?). And in addition to the luxury home and offer for a major break in her artistic career, Feyi meets Nasir's father, a world-renowned chef, Alim. The connection between them is strong and hot and, though both try to ignore it, the pull is too much to resist (and things get a bit messy after that).     
 
Alright y'all. I see why everyone had such strong reactions to this book. I had one too. And you can officially mark me as "Team Feyi" - I'm falling on the "love" side of this love-hate dichotomy. At about twenty percent of the way into reading, I wrote this: "More than anything I’m impressed with this nuanced look at getting over a love lost traumatically. Balancing the need to be close to someone else versus the fear and guilt of letting that happen again...and the (much) easier option of keeping things light/unattached/in no way reminiscent of what the past held." I kept waiting and waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the part where I was like "oh no, Feyi, cringe." But, it just never happened. Did things get dramatic and messy? Oh, big yes. There was no way to avoid that with a setup like this (it would have been disingenuous and a much worse story). And yet. I never stopped being impressed. 
 
Mainly, I got so emotionally invested in Feyi and Alim. The small (and then growing) moments between them were so touching. It hurt to read their pain, and that absolutely leaned me into "cheering" for them (just the idea of losing my own love in that kind of traumatic way, in any way really, leaves me devastated so I am inclined to support pretty much any style of coping/recovery, tbh). But it was also soothing and hopeful, the way they were able to connect through and because of those shared experiences and feelings. (The sexual tension was top notch.) I mean yes, a few times, knowing that they knew the draw between them was powerful, they did make some slightly questionable choices. And mayyyyyybe Feyi "led Nasir on" a bit, but also let's talk about how friend-zoning and her "owing" a feeling somehow (one she hoped would develop, but just...didn't) is BS and I'm disinclined to feel bad for him in that respect. However, I also feel like Feyi and Alim did recognize how difficult things would be for Nasir and the way things fell out was a bit outside their control? Also, Nasir's reaction was a lot and honestly didn't help me feel any more sympathetic towards him. For me, it came down to the fact that the connection between Feyi and Alim was so clear and deep and bound up in some tender and painful parallel memories. They bonded on a deeper level and, to me, it makes sense that it’d be difficult to resist that. 
 
Also, beyond Feyi and Alim, there were so many other aspects of this novel and reading experience that I loved. Joy is a chaotic bestie and was entertaining AF to read. I loved the way Feyi used art to cope and express (and I loved the pieces that she made!). The installation especially,  it hit hard and raw and leaves behind, as one of the “curators” said, a very real ache. I was here for the bisexual rep from characters who had both had more hetero-looking relationships previously and here, with each other, while also sharing, on-page, same-sex experiences they'd had. Sort of on that topic, I very, very rarely read anything with a parent coming out to their children, especially in a situation where it doesn't go well. (It sort of happened in All My Mother’s Lovers, but that was a very different vibes/situation style novel.) It was (surprisingly, though idk why I feel that way because it wouldn’t have felt like a surprise if the ages were reversed…maybe I hope for more acceptance/inclusivity from younger generations as a rule, maybe just because it’s an unfamiliar story) particularly heart-wrenching. And, though I would expect nothing less from Emezi at this point (after reading Freshwater and The Death of Vivek Oji) the writing was gorgeous and original and poetically descriptive and, overall, really stunning.  
 
To reiterate, in case there was any way you missed it, I loved this book. I have already recommended it to numerous people, and I will continue to do so. #sorrynotsorry 
 
"I think we’re just figuring out how to survive a world on fire… that it’s okay to be alive.” 
 
"Everyone had a right to keep some hurts buried and private." 
 
"...they were turning her into a woman who wanted so loudly that it was drowning out the logic of a choice, and that terrified Feyi. That felt dangerous, fast and menacing. She had to get away from it." 
 
"She was hers; she was alive; there was so much to do." 
 
“I used to try to capture it in a camera when I was younger. It was… so futile.” He laughed. “Some things are only meant to exist in our eyes, I think.” 
 
"She let too many secrets fall into the syllables, a foolish accident that threaded a vein of hunger into her voice..." 
 
'"...there are so many different types of love, so many ways someone can stay committed to you, stay in your life even if y’all aren’t together, you know? And none of these ways are more important than the other.” 
 
"Feyi’s heart beat wildly against her ribs as the taste of mango detonated in her mouth. She felt like she was leaping off a waterfall, the rush of a river clamoring in her ears." 
 
"Showing work like this felt a little like screaming out loud in a public place, screaming and screaming until someone understood what the fuck had happened to her, until it drove them to silence because there was nothing, nothing any of them could say to make it better." 
 
"None of this mattered, except the parts that did." 
 
"I want you—I want us to know that this is real. That it survives the mountain, that it can cross the sea and still be there, in our hearts.” 
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