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A review by steamyshortwing
22 Things a Woman with Asperger's Syndrome Wants Her Partner to Know by Rudy Simone
Did not finish book.
1.0
I'm on the spectrum and had high hopes for this book. This book pigeon holed women on the spectrum (it uses Asperger's as kind of a catch all term, which I don't mind) and attempts to deflect criticism by using words like "Maybe" instead of actually approaching the subject in the nuanced multi faceted way it deserves.
There's a short section in the beginning giving advice to a prospective partner of an aspergirl (the short hand the book uses) and it's extremely infantilizing.
Stating that the prospective partner must tell the aspergirl when and where they're going (which sounds like common decency for a first or even third date).
To check the weather and inform the aspergirl of it.
And to make sure to pick a restaurant that doesn't have a lot of choices, saying a Chinese restaurant with a lot of choices is a bad idea for an aspergirl.
Lots of women on the spectrum manage with the weather and choices at a restaurant just fine. It's not necessarily a good thing to assist a woman on the spectrum (or any woman really) with these things. It's operating under an assumption that she can't manage these things on her own, or that she'd appreciate assistance with these things. Which again, is a broad generalization and may in fact backfire.
The book later makes a broad generalization that women on the spectrum don't like makeup or designer bags or maintaining a more "feminine" appearance. This leads into the stereotype that you can "look" autistic. The book could have easily made its next point, which was about how being with an aspergirl comes with it's own unique challenges, without the subtle dig at women who enjoy looking a certain way and buying certain things.
Autistic people deal with enough of that, there is no reason to enable the perpetration of putting other women down to uplift another group of women.
The book suggests the partner basically be a free therapist for the aspergirl. That is no one's responsibility and definitely not a task a partner should put upon themselves because a book said so.
The book suggests multiple manipulation tactics under the guise of helping. To engage in ways that supposedly helps the aspergirl see the error of her ways while not being upfront with her about what behavior the partner is trying to change.
The book assumes and generalizes faults of partners and women on the spectrum. Uses stereotypes to make its points, and uses words like "Maybe" without providing nuance to justify shielding criticism by hedging it's bets.
There's a short section in the beginning giving advice to a prospective partner of an aspergirl (the short hand the book uses) and it's extremely infantilizing.
Stating that the prospective partner must tell the aspergirl when and where they're going (which sounds like common decency for a first or even third date).
To check the weather and inform the aspergirl of it.
And to make sure to pick a restaurant that doesn't have a lot of choices, saying a Chinese restaurant with a lot of choices is a bad idea for an aspergirl.
Lots of women on the spectrum manage with the weather and choices at a restaurant just fine. It's not necessarily a good thing to assist a woman on the spectrum (or any woman really) with these things. It's operating under an assumption that she can't manage these things on her own, or that she'd appreciate assistance with these things. Which again, is a broad generalization and may in fact backfire.
The book later makes a broad generalization that women on the spectrum don't like makeup or designer bags or maintaining a more "feminine" appearance. This leads into the stereotype that you can "look" autistic. The book could have easily made its next point, which was about how being with an aspergirl comes with it's own unique challenges, without the subtle dig at women who enjoy looking a certain way and buying certain things.
Autistic people deal with enough of that, there is no reason to enable the perpetration of putting other women down to uplift another group of women.
The book suggests the partner basically be a free therapist for the aspergirl. That is no one's responsibility and definitely not a task a partner should put upon themselves because a book said so.
The book suggests multiple manipulation tactics under the guise of helping. To engage in ways that supposedly helps the aspergirl see the error of her ways while not being upfront with her about what behavior the partner is trying to change.
The book assumes and generalizes faults of partners and women on the spectrum. Uses stereotypes to make its points, and uses words like "Maybe" without providing nuance to justify shielding criticism by hedging it's bets.