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A review by labwa_0712
53 Letters for My Lover by Leylah Attar
5.0
When I first read this book, I didn't know what to feel. There was that forbidden element that made it very emotional but at the same time, this book contains my most despised theme: cheating. I stay away from a lot of fan-fav books because of this stupid thing. To me, it makes no sense. So naturally, I rated this book only 3 stars after my first read. But I have this habit of rereading certain scenes from books I have read before, books I liked or not because those scenes are full of angst and they get to me. For this book, I revisited those chapters again and again until I began to see the characters in a new light.
Granted that I love this book, I would never condone cheating. But this story portrays the raw emotions, the pain, that desperate longing and I found my heart breaking. And mind you, I came to this conclusion after several rereads. I changed my rating to 4 stars and then ultimately 5 stars. So let's dive into why I love this book despite cheating.
Shayda is an immigrant from Iran and has married a man named Hafez at a very young age. Together they immigrated to Canada in the search for a better life. Hafez's family was not well off and i think he drove trucks for a living. I'm not sure. Anyways, his father hid certain secrets that resulted in the downfall of his family. Once, they invited this despicable man to live in their home because he was helping them financially. Despite knowing his ugly character, they could not help it because they were dependant on being in his good books. But that man was depraved and evil. He tried to rape Shayda once but that ended in Hafez coming to her rescue and that man dying. Later it was found out that he sexually assaulted Hafez and after that, Hafez was not the same. Due to his trauma, his life, his personal relationship with Shayda was adversely affected. He could not make love to his wife normally without those tragic memories, could not even look at her face during the act. And poor Shayda, she was young and alone. But they maintained a friendship despite being married.
" Maybe I've carried you with me for so long there's no room for anyone else."
On the other hand, Troy Heathgate is living the ultimate life. An only child to wealthy parents, he never went without anything he desired in his life. Looks, brains, money, girls, he possessed them all. Until he meets the only girl that he can never get. Troy and Shayda's meeting was something magical. Shayda felt her world shake at its core when they met. Troy was the representation of the life she never had. She went through so many things, so many hurdles, even complications with her own family that she never knew real joy.
"Something changed in that instant. For me. For him. Like when the sun and the moon align and day turns into night. They only see each other's faces and hang, transfixed, even as their eclipse throws everything into darkness. For those fleeting moments, everything made sense- the pattern behind that random trajectory of life, the infinite order beneath chaos."
Shayda tried so hard to stay away from Troy. So many times she walked away from him. Then one day he tells her that one fact that released that craving that was caged in her. When they first met, Troy told her not to move because there was a butterfly on her shoulder. That was a lie though. He just didn't want her to leave so he made up a reason. But when he saw the wedding band on her finger, he had to release her. Over the years, they met and still walked away from this forbidden attraction. They thought the lingering lust would be resolved if they sate it with their bodies. But they were wrong. How can you walk away from the very person that your heart beats for? Troy gives Shayda that semblance of happiness she never had before. Even if it was fleeting. Their secret trysts, stolen moments no matter how short brought that small slice of peace. He taught her to love herself, to become confident, to be a better version of herself. Over the years, many circumstances tear them apart and bring them together again. Shayda was scared she would lose that semblance of normalcy, the familiarity, and most importantly her family if she chose Troy. So she kept loving him secretly.
"Mine, Beetroot. All mine."
This story spans over three decades, exploring the depths of a love so true yet so unattainable. It speaks of the pain, that desperate yearning of two lovers, circling around the periphery of each other's lives but never meeting. This story made me cry, made me laugh, made my heart clench until I could take it no more. The more I read this book, the more I love it. Moreover, the poetic writing of this book is just so captivating. Every word was filled with emotions that would mark the readers.
"I love you, Shayda. I miss you everywhere I go. I want to see you turn your nose up at chapulines in Mexico. I want to walk Temple Street Market with you when I am in Hong Kong. I want to share every sunrise and every sunset and every second in between with you. I want your laughter and your breath and your blood and your bones. You're the one thing that centers my soul. I may circle the whole world, but you'll always be home Beetroot."
The best thing about this book was Troy Heathgate. He's my dream man. I love him so much I have no words. He's just amazing. So amazing. He's kind, passionate and so full of love. He's charming, intelligent, good looking and so so sexy. His love for Shayda, that pain of sharing her made my heart bleed. He was always there but never a part of her life. He was possessive but was never overly jealous. Because he knew that she belonged to him. He never forced her to leave Hafez because he was aware that Hafez was important to her. When I read the novella from his POV, I got his own words about how he loved Shayda. Troy Heathgate totally stole my heart and I don't want it back.
"You are mine, bound to me, tied to me, from this day on. And don't you forget it."
I realize that authors use the theme of cheating to add an insane level of angst to a story. And Leylah Attar has done it astoundingly well. The characters in this story engage in a secret affair because they loved each other for years. They tried to ignore it but they were unsuccessful. Because Shayda was broken and Troy wanted to make her happy. So this might be the only reason I could overlook their affair.
“We were like two stars converging around the same axis, but with paths that missed each other by a fraction of infinity.”
“If Troy Heathgate locks in on you, you're done for. Even when you know he's so,so bad for you,it feels so,so good.”
“It started long before this, when stars were mere particles in swirling clouds of dust. And every event since has conspired to bring us together.”
“It’s not perfect, this thing between us, like trying to bring the two circles of our lives together, and living in the small, tight space where they intersect, everything else pushed to the circumference, until we step back inside our very different, very separate orbs.”
In most of the other books I read that contained cheating, the characters literally did it for no reason. Because they were drunk. Or the other person was insanely attractive. Or some other bullshit reasons. I hated those characters. Two books that come into my mind are [b:Thoughtless|13517535|Thoughtless (Thoughtless, #1)|S.C. Stephens|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1331254339l/13517535._SY75_.jpg|14321512] and [b:A Love Letter to Whiskey|31549837|A Love Letter to Whiskey|Kandi Steiner|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1474899327l/31549837._SY75_.jpg|52229102]. They are so popular books loved by a lot of people but I hate them. The characters were horrible. Their reasons for cheating were bullshit. Their partners were not assholes that would cause them to cheat. No justifiable reasons for their infidelity. None whatsoever.
Overall, this book fills my heart every time I read it. This is one of my favorites and I have no words to describe how much I love this. So much love that I might have gotten too emotional while writing this review.
Granted that I love this book, I would never condone cheating. But this story portrays the raw emotions, the pain, that desperate longing and I found my heart breaking. And mind you, I came to this conclusion after several rereads. I changed my rating to 4 stars and then ultimately 5 stars. So let's dive into why I love this book despite cheating.
Shayda is an immigrant from Iran and has married a man named Hafez at a very young age. Together they immigrated to Canada in the search for a better life. Hafez's family was not well off and i think he drove trucks for a living. I'm not sure. Anyways, his father hid certain secrets that resulted in the downfall of his family. Once, they invited this despicable man to live in their home because he was helping them financially. Despite knowing his ugly character, they could not help it because they were dependant on being in his good books. But that man was depraved and evil. He tried to rape Shayda once but that ended in Hafez coming to her rescue and that man dying. Later it was found out that he sexually assaulted Hafez and after that, Hafez was not the same. Due to his trauma, his life, his personal relationship with Shayda was adversely affected. He could not make love to his wife normally without those tragic memories, could not even look at her face during the act. And poor Shayda, she was young and alone. But they maintained a friendship despite being married.
" Maybe I've carried you with me for so long there's no room for anyone else."
On the other hand, Troy Heathgate is living the ultimate life. An only child to wealthy parents, he never went without anything he desired in his life. Looks, brains, money, girls, he possessed them all. Until he meets the only girl that he can never get. Troy and Shayda's meeting was something magical. Shayda felt her world shake at its core when they met. Troy was the representation of the life she never had. She went through so many things, so many hurdles, even complications with her own family that she never knew real joy.
"Something changed in that instant. For me. For him. Like when the sun and the moon align and day turns into night. They only see each other's faces and hang, transfixed, even as their eclipse throws everything into darkness. For those fleeting moments, everything made sense- the pattern behind that random trajectory of life, the infinite order beneath chaos."
Shayda tried so hard to stay away from Troy. So many times she walked away from him. Then one day he tells her that one fact that released that craving that was caged in her. When they first met, Troy told her not to move because there was a butterfly on her shoulder. That was a lie though. He just didn't want her to leave so he made up a reason. But when he saw the wedding band on her finger, he had to release her. Over the years, they met and still walked away from this forbidden attraction. They thought the lingering lust would be resolved if they sate it with their bodies. But they were wrong. How can you walk away from the very person that your heart beats for? Troy gives Shayda that semblance of happiness she never had before. Even if it was fleeting. Their secret trysts, stolen moments no matter how short brought that small slice of peace. He taught her to love herself, to become confident, to be a better version of herself. Over the years, many circumstances tear them apart and bring them together again. Shayda was scared she would lose that semblance of normalcy, the familiarity, and most importantly her family if she chose Troy. So she kept loving him secretly.
"Mine, Beetroot. All mine."
This story spans over three decades, exploring the depths of a love so true yet so unattainable. It speaks of the pain, that desperate yearning of two lovers, circling around the periphery of each other's lives but never meeting. This story made me cry, made me laugh, made my heart clench until I could take it no more. The more I read this book, the more I love it. Moreover, the poetic writing of this book is just so captivating. Every word was filled with emotions that would mark the readers.
"I love you, Shayda. I miss you everywhere I go. I want to see you turn your nose up at chapulines in Mexico. I want to walk Temple Street Market with you when I am in Hong Kong. I want to share every sunrise and every sunset and every second in between with you. I want your laughter and your breath and your blood and your bones. You're the one thing that centers my soul. I may circle the whole world, but you'll always be home Beetroot."
The best thing about this book was Troy Heathgate. He's my dream man. I love him so much I have no words. He's just amazing. So amazing. He's kind, passionate and so full of love. He's charming, intelligent, good looking and so so sexy. His love for Shayda, that pain of sharing her made my heart bleed. He was always there but never a part of her life. He was possessive but was never overly jealous. Because he knew that she belonged to him. He never forced her to leave Hafez because he was aware that Hafez was important to her. When I read the novella from his POV, I got his own words about how he loved Shayda. Troy Heathgate totally stole my heart and I don't want it back.
"You are mine, bound to me, tied to me, from this day on. And don't you forget it."
I realize that authors use the theme of cheating to add an insane level of angst to a story. And Leylah Attar has done it astoundingly well. The characters in this story engage in a secret affair because they loved each other for years. They tried to ignore it but they were unsuccessful. Because Shayda was broken and Troy wanted to make her happy. So this might be the only reason I could overlook their affair.
“We were like two stars converging around the same axis, but with paths that missed each other by a fraction of infinity.”
“If Troy Heathgate locks in on you, you're done for. Even when you know he's so,so bad for you,it feels so,so good.”
“It started long before this, when stars were mere particles in swirling clouds of dust. And every event since has conspired to bring us together.”
“It’s not perfect, this thing between us, like trying to bring the two circles of our lives together, and living in the small, tight space where they intersect, everything else pushed to the circumference, until we step back inside our very different, very separate orbs.”
In most of the other books I read that contained cheating, the characters literally did it for no reason. Because they were drunk. Or the other person was insanely attractive. Or some other bullshit reasons. I hated those characters. Two books that come into my mind are [b:Thoughtless|13517535|Thoughtless (Thoughtless, #1)|S.C. Stephens|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1331254339l/13517535._SY75_.jpg|14321512] and [b:A Love Letter to Whiskey|31549837|A Love Letter to Whiskey|Kandi Steiner|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1474899327l/31549837._SY75_.jpg|52229102]. They are so popular books loved by a lot of people but I hate them. The characters were horrible. Their reasons for cheating were bullshit. Their partners were not assholes that would cause them to cheat. No justifiable reasons for their infidelity. None whatsoever.
Overall, this book fills my heart every time I read it. This is one of my favorites and I have no words to describe how much I love this. So much love that I might have gotten too emotional while writing this review.