Scan barcode
A review by mar555
17 First Kisses by Rachael Allen
1.0
I saw this book back in June, and the cover and the title and the summary totally got me, but lately so much crap has been published that I knew I had to check the reviews before buying it. I saw a couple of bad ones and thought whatevs, I'm gonna read it anyway.
So I read it.
And gosh, I'm so glad I borrowed it and didn't spend any money on it.
There were several random/not so random things that bugged me out of my mind, and I think it all made sense when I read the About Author part. But all in good time.
Note that this book has annoyed me on a sort of personal note, so this is all MY perspective.
I've highlighted the sentences that annoyed me the most and I'm gonna go through all of them, plus the things I don't have a sentence for.
annoying quote number 1:
I'm sorry, but I'm latin and soccer is super huge and super common here, and that line is what I call Trying Too Hard. Okay, so now we know Claire is basically perf and a total pro at soccer. Cool. Also, and I don't have a quote for this, but it was in the same part so I'll go anyway.
I almost ditched the book when Luke got all cocky while saying he "at least got to spend middle school in Germany." Why does he have to be cocky about it. I know plenty of people my who have lived all over, and none of them sound cocky when they talk about the places they've lived in.
annoying quote number 2:
Now, that line I had to double check. Because if obnoxiousness were measured on a 1-10 scale, that would be an 11. Because who says that. Seriously. That's all I've got to say about that. Now we also know that Claire is like, totally smart too. And modest.
annoying quote number 3:
Can I just ask, did Allen really necessitate that word? Did she really have to use it? I can only laugh at that sentence. It seems just so ridiculous. If the writing of the book had been consistently like that, I might've tolerated that word. But it wasn't. It was written the way simple chick-lit is written. And simple chick-lit, or any kind of book really, should not drop fancy vocab like that. It's just a huge no-no.
Moving on.
annoying quote number 4:
Megan says that so lightly. Because talking about giving blow jobs at 17 the same way you'd talk about food or watering plants is just so normal, right? It's so fucked up it's ridiculous.
annoying quote number 5:
Sam is in AP calc during his senior year and he doesn't know how to do derivatives. I'm useless at math, and believe me when I say there is nothing better than derivatives. If he doesn't know how to do them then he has no business in AP calc. How are we supposed to buy this?
annoying quote number 6:
Because everyone is a skank or a slut or a whore or a hoe in this book but perf little Claire.
annoying quote number 7:
Please tell me this dialogue doesn't sound pathetic only to me. Y'know, for a book where everyone is so comfortable getting sexual with other people, they sure make kissing a big deal. I'm seventeen, like Claire, and I just can't picture myself hanging out or even tolerating people my age who talk like that.
annoying quote number 8:
Nuff said.
annoying quote number 9:
Because it's not like Megan has stolen Claire's boyfriend before. Hello.
annoying quote number 10:
He really did use that line. And Claire's mom really did buy it. As if the fact that he jumped from her best friend to her in less than two days and the way he talked about her with Claire weren't enough, now you've got that line too.
annoying quote number 11:
Claire is always talking about not understanding this girl code, and now suddenly she knows what it says. Whatever, it's not like anyone in this book even knows what the girl code is about.
annoying quote number 12:
This, like many other lines, is so out of character. Claire is zero funny, zero sarcastic, zero teasing. Once again, trying too hard.
annoying quote number 13:
dafuq. Honestly. The only "bad thing" I recall them doing is the really bad phone prank, and that should be proof that Claire is awesome at being a dramaqueen as well.
annoying quote number 14:
Oh. My. God. Here we go with modesty again. Also, not only is Claire super good at soccer and incredibly intelligent, she's also got a rocking bod. HOW COOL.
AND FINALLY
annoying quote number 15:
Yup.
This book is awful in so many levels. I found grammar mistakes, I couldn't relate or even like any of the characters, all the relationships were beyond messed up, the main character was an obnoxious pretentious little shit, the writing was terrible and inconsistent.
I did like the dictionary-like entrances, but that's about it.
I couldn't make up my mind about Megan, because half of the time she was the worst excuse of a best friend ever and the other half she was totally sweet.
There is so much slut shaming it's embarrassing that a young woman dedicates her time to writing sexist shit aimed for teenagers.
I do not and cannot understand how the mother of a six year old can fall into that kind of depression and ditch her child like that, or how the father can allow that to happen and not do anything about it either.
The characters are all dumb as fuck. Everyone loves and adores Claire for some reason, and nobody seems to notice how horrible she actually is.
Claire is the most obnoxious main character I have ever come across. She's vain, self-centered, annoying, a bad friend, conceited, and so full of herself. I had to let myself cool down for a few days after finishing the book so that I could write a decent review, but just thinking about that goddamn awful character pisses me off. She's just so stupid. She's a stupid character disguised as a smart one. And I just cannot stand that kind of trickery.
Allen really does have no idea how teenagers really behave or interact, and it makes me so mad that clueless adults makes us seventeen year olds sound so pathetic.
But then I read the About the Author part it all made sense. Because Rachael Allen sounds just about as pretentious and annoying as Claire. "Lives in Atlanta, GA, where she's working furiously on her PhD in neuroscience. When she's not doing science or writing YA, you can find her chasing after her toddler and her two sled dogs." I really don't wanna be mean, but you cannot be good at everything. And choosing to put that on your book is just so urgh. Pretentious pretentious pretentious.
Honestly, it seems like Allen is just so full of herself she has written this book based on her perfect life.
Now, my life isn't bad at all so don't get the idea that I'm jealous. I'm just pissed because this book is horrible, and I now I feel like I've just read a bibliography disguised as contemporary YA.
But if none of this bothers you, then go ahead and read the book.
It is one of the worst books I have ever read.
So I read it.
And gosh, I'm so glad I borrowed it and didn't spend any money on it.
There were several random/not so random things that bugged me out of my mind, and I think it all made sense when I read the About Author part. But all in good time.
Note that this book has annoyed me on a sort of personal note, so this is all MY perspective.
I've highlighted the sentences that annoyed me the most and I'm gonna go through all of them, plus the things I don't have a sentence for.
annoying quote number 1:
"This guy may be cute, but the true test is how he performs in this soccer game."
I'm sorry, but I'm latin and soccer is super huge and super common here, and that line is what I call Trying Too Hard. Okay, so now we know Claire is basically perf and a total pro at soccer. Cool. Also, and I don't have a quote for this, but it was in the same part so I'll go anyway.
I almost ditched the book when Luke got all cocky while saying he "at least got to spend middle school in Germany." Why does he have to be cocky about it. I know plenty of people my who have lived all over, and none of them sound cocky when they talk about the places they've lived in.
annoying quote number 2:
"It's a big deal that Sarah got in--school isn't easy for her like it is for me."
Now, that line I had to double check. Because if obnoxiousness were measured on a 1-10 scale, that would be an 11. Because who says that. Seriously. That's all I've got to say about that. Now we also know that Claire is like, totally smart too. And modest.
annoying quote number 3:
"Shorty's has the kind of pizza that necessitates the use of a knife and a fork."
Can I just ask, did Allen really necessitate that word? Did she really have to use it? I can only laugh at that sentence. It seems just so ridiculous. If the writing of the book had been consistently like that, I might've tolerated that word. But it wasn't. It was written the way simple chick-lit is written. And simple chick-lit, or any kind of book really, should not drop fancy vocab like that. It's just a huge no-no.
Moving on.
annoying quote number 4:
"I didn't have sex with Chase." ... Megan cups her hands over his ears like earmuffs. "...I just gave him a blow job."
Megan says that so lightly. Because talking about giving blow jobs at 17 the same way you'd talk about food or watering plants is just so normal, right? It's so fucked up it's ridiculous.
annoying quote number 5:
"Now, teach me how to do derivatives."
Sam is in AP calc during his senior year and he doesn't know how to do derivatives. I'm useless at math, and believe me when I say there is nothing better than derivatives. If he doesn't know how to do them then he has no business in AP calc. How are we supposed to buy this?
annoying quote number 6:
"I subjected myself to their skankover."followed by,
"This so isn't me."
Because everyone is a skank or a slut or a whore or a hoe in this book but perf little Claire.
annoying quote number 7:
"I kissed him," I say. "I kissed all your friends."
Please tell me this dialogue doesn't sound pathetic only to me. Y'know, for a book where everyone is so comfortable getting sexual with other people, they sure make kissing a big deal. I'm seventeen, like Claire, and I just can't picture myself hanging out or even tolerating people my age who talk like that.
annoying quote number 8:
"Four girls who are the less-hot equivalent of me and my friends glare at me with their arms crossed. ... 'Yeah', says the blonde with a flip of her ponytail. 'Y'all may not be the queens of the school for much longer.'"
Nuff said.
annoying quote number 9:
"Because she doesn't understand how you could do something like this to Megan. Don't expect anyone to be on your side."
Because it's not like Megan has stolen Claire's boyfriend before. Hello.
annoying quote number 10:
"Wow, you don't look old enough to be Claire's mom," Luke says.
He really did use that line. And Claire's mom really did buy it. As if the fact that he jumped from her best friend to her in less than two days and the way he talked about her with Claire weren't enough, now you've got that line too.
annoying quote number 11:
"I don't care that, per girl code, I'm supposed to make him say it first."
Claire is always talking about not understanding this girl code, and now suddenly she knows what it says. Whatever, it's not like anyone in this book even knows what the girl code is about.
annoying quote number 12:
"His surprise is so sweet and unbelievably romantic that I'll only tease him a minimal amount for bringing over a heart-shaped waffle maker."
This, like many other lines, is so out of character. Claire is zero funny, zero sarcastic, zero teasing. Once again, trying too hard.
annoying quote number 13:
"Megan frowns. 'Wha--' 'No. You know what, I'm going to stop you right there. Some things are too big to be sorry for.'"
dafuq. Honestly. The only "bad thing" I recall them doing is the really bad phone prank, and that should be proof that Claire is awesome at being a dramaqueen as well.
annoying quote number 14:
"It's perfect. It shows off my legs and how tiny my waist is, but it has this ruching across the chest that makes my boobs look huge (for me)."
Oh. My. God. Here we go with modesty again. Also, not only is Claire super good at soccer and incredibly intelligent, she's also got a rocking bod. HOW COOL.
AND FINALLY
annoying quote number 15:
"I smile. I'ts good to know I'm irreplaceable."
Yup.
This book is awful in so many levels. I found grammar mistakes, I couldn't relate or even like any of the characters, all the relationships were beyond messed up, the main character was an obnoxious pretentious little shit, the writing was terrible and inconsistent.
I did like the dictionary-like entrances, but that's about it.
I couldn't make up my mind about Megan, because half of the time she was the worst excuse of a best friend ever and the other half she was totally sweet.
There is so much slut shaming it's embarrassing that a young woman dedicates her time to writing sexist shit aimed for teenagers.
I do not and cannot understand how the mother of a six year old can fall into that kind of depression and ditch her child like that, or how the father can allow that to happen and not do anything about it either.
The characters are all dumb as fuck. Everyone loves and adores Claire for some reason, and nobody seems to notice how horrible she actually is.
Claire is the most obnoxious main character I have ever come across. She's vain, self-centered, annoying, a bad friend, conceited, and so full of herself. I had to let myself cool down for a few days after finishing the book so that I could write a decent review, but just thinking about that goddamn awful character pisses me off. She's just so stupid. She's a stupid character disguised as a smart one. And I just cannot stand that kind of trickery.
Allen really does have no idea how teenagers really behave or interact, and it makes me so mad that clueless adults makes us seventeen year olds sound so pathetic.
But then I read the About the Author part it all made sense. Because Rachael Allen sounds just about as pretentious and annoying as Claire. "Lives in Atlanta, GA, where she's working furiously on her PhD in neuroscience. When she's not doing science or writing YA, you can find her chasing after her toddler and her two sled dogs." I really don't wanna be mean, but you cannot be good at everything. And choosing to put that on your book is just so urgh. Pretentious pretentious pretentious.
Honestly, it seems like Allen is just so full of herself she has written this book based on her perfect life.
Now, my life isn't bad at all so don't get the idea that I'm jealous. I'm just pissed because this book is horrible, and I now I feel like I've just read a bibliography disguised as contemporary YA.
But if none of this bothers you, then go ahead and read the book.
It is one of the worst books I have ever read.