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alysiaclark 's review for:
The Heart of the 5 Love Languages
by Gary Chapman
Listened to the audio book after having taken an online love languages quiz a couple of years ago. My husband and I are aware of our languages and have tried to dabble with applying the use of them. When we are expressing love to each other in the way we need it is definitely helpful for our marriage. I hoped reading the book would help me improve my understanding of the languages and things I can do to further strengthen my marriage.
I chose this shortened version because I am not religious and know Chapman and the book are deeply rooted in religion. I figured the shorter version would be more tolerable for me because of the religious difference. Still the book came across a bit alienating to someone who is not religious and may not speak well across multiple religions.
Chapmans gender stereotypes and beliefs are strongly woven from start to finish and in some cases made it difficult to listen. As a woman whose primary love language is physical touch I must be a damn unicorn in his eyes. Chapman’s talk about a physiological need for men to have sex because of semen production verses women who don’t have semen and apparently therefore only want sex for an emotional connection completely disregards simple biological facts like hormones and mens bodies reabsorbing semen (men who have had vasectomies still produce semen and their testicles aren’t exploding because the semen can’t escape).
Still after getting through it some of the ideas may be able to be applied. My husbands love language is Words of Affirmation which I’m not comfortable with and looking for words of affirmation others use is something I am going to try to do.
As someone who’s love language is physical touch I find it difficult to express the need for my “love tank” to be filled because letting my husband knows feels like initiating which in turn prevents me from feeling like my “tank” is being filled. The book was not helpful for me with finding a solution to this, maybe I need to read the version for men.
There are suggestions for the other love languages someone may find helpful but I can’t say with certainty. Acts of service sounds to me like wanting a maid or mother/father and not a spouse. I hate receiving gifts (got a zero for gifts on the quiz). Quality time was my 2nd highest on the quiz and I believe physical touch and quality time go hand-in-hand, as in you can’t have touch without someones time.
If you’re looking for more information about the love languages and can overlook the overt sexism and religion doesn’t bother you when being applied in a way that tells you to put aside your own boundaries to love another than this book might be for you.
I chose this shortened version because I am not religious and know Chapman and the book are deeply rooted in religion. I figured the shorter version would be more tolerable for me because of the religious difference. Still the book came across a bit alienating to someone who is not religious and may not speak well across multiple religions.
Chapmans gender stereotypes and beliefs are strongly woven from start to finish and in some cases made it difficult to listen. As a woman whose primary love language is physical touch I must be a damn unicorn in his eyes. Chapman’s talk about a physiological need for men to have sex because of semen production verses women who don’t have semen and apparently therefore only want sex for an emotional connection completely disregards simple biological facts like hormones and mens bodies reabsorbing semen (men who have had vasectomies still produce semen and their testicles aren’t exploding because the semen can’t escape).
Still after getting through it some of the ideas may be able to be applied. My husbands love language is Words of Affirmation which I’m not comfortable with and looking for words of affirmation others use is something I am going to try to do.
As someone who’s love language is physical touch I find it difficult to express the need for my “love tank” to be filled because letting my husband knows feels like initiating which in turn prevents me from feeling like my “tank” is being filled. The book was not helpful for me with finding a solution to this, maybe I need to read the version for men.
There are suggestions for the other love languages someone may find helpful but I can’t say with certainty. Acts of service sounds to me like wanting a maid or mother/father and not a spouse. I hate receiving gifts (got a zero for gifts on the quiz). Quality time was my 2nd highest on the quiz and I believe physical touch and quality time go hand-in-hand, as in you can’t have touch without someones time.
If you’re looking for more information about the love languages and can overlook the overt sexism and religion doesn’t bother you when being applied in a way that tells you to put aside your own boundaries to love another than this book might be for you.