A review by verystarry
It's Messy: Essays on Boys, Boobs, and Badass Women by Amanda de Cadenet

5.0

As an American my first glimpse of Amanda DeCadent was a picture I clipped for my scrapbook of her with Courtney Love in cream colored gowns and a tiara. I'm not afraid to admit my shallow thought was "Oh my god she's gorgeous". This was pre internet so I had to grill everyone and their older siblings on who she was. Most people just said she was a socialite married to the guy from Duran Duran. I didn't really know what the term socialite meant and I don't think that's fitting of who she was, but you know teenage America in the 90s. So I had this massive crush on her and just sort of admired from a distance. Then as the years went on I would find her name attached to my favorite photographs of Drew Barrymore, Heather Graham...and of course Keanu Reeves. She was an artist! In 2005 I bought her book "Rare Birds" and lost myself in the images. My first glimpse of her in person was when I was living in LA and a friend took me to a Strokes concert. I'm not going to lie and pretend I wasn't a big fan of theirs but holy shit was I late to the game on that band. 3rd album tour and I had no idea she was dating Nick. But there on the side of the stage stood this tiny beautiful blonde with her camera. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Not because I thought she was beautiful but because she was in a short dress and tights and she would lay down on the ground to get the perfect shot. I was transfixed watching her work. Our children are born a few months apart and I remember seeing her with her kiddos once at Whole Foods (ironically) and I really really wanted to run up to her and hug her and just say thank you. But I didn't want to bother her. Plus as a new mom I was so self conscious of how I looked. In hindsight ten years later I can see how I missed a moment there. I wish I would have known that we were both suffering and probably could have used that hug and conversation. Fuck. I want to point out specifically how important the chapters on motherhood and postpartum depression are. I didn't even realize until about a year ago that I spent two years after I stopped nursing my son with some of the most crippling depression of my life. The shame of those years being a blur to me are sharp and painful. I loved my son, we were bonded but I was miserable all of the time. I was numb. I didn't recognize it. I didn't have a support system around me. It's made me think a lot on how much we need to talk about that, how much I need to reflect on that and reach out to others.
I loved The Conversation when it started on her website, I was thrilled when it got a short run on cable tv. I'm thrilled this book has finally come to fruition. I read it in one sitting not because it was easy to read but because I couldn't put it down. Because I found myself in the pages. I read aloud parts of one chapter to my son and he said "That sounds JUST like you." And that's the thing about Ms Amanda, she IS just like me. And she's probably just like YOU too. Amanda, you are a true inspiration. One day I hope to be able to ask you a question that makes you say "That's a very smart question". Thank you for this book.