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A review by helpfulsnowman
Superman: American Alien by Max Landis
4.0
Lobo! The return of Lobo! The good one, the guy who is an asshole space biker. Not the Twilight-ed version of Lobo from The New 52.
I guess the space biker is a little anachronistic...but that's even MORE appealing to me at this point. And it makes all the sense in the world. Wouldn't a space biker, who spends his time killing people on distant planets for money, never stays put and bounces around the universe, wouldn't that person be woefully behind on what's cool? Wouldn't that person fit in terribly with the updated heroes of the New 52? Wouldn't that be great?
Of course, like most people, I've fantasized about being a space biker, a silver surfer, someone who could explore the cosmos. What would I do if I was an asshole space biker?
1. Get Bored
I'd probably be real fuckin' bored. I drove to Oregon, and that was far. If I could drive 1 million miles an hour, it'd still take a month to get to MARS, let alone somewhere really far.
2. Stick It To Science
I bet scientists would be like, "Please, just pick up some dust on Mars and bring it back in this jar. Just a tiny handful of Mars dust would teach us so much." I'd give 'em the thumbs up, ride off, and then come back later and be all, "Oh, you know what? I totally forgot. Next time for sure." They'd lose their shit.
3. Piss Off The World By Taking A Human To Mars
Which you would think would make everyone happy, but I'd pick the human that everyone LEAST wanted to see on Mars. Like Kim Kardashian. Kim Kardashian would now be famous FOREVER as the first person on Mars. Nobody could say she was famous for no reason. Take THAT!
4. Bring Back The Poo Bags The Apollo Astronauts Left On The Moon
I think you boys left some of your...refuse behind. Let's not go leaving poo bags on the Moon, huh fellas?
I guess the space biker is a little anachronistic...but that's even MORE appealing to me at this point. And it makes all the sense in the world. Wouldn't a space biker, who spends his time killing people on distant planets for money, never stays put and bounces around the universe, wouldn't that person be woefully behind on what's cool? Wouldn't that person fit in terribly with the updated heroes of the New 52? Wouldn't that be great?
Of course, like most people, I've fantasized about being a space biker, a silver surfer, someone who could explore the cosmos. What would I do if I was an asshole space biker?
1. Get Bored
I'd probably be real fuckin' bored. I drove to Oregon, and that was far. If I could drive 1 million miles an hour, it'd still take a month to get to MARS, let alone somewhere really far.
2. Stick It To Science
I bet scientists would be like, "Please, just pick up some dust on Mars and bring it back in this jar. Just a tiny handful of Mars dust would teach us so much." I'd give 'em the thumbs up, ride off, and then come back later and be all, "Oh, you know what? I totally forgot. Next time for sure." They'd lose their shit.
3. Piss Off The World By Taking A Human To Mars
Which you would think would make everyone happy, but I'd pick the human that everyone LEAST wanted to see on Mars. Like Kim Kardashian. Kim Kardashian would now be famous FOREVER as the first person on Mars. Nobody could say she was famous for no reason. Take THAT!
4. Bring Back The Poo Bags The Apollo Astronauts Left On The Moon
I think you boys left some of your...refuse behind. Let's not go leaving poo bags on the Moon, huh fellas?