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janine1122 's review for:
Over the Top: A Raw Journey to Self-Love
by Jonathan Van Ness
4.5 stars, rounded up.
After a really disappointing experience with Tan's book (I still love you Tan, I just struggled with your book - sorry!), I was so hesitant with this one. I didn't want anything to ruin the GORGEOUS view I have of JVN.
I am happy to report this did not at all disappoint. It's such an honest, vulnerable, well-written book, and I'm so glad he was brave enough to share his story. I think what is most remarkable about it is how relatable it is, even from the outset. I mean, aside from that fact that he literally mentions HANSON on page one (always a selling point for me), before the first chapter was through I found tears springing to my eyes at the honesty of what he was saying - He talks about how underneath his joyful, exuberant persona, lies this fear that "if you knew all of me, you wouldn't love me anymore." And I'll be damned if that isn't a fear I live with every single day of my life - do we all harbor that within us? He goes on to say, in the next paragraph:
I knew by page 7 I was going to love this book, and love it I did. Van Ness shares those various pieces that make him the person he is. It's his story, for sure, and at times it is a difficult one to reconcile with the person we see on our television screens, if only because it's hard to believe that someone who seems to have such a joy for life and comfort living in his own skin has been through so much pain in his life.
I think it's interesting the way he chooses to tell his story too. It's so easy to hear his voice as you're reading the pages (in fact, if you had never heard him speak, I would think there are a few turns of phrase that I don't know how they would read without his voice in your head). And he doesn't shy away from sharing some of the darkest things he's been through - abuse, bullying, addiction. Yet, he covers them without making a big deal out of them, if that makes sense. He doesn't gloss over the fact that he was sexually abuse at a young age, for example - he acknowledges that it happened, as well as the trauma it caused well into adulthood and the struggles that occurred when he told his family about it. But he also doesn't go into the gory details, as sometimes happens in books like this. He doesn't need to - his story makes its point without that.
I think one of the things that really stood out as I read was his ability - as an older, healthier version of himself - to look at some of those darkest times from a distance. To see what was really going on when he made the choices he did, or to understand that his parents were just doing the best they could for him, within the limitations of who they were as people. He really touched on the fact that we are all flawed. We all have pain, and we have all carried our trauma and experiences with us into our lives. We can be forgiven our mistakes - we just have to keep trying to do better. To be the best version of ourselves. A version of ourselves that WE are comfortable with, not one validated by those around us.
His story is powerful and raw and I love him all the more for sharing it.
After a really disappointing experience with Tan's book (I still love you Tan, I just struggled with your book - sorry!), I was so hesitant with this one. I didn't want anything to ruin the GORGEOUS view I have of JVN.
I am happy to report this did not at all disappoint. It's such an honest, vulnerable, well-written book, and I'm so glad he was brave enough to share his story. I think what is most remarkable about it is how relatable it is, even from the outset. I mean, aside from that fact that he literally mentions HANSON on page one (always a selling point for me), before the first chapter was through I found tears springing to my eyes at the honesty of what he was saying - He talks about how underneath his joyful, exuberant persona, lies this fear that "if you knew all of me, you wouldn't love me anymore." And I'll be damned if that isn't a fear I live with every single day of my life - do we all harbor that within us? He goes on to say, in the next paragraph:
I love everything packaged up neatly and put into an easily understandable box. I continue to realize that this is now how life works. Joy can live beside sorrow. Life is messy, unpredictable, and seldom tied into neat little boxes.
I knew by page 7 I was going to love this book, and love it I did. Van Ness shares those various pieces that make him the person he is. It's his story, for sure, and at times it is a difficult one to reconcile with the person we see on our television screens, if only because it's hard to believe that someone who seems to have such a joy for life and comfort living in his own skin has been through so much pain in his life.
I think it's interesting the way he chooses to tell his story too. It's so easy to hear his voice as you're reading the pages (in fact, if you had never heard him speak, I would think there are a few turns of phrase that I don't know how they would read without his voice in your head). And he doesn't shy away from sharing some of the darkest things he's been through - abuse, bullying, addiction. Yet, he covers them without making a big deal out of them, if that makes sense. He doesn't gloss over the fact that he was sexually abuse at a young age, for example - he acknowledges that it happened, as well as the trauma it caused well into adulthood and the struggles that occurred when he told his family about it. But he also doesn't go into the gory details, as sometimes happens in books like this. He doesn't need to - his story makes its point without that.
I think one of the things that really stood out as I read was his ability - as an older, healthier version of himself - to look at some of those darkest times from a distance. To see what was really going on when he made the choices he did, or to understand that his parents were just doing the best they could for him, within the limitations of who they were as people. He really touched on the fact that we are all flawed. We all have pain, and we have all carried our trauma and experiences with us into our lives. We can be forgiven our mistakes - we just have to keep trying to do better. To be the best version of ourselves. A version of ourselves that WE are comfortable with, not one validated by those around us.
His story is powerful and raw and I love him all the more for sharing it.