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A review by its_hay
We Could Be Beautiful by Swan Huntley
1.0
Swan Huntley has a pacing problem.
Maybe it's because I read her latest work before the debut, but trust me, it's apparent all-around. I don't know if it's a stylistic thing she thinks is cool or what, but it's happened twice and it does a disservice to the reader.
In WCBB, we follow Catherine West in her luxurious life - the massages, the hobby "job", the shopping - an effective way to promote that our narrator is aloof and out of touch with reality beyond her 1% realm, but when you really want some action to break up the monotony, you get the ~insert mysterious guy here~ schtick. OF COURSE, he's everything West wanted as a lonely, rich woman in her mid-40's, it's so by the book that it's really disappointing.
SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS
Other than some outbursts from her mother (that reveal nothing), the reader spends most of their time reading about West being wooed, moving in with her stranger lover quickly, and planning a wedding. When a ~reveal~ appears in regards to West's finances, the impact is muffled because of how obvious it was because of the mention of her throwing out her bank mail at every turn.
Things get juicy - but only for a moment - when it's revealed there's a connection between Lover Boy and Mommy Dearest, but our narrator is too dumb to even be cautious at this halfway point in WCBB. It's a chore to read her make defense after defense of her fiancee when even she continues to ask herself: who IS this guy? I feel like this is something where some true detective work could blossom and not wait to be hastily added in (like it was after more than half of the books was done). I was more interested in seeing what West was up to looking in her family's storage unit for clues with her BFF and pursuing the nanny than I was on all the time spent going over dialogue with her wedding planner.
I'm not saying there's a lack of detective work, but it's too much too late. We get the moment when she finds her mother's journal, then suddenly we get the nanny hunt, then it takes forever for the meeting between West and the nanny, then the reveal from the nanny feels rushed, and then we're in this weird limbo where ONLY NOW does West wonder where her fiancee has run off to.
Then it's back to more action items that seem added in just to check off some boxes: little boy fiancee tutors is scared of the guy more so implying he's a creep rather than a guy that hates kids, suddenly fiancee grabs West a little too roughly for the FIRST TIME and leaves a giant bruise on her arm OUT OF NOWHERE. These are cast off because of the fact that the threat doesn't have a solid foundation. Did West's fiancee do something creepy or violent to her mom? No? Um????
Then we're here at the last bit of action where it's like: boom, your fiancee slept with your drunk mom (but we're going to ignore the fact that this is like a double rape since he was only 17 and she was drunk) and then suddenly you learn your sister is your fiancee's daughter with your mother?
The way WCBB was slapped together in the end and the cheesy "I just needed love after all" ending is so...tacky and messy. If you need to have a 400-page book and have the most important actions and info be present when you're in the 300-page mark, then you need to cut down the clutter in that's weighing down the beginning of your story. Jesus.
Maybe it's because I read her latest work before the debut, but trust me, it's apparent all-around. I don't know if it's a stylistic thing she thinks is cool or what, but it's happened twice and it does a disservice to the reader.
In WCBB, we follow Catherine West in her luxurious life - the massages, the hobby "job", the shopping - an effective way to promote that our narrator is aloof and out of touch with reality beyond her 1% realm, but when you really want some action to break up the monotony, you get the ~insert mysterious guy here~ schtick. OF COURSE, he's everything West wanted as a lonely, rich woman in her mid-40's, it's so by the book that it's really disappointing.
SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS
Other than some outbursts from her mother (that reveal nothing), the reader spends most of their time reading about West being wooed, moving in with her stranger lover quickly, and planning a wedding. When a ~reveal~ appears in regards to West's finances, the impact is muffled because of how obvious it was because of the mention of her throwing out her bank mail at every turn.
Things get juicy - but only for a moment - when it's revealed there's a connection between Lover Boy and Mommy Dearest, but our narrator is too dumb to even be cautious at this halfway point in WCBB. It's a chore to read her make defense after defense of her fiancee when even she continues to ask herself: who IS this guy? I feel like this is something where some true detective work could blossom and not wait to be hastily added in (like it was after more than half of the books was done). I was more interested in seeing what West was up to looking in her family's storage unit for clues with her BFF and pursuing the nanny than I was on all the time spent going over dialogue with her wedding planner.
I'm not saying there's a lack of detective work, but it's too much too late. We get the moment when she finds her mother's journal, then suddenly we get the nanny hunt, then it takes forever for the meeting between West and the nanny, then the reveal from the nanny feels rushed, and then we're in this weird limbo where ONLY NOW does West wonder where her fiancee has run off to.
Then it's back to more action items that seem added in just to check off some boxes: little boy fiancee tutors is scared of the guy more so implying he's a creep rather than a guy that hates kids, suddenly fiancee grabs West a little too roughly for the FIRST TIME and leaves a giant bruise on her arm OUT OF NOWHERE. These are cast off because of the fact that the threat doesn't have a solid foundation. Did West's fiancee do something creepy or violent to her mom? No? Um????
Then we're here at the last bit of action where it's like: boom, your fiancee slept with your drunk mom (but we're going to ignore the fact that this is like a double rape since he was only 17 and she was drunk) and then suddenly you learn your sister is your fiancee's daughter with your mother?
The way WCBB was slapped together in the end and the cheesy "I just needed love after all" ending is so...tacky and messy. If you need to have a 400-page book and have the most important actions and info be present when you're in the 300-page mark, then you need to cut down the clutter in that's weighing down the beginning of your story. Jesus.