A review by nashwa017
Eye on the Prize by Safinah Danish Elahi

1.0

You know, this year, I was on a mission to read Pakistani books to improve my relationship with them, and I've picked up some really good ones over the last month but this book has defeated me. I don't want to read such stories in 2020 and I don't want to pick another Pakistani book again. But before you react, let me be clear - as a Pakistani reader, I hold Pakistani writers to a higher standard because I know they have potential and they can tell really good stories. Unfortunately, this is not what I expect from a new generation of writers, I expect crisp story-telling, characters that resemble real life humans and set in a Pakistan which realistically looks like the country we live in today. Is that too much to ask for?

I was drawn to this book because I thought it would talk about modern parenthood, and raising kids in this day and age. A story revolving around that would have been just fine with me. So that right there is wasted potential. Another arc that the author briefly brushed upon is that of mental illness and I would have loved for her to do a deep dive on anxiety. Sometimes human beings have anxiety because they get bogged down by real life situations - work, family, trying to be a good person, constantly watching the news etc. Anxiety can exist without major trauma but a character in this book had anxiety because 11 years ago, she had a drunken one night stand, got pregnant as a 17 year old year, gave birth and then promptly gave the child up for adoption. All mentioned in the span of half a page.
WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK.

Also, where in Pakistan does a single, unwed mother give birth in secrecy and the society doesn’t rip her to shreds?! Here you gain half a kilo and aunties don’t leave you alone and this teen gave birth to a whole child?!

Apart from that, this book is messy. We follow three couples and five children - and all of them are cardboard cutouts, cliches, stereotypes and just uninteresting people. We have the ambitious lady who has no time for family so her husband ends up having an affair, then we have the guilt and anxiety ridden woman with a secret child whose husband's family doesn't allow her to work and then we have a conniving, money hungry salon owner who hates the rich ladies. See what I mean?

If you followed all of that, congratulations but in all honesty - this book reads like a Star Plus Drama from the early 2000s - "Kahani Ghar Ghar ki" come alive on the page. It's literally really cheesy dialogue, random people having affairs, illegitimate children, women hating on each other and men talking like desi dude-bros. “I was just opening Chardonnay from my dad’s private collection” - because that’s how dads in their mid-30s talk.

The thing is that I don't mind explicit, raunchy content but if you're going to write a book about the lifestyle, then commit to it. I mean, sex and affairs are already implied off the page in a tame way but if that's what the book is about - then explore, make it that daring? Show the reader the grit of sex, drugs, and rock n roll? The idea behind this book is essentially this - a bunch of good looking people who all have tragic back stories and have been with each other, at some point.

Another thing that explores is alcohol - no, no, not what excessive consumption does to your body, or how it could have an effect on your life, work and relationships but a laundry list of liquors that you can buy - a list of names thrown in between random sentences - bacardi, chardonnay, white wine, vodka, whisky, gin and tonic - I mean, in all likelihood in the editing process - the author probably said "Siri, give me names of alcohol" and then promptly sprinkled them into her draft.

Shall we also get to the technical mistakes? Of course, we shall - that's why we're here. There's a random scene in this book which I think either the publishers forgot to take out or edit. The timeline makes no sense because Nanny Martha who was fired and deported is back in that scene. Then there's another scene which starts with Minahil driving the car during which she has an argument with Bilal and then somehow, Bilal is behind the wheel and parking..what? (pg 105-108)
Also, the typos- on page 138 - it says - "she though" instead of "she thought."

I think I'll stop now, I've spent way too much time on this review. My ONLY saving grace is that I borrowed this book from the library, it's going back and I don't have to be burdened with its existence. But I spent time on it and that's sad enough as it is.