A review by s4lmaa
My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell

5.0

So the thing about My Dark Vanessa is that it makes you feel so much.

While reading this book I found myself constantly being mad at the 15teen years old Vanessa. At the "HOW DUMB IS SHE??" but then I really hated myself. Vanessa was a child. Vanessa had to romanticize her relationship with her 42 years old English teacher to bear the feeling of everything.

I really hated how she was always trying to justify Jacob Strane. It made furious but I could sympathize with her. I mean, at the end of the day she was a child. A manipulated, raped, groomed child.

When I was reading her older self, her 32 and 21 years old self I was confused. I was asking myself "Why does she think like that?", "Why does she villainize other women that went through her same situation?", "She's a grown woman". But Vanessa never came into terms to what happened to her, she couldn't accept that she was groomed by her teacher, and this took me a while to realize.
It's not even about realizing it, it was there. It was something I completely understood. It just took me a while to bring it at the front. But doing it helped me understand and sympathize with her.

When it comes to Strane.
I hate him. I hated how he manipulated everything to work on his side. I hate the things that he did to Vanessa and the other girls. I hate this rapist, manipulator and let's not forget PEDOPHILE. Realizing why he got a vasectomy makes me want to throw up.

Another point. I loved the references and parallelisms between the books and poems. I liked how Lolita was brought into this book. Seeing how Vanessa applied it to her situation. How she saw herself in that book. I say like, because even though it is disgusting, it's real. It's real how a lot of people still romanticize books where pedophilia is treated.

I am really sad that this book ended. I expected another ending but to be honest, this is as realistic as it can be.

I am young. I am aware of the things that happen on the daily. I know that there are millions of Vanessas out there. Women that still justify their groomer, their rapist, their sexual assaulter, their anything. And I really hope that these women get the help that they need and to have the courage to come forward and speak their history.

Last edit 18 of may 2023