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A review by lian
The Archaeology of Loss: Life, Love and the Art of Dying by Sarah Tarlow
challenging
dark
emotional
sad
slow-paced
3.5
It's very difficult to review a memoir, most of all when it's so personal as this one. After reading this book, which tells a heartbreaking story about the spouse of the author who died from suicide after an undiagnosed illness made their life increasingly difficult, it feels inappropriate to critique the book. It's written very well, and I grew to really care for Sarah and Mark. Her thoughts on how lacking our societal conversation is about caregiving (we don't want to talk about how difficult it can be, and we tend to shift the focus to how noble and loving caregiving is - even when it isn't) are excellent and needed.
However, I feel like the focus of this book was not so much on loss, but more on being a caregiver, and so, it didn't really meet my expectations. Not to say that it isn't an important topic as well, but I felt like I didn't really read what I had expected to read about (which was, Sarah's personal experience of loss in the context of archaeology and the human experience of loss throughout history).
Finally, a little afterthought for this review. Something in the final chapter bothered me a little: Sarah's insistence that we should coin a new term for a suicide which doesn't stem from mental illness, because "his was an act of courage and love. Say 'suicide' and people think of the desperate act of an otherwise healthy individual succumbing to severe depression. [..] with the right help, this kind of suicide should not be inevitable: their depression could have been treated."
As someone with my own experience in bereavement by suicide, this bugs me a little. Depression is not always treatable. Suicides where the person has mental ilnessess can be an act of courage and love too. My personal take is, let's expand this rigid definition of suicide and work to erase the stigma, instead of coining a new term so some people circumvent this stigma.
I definitely understand where she's coming from though. It can be hard to be confronted with people's assumptions and feelings, and I'm glad this book exists to try and help break open the conversation surrounding not only suicide, but death, caregiving, and terminal illness as well.
However, I feel like the focus of this book was not so much on loss, but more on being a caregiver, and so, it didn't really meet my expectations. Not to say that it isn't an important topic as well, but I felt like I didn't really read what I had expected to read about (which was, Sarah's personal experience of loss in the context of archaeology and the human experience of loss throughout history).
Finally, a little afterthought for this review. Something in the final chapter bothered me a little: Sarah's insistence that we should coin a new term for a suicide which doesn't stem from mental illness, because "his was an act of courage and love. Say 'suicide' and people think of the desperate act of an otherwise healthy individual succumbing to severe depression. [..] with the right help, this kind of suicide should not be inevitable: their depression could have been treated."
As someone with my own experience in bereavement by suicide, this bugs me a little. Depression is not always treatable. Suicides where the person has mental ilnessess can be an act of courage and love too. My personal take is, let's expand this rigid definition of suicide and work to erase the stigma, instead of coining a new term so some people circumvent this stigma.
I definitely understand where she's coming from though. It can be hard to be confronted with people's assumptions and feelings, and I'm glad this book exists to try and help break open the conversation surrounding not only suicide, but death, caregiving, and terminal illness as well.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Chronic illness, Suicide, Terminal illness, and Suicidal thoughts