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nicolesterling 's review for:
The Prettiest Star
by Carter Sickels
(Spoilers ahead) I have mixed feelings about this book. It’s really well written and absolutely heartbreaking! But for a book about what it’s like to be a gay man with aids in the 80s, we BARELY get Brian’s perspective. And when we do, we only get to hear about him being sick and only glimpses of what his life was like in New York.
The rest of the book we’re mainly following the mom, Sharon, and the sister, Jess. And all we hear is how hard their life is having a gay son/brother and how it’s ruining their life. And I understand that it’s realistic for the time period and these probably were how family members actually felt at the time. My problem is the balance. Because you are just reading these hateful thoughts from multiple people, and then we go to Brian who is withering away and recording these goodbye tapes.
As a queer person, I was wishing we could see the harm of the parents and sibling having these thoughts or that it would be addressed. Or that we could learn more about Brian. Because for me, this just reminded me why as a queer person we cut off family members, leave our church, and move to a new city. The whole time, I could not understand why Brian came back to die here, surrounded by so much hatred.
And this is probably a point the author was making, but the fact that some people don’t come around till Brian is literally about to die?!?! So tragic and I just hate these other characters (except the grandma, she’s a real one).
But the mom said something interesting that makes me think this book is not for me… In the end the mom says, “exhausted, sobbing, I collapse, and as I reach for the wadded up blankets, hugging them to me and trying to hold onto something, to keep my son from leaving this terrible, beautiful world, the rock star looks up at me from the floor not with judgement but something else, understanding, or maybe, I hope, forgiveness”.
That word, forgiveness…. The second I read it, I immediately knew this book would resonate well with people like my mom (Christians who used to be hateful towards queer people). Because it really feels like we’re following their journey, how the mom’s world gets turned upside down when her son comes home as gay and with aids. How troublesome it is for her, but she has to get over herself to take care of him. But it’s all so hard and she needs to forgive herself… no she needs the son to forgive her. And I’m sorry, but I personally don’t like that kind of messaging. I don’t think the mother is owed an apology (yes it’s nice), but she should love and take care of her son regardless.
This book was just hard for me. I might say the same thing over and over so I’ll stop here. But I wanted to share one last quote that I’ll never get over. During one of Brian’s POV, he was talking about his boyfriend and said, “When Shawn died, the grief stunned me. I'd never known death, not like that-some-one so close to me, someone I'd had inside me. His tongue, his dick, his fingers.” This just felt so explicit for no reason. Also right after saying he died and talking about his grief… it just didn’t feel right. And almost felt show-ey. Like to prove his gayness.
Also the mom at the end said her son looked like a creature at the end and was no longer her son.
Overall, a tragic sad story that I think is meant for non queer people to read. This could help them get a better insight of the time…but this was just not for me.
The rest of the book we’re mainly following the mom, Sharon, and the sister, Jess. And all we hear is how hard their life is having a gay son/brother and how it’s ruining their life. And I understand that it’s realistic for the time period and these probably were how family members actually felt at the time. My problem is the balance. Because you are just reading these hateful thoughts from multiple people, and then we go to Brian who is withering away and recording these goodbye tapes.
As a queer person, I was wishing we could see the harm of the parents and sibling having these thoughts or that it would be addressed. Or that we could learn more about Brian. Because for me, this just reminded me why as a queer person we cut off family members, leave our church, and move to a new city. The whole time, I could not understand why Brian came back to die here, surrounded by so much hatred.
And this is probably a point the author was making, but the fact that some people don’t come around till Brian is literally about to die?!?! So tragic and I just hate these other characters (except the grandma, she’s a real one).
But the mom said something interesting that makes me think this book is not for me… In the end the mom says, “exhausted, sobbing, I collapse, and as I reach for the wadded up blankets, hugging them to me and trying to hold onto something, to keep my son from leaving this terrible, beautiful world, the rock star looks up at me from the floor not with judgement but something else, understanding, or maybe, I hope, forgiveness”.
That word, forgiveness…. The second I read it, I immediately knew this book would resonate well with people like my mom (Christians who used to be hateful towards queer people). Because it really feels like we’re following their journey, how the mom’s world gets turned upside down when her son comes home as gay and with aids. How troublesome it is for her, but she has to get over herself to take care of him. But it’s all so hard and she needs to forgive herself… no she needs the son to forgive her. And I’m sorry, but I personally don’t like that kind of messaging. I don’t think the mother is owed an apology (yes it’s nice), but she should love and take care of her son regardless.
This book was just hard for me. I might say the same thing over and over so I’ll stop here. But I wanted to share one last quote that I’ll never get over. During one of Brian’s POV, he was talking about his boyfriend and said, “When Shawn died, the grief stunned me. I'd never known death, not like that-some-one so close to me, someone I'd had inside me. His tongue, his dick, his fingers.” This just felt so explicit for no reason. Also right after saying he died and talking about his grief… it just didn’t feel right. And almost felt show-ey. Like to prove his gayness.
Also the mom at the end said her son looked like a creature at the end and was no longer her son.
Overall, a tragic sad story that I think is meant for non queer people to read. This could help them get a better insight of the time…but this was just not for me.