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A review by sutoscience
The Recruit by Robert Muchamore
1.0
Dear God, how is this book not a joke? How on earth did this get published?
I demand to know who encouraged Robert Muchamore to publish this. Please step forward and explain yourself.
Listen, everybody, I really wanted to love this book, I did. A young adult novel about spies who belong to an organization that doesn't exist? YES PLEASE! This is my genre, you don't even understand.
But really, the writing is unbearable to the point where you have to put down the book and take a breather in order to not smash something in a fit of frustration. Even in the "Young Adult Fluff" category, this book is ridiculous.
JUDGE FOR YOURSELF:
The book begins with this pessimistic twelve year old- aptly named James Choke- who hates everything. I hate Combined science, he whines. I hate the mean girl next to me who keeps making "Yo' momma so fat" jokes. But it turns out his Mom really is fat. She had to "order her clothes out of a special catalog for fat people" and her own son is ashamed of being seen with her.
But that stereotypical mean girl, she's more than our supposedly tough character can take. Girls teasing him apparently sends him into bouts of rage not unlike The Hulk.
So, our unstable main character shoves her up against a wall during the middle of class, where some really confusing action occurs. Apparently he shoves her against said wall, and turns her around so quickly a protruding nail gets stuck in her face.
Then his teacher tells him that "...you are in some extremely serious trouble!"
Uhh, I think that's an understatement. Filled with pointless modifiers.
So then this girl-injuring twelve year old "couldn't face up to what he'd done. No one would believe it was an accident."
You just shoved a girl's face into a protruding nail. She's bleeding and crying and all he can think is, "IT WAS AN ACCIDENT". Right, so then what happens next is an accident, too? Just blame everything on chance, why don't you!
So he then proceeds to skip the apologizing, shoves the teacher so hard that she "toppled backwards, limbs flipping helplessly in the air like a beetle turned upside down." When you (and by you I mean adult-sized teacher probably twice the size of your students) get shoved by a twelve year old, do you stumble back a step, or do you fall over because you have no sense of balance, and continue to flail like an insect?
Seriously, now. Seriously. Can this book get any worse?
BUT IT DOES.
Any normal abusive twelve year old who just assaulted two women would go to juvie, at the least. But no, he gets drafted into a secret spy society where he can go whine and complain about how his life sucks.
IN CONCLUSION.
This book is a disgrace to the spy genre. It's not only implausible and stupid, but the writing is horrendous. As a young adult, I blame these kind of books for watering down the 'young adult' genre. As an aspiring writer, I had a good laugh about how awful Robert Muchamore's writing is, and have learned many lessons from reading what I could bear of this book.
Namely, abusive, angst-ridden twelve year old boys who brutalize women without remorse don't make good main characters.
Also, James Choke? Really? What kind of name is that?
I rest my case.
I demand to know who encouraged Robert Muchamore to publish this. Please step forward and explain yourself.
Listen, everybody, I really wanted to love this book, I did. A young adult novel about spies who belong to an organization that doesn't exist? YES PLEASE! This is my genre, you don't even understand.
But really, the writing is unbearable to the point where you have to put down the book and take a breather in order to not smash something in a fit of frustration. Even in the "Young Adult Fluff" category, this book is ridiculous.
JUDGE FOR YOURSELF:
The book begins with this pessimistic twelve year old- aptly named James Choke- who hates everything. I hate Combined science, he whines. I hate the mean girl next to me who keeps making "Yo' momma so fat" jokes. But it turns out his Mom really is fat. She had to "order her clothes out of a special catalog for fat people" and her own son is ashamed of being seen with her.
But that stereotypical mean girl, she's more than our supposedly tough character can take. Girls teasing him apparently sends him into bouts of rage not unlike The Hulk.
So, our unstable main character shoves her up against a wall during the middle of class, where some really confusing action occurs. Apparently he shoves her against said wall, and turns her around so quickly a protruding nail gets stuck in her face.
Then his teacher tells him that "...you are in some extremely serious trouble!"
Uhh, I think that's an understatement. Filled with pointless modifiers.
So then this girl-injuring twelve year old "couldn't face up to what he'd done. No one would believe it was an accident."
You just shoved a girl's face into a protruding nail. She's bleeding and crying and all he can think is, "IT WAS AN ACCIDENT". Right, so then what happens next is an accident, too? Just blame everything on chance, why don't you!
So he then proceeds to skip the apologizing, shoves the teacher so hard that she "toppled backwards, limbs flipping helplessly in the air like a beetle turned upside down." When you (and by you I mean adult-sized teacher probably twice the size of your students) get shoved by a twelve year old, do you stumble back a step, or do you fall over because you have no sense of balance, and continue to flail like an insect?
Seriously, now. Seriously. Can this book get any worse?
BUT IT DOES.
Any normal abusive twelve year old who just assaulted two women would go to juvie, at the least. But no, he gets drafted into a secret spy society where he can go whine and complain about how his life sucks.
IN CONCLUSION.
This book is a disgrace to the spy genre. It's not only implausible and stupid, but the writing is horrendous. As a young adult, I blame these kind of books for watering down the 'young adult' genre. As an aspiring writer, I had a good laugh about how awful Robert Muchamore's writing is, and have learned many lessons from reading what I could bear of this book.
Namely, abusive, angst-ridden twelve year old boys who brutalize women without remorse don't make good main characters.
Also, James Choke? Really? What kind of name is that?
I rest my case.