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A review by drgnlv
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman
1.0
I struggle with rating this book anything more than one star because it is extremely heteronormative, misogynistic, and religiously restrictive. However, I think that these issues are the result of its author, rather than the ideas in the book. The concepts presented in this book, once I shook off their disgusting patriarchal rhetoric, were sound and Truthful. I honestly believe that Chapman discovered a fundamental aspect of love, which is a tremendous feat. When I got to the chapter which talked about my primary love language, I literally burst into tears and could not stop sobbing. For the first time in my life, I understood what love I craved most from the people in my life and, most importantly, I felt validated in that desire, like it was okay to want and ask for those things. I wasn't a freak. I was just speaking a love language that society tells me not to speak. Finishing this book was the first step in my ongoing journey towards transcending this societal expectation.
Here's the truth: I am a young woman, but my primary love language is Physical Touch. In Chapman's book, almost every example of couples shows a woman whose language is Acts of Service and a man whose language is Physical Touch. While the world around me, and even this book, told me that I shouldn't want physical affection as much as I do, the chapter on Physical Touch was like someone reaching out to tell me that it's okay to be who I am. My understanding of myself burst open and I felt like I was given permission to be who I am and love how I love. I am disappointed that so many of Chapman's own biases and clear stereotypes are included in this book, but it still helped me. If this book can help just one more person to accept themselves and ask for love in their primary language, then it is worth it to share my story in this review.
A few words of advice: Supplement this book with additional interpretations online and discussions with your significant other. Not everything Chapman says is good or right, but his theory can possibly open a door to other interpretations which work better for you than the opinions touted in the book.
Recommended, but with reservations.
Here's the truth: I am a young woman, but my primary love language is Physical Touch. In Chapman's book, almost every example of couples shows a woman whose language is Acts of Service and a man whose language is Physical Touch. While the world around me, and even this book, told me that I shouldn't want physical affection as much as I do, the chapter on Physical Touch was like someone reaching out to tell me that it's okay to be who I am. My understanding of myself burst open and I felt like I was given permission to be who I am and love how I love. I am disappointed that so many of Chapman's own biases and clear stereotypes are included in this book, but it still helped me. If this book can help just one more person to accept themselves and ask for love in their primary language, then it is worth it to share my story in this review.
A few words of advice: Supplement this book with additional interpretations online and discussions with your significant other. Not everything Chapman says is good or right, but his theory can possibly open a door to other interpretations which work better for you than the opinions touted in the book.
Recommended, but with reservations.