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A review by rubywarhol
Mask Off: Masculinity Redefined by J.J. Bola
4.0
Mask off (4/5)
I read this with my partner and he said he was putting off reading the last chapter because he enjoyed reading it so much. It's very dense and gives brief introductions to all the basics of feminism and (toxic) masculinity with some background information. Despite the abundance of information, the tone was gently thought-provoking, encouraging, and honest.
I would recommend it to anyone who wants to get into feminist literature and is looking for a place to start. It was the perfect length and casual/conversational writing style, clearly written for 'the average man', not just posh politics graduates.
Using clear language and a good mix of theory and personal examples, always with an intersectional view, JJ Bola explains myths of masculinity in areas such as childcare, flirting, and emotional expression, and does a good job at examining anger issues and domestic violence, particularly how society raises boys to see violence as positive and normal, while also touching upon queerness, mental health, love, sex, incels and rape culture, political extremism, sports, and social media. He also addresses the concerns a lot of men have about feminism, and what they might struggle to understand.
I learned some new things about class and sports, some interesting studies and statistics, and more about differences in masculinity expectations for Black men, and how things like male affection and the act of holding each other accountable are dealt with in some African countries or minority communities in Britain.
The theory was broken down really well with stories and explanations of basic concepts, and the concrete calls for action in the conclusion were helpful – especially reading more, and writing more, which I've been saying as well, so it was good to have that confirmed by a famous person – but more practical tips throughout the book would have made it more applicable to the real world, especially on how to intervene and spark change in society as a man without subjecting yourself to mockery because everyone else was raised under the system as well, and by going against it you might even put yourself in danger.
This is what I was missing a little in the book: A lot of men know on an individual level that it's okay to cry (although it's probably still nice to hear it from another man), but that doesn't change the way their environment reacts to it. The problem isn't only what men aren't doing, it's also what's not acceptable for men to do, because sadly not everyone has read this book. And it's not as easy as "just doing it" because it'll only make that particular man a victim of the system for being "too feminine" - unless he is already at the top of the food chain and seen as a "manly man", e.g. a rich athlete with a traditionally masculine appearance; then he might be allowed to have a little depression as a treat. This is similar with women: Julia Roberts can have armpit hair and be loved for it, but I – a woman of colour who doesn't fit into most beauty standards and is also not a famous actress – was bullied in school when mine started to grow.
As a crash course in awareness of societal structures and power dynamics, this book works well. Now we need solutions for how to actively dismantle the system if no one else seems bothered by it.
I read this with my partner and he said he was putting off reading the last chapter because he enjoyed reading it so much. It's very dense and gives brief introductions to all the basics of feminism and (toxic) masculinity with some background information. Despite the abundance of information, the tone was gently thought-provoking, encouraging, and honest.
I would recommend it to anyone who wants to get into feminist literature and is looking for a place to start. It was the perfect length and casual/conversational writing style, clearly written for 'the average man', not just posh politics graduates.
Using clear language and a good mix of theory and personal examples, always with an intersectional view, JJ Bola explains myths of masculinity in areas such as childcare, flirting, and emotional expression, and does a good job at examining anger issues and domestic violence, particularly how society raises boys to see violence as positive and normal, while also touching upon queerness, mental health, love, sex, incels and rape culture, political extremism, sports, and social media. He also addresses the concerns a lot of men have about feminism, and what they might struggle to understand.
I learned some new things about class and sports, some interesting studies and statistics, and more about differences in masculinity expectations for Black men, and how things like male affection and the act of holding each other accountable are dealt with in some African countries or minority communities in Britain.
The theory was broken down really well with stories and explanations of basic concepts, and the concrete calls for action in the conclusion were helpful – especially reading more, and writing more, which I've been saying as well, so it was good to have that confirmed by a famous person – but more practical tips throughout the book would have made it more applicable to the real world, especially on how to intervene and spark change in society as a man without subjecting yourself to mockery because everyone else was raised under the system as well, and by going against it you might even put yourself in danger.
This is what I was missing a little in the book: A lot of men know on an individual level that it's okay to cry (although it's probably still nice to hear it from another man), but that doesn't change the way their environment reacts to it. The problem isn't only what men aren't doing, it's also what's not acceptable for men to do, because sadly not everyone has read this book. And it's not as easy as "just doing it" because it'll only make that particular man a victim of the system for being "too feminine" - unless he is already at the top of the food chain and seen as a "manly man", e.g. a rich athlete with a traditionally masculine appearance; then he might be allowed to have a little depression as a treat. This is similar with women: Julia Roberts can have armpit hair and be loved for it, but I – a woman of colour who doesn't fit into most beauty standards and is also not a famous actress – was bullied in school when mine started to grow.
As a crash course in awareness of societal structures and power dynamics, this book works well. Now we need solutions for how to actively dismantle the system if no one else seems bothered by it.