A review by emilyinherhead
Rules for Visiting by Jessica Francis Kane

emotional informative reflective fast-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? Yes
• Diverse cast of characters? No
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

Beowulf is a violent epic about the dangers of being friendless. There’s a party, the misfit is not invited, he sulks outside, then comes in, wreaks havoc, and is killed. (50)

I’m aware not everyone feels the way I do about trees, but I have no idea why not. (246)

Rules for Visiting is a book about friendship and trees. The main character, May, is a university botanist entering her forties, who is single, childfree, and living with her 80-year-old father. Her mother died years ago, but we don’t fully learn the details until the end—all we know is that it hit May hard, and that she has struggled with feelings of isolation in the intervening years.

When May unexpectedly receives a month of sabbatical leave from her job, she decides to split the time up and use it to make short visits to the four women she considers her closest friends, even though she hasn’t been very in touch with any of them in quite some time. Along the way, she ponders the role of these relationships in her life, and slowly learns how to be a good guest and a better friend.

Meanwhile, her aging father has been attempting to select a species to request as his memorial tree when he eventually passes away, and he periodically sends May “tree sheets” with facts about the ones he is considering. I loved all the tidbits I gleaned from these interludes in the book! One of my favorites was about Ginkgo biloba, which is so tenacious that several of them located just one or two kilometers from the atom bomb explosion in Hiroshima not only survived the blast but are still standing today. I also went down a Google rabbit hole about the 3,000- to 5,000-year-old Fortingall yew tree in Scotland. Am I about to plan an epic pilgrimage to see all the cool trees I just learned about??

The end of May’s story is lovely and satisfying without being too tidy. I appreciated her acknowledgment of the difficult and awkward parts of existing in community, even as she grew in her ability to relate to her friends and neighbors. And the solution to the memorial tree quandary felt pretty perfect to me.

I’d recommend this book to folks who enjoy reading about well-intentioned messes. May wasn’t quite as quirky as an Emily Austin protagonist, but the vibes were similar. I was also reminded a little of Beautyland by Marie-Helene Bertino. Rules for Visiting was squarely in my wheelhouse and will definitely be among my favorites of this year.