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A review by lovegriefandgender
How to Think More About Sex by Alain de Botton
informative
reflective
fast-paced
2.5
The most are-straight-people-ok? book I've ever read. Anyone who claims that sex lasting over two hours is unusual has no lesbian friends. No, I will not expand.
The only mention of queer lives at all comes in the chapter on Pornography, where lesbians and "shemales" are categories of fantasy. There is no nuance on the subject of pornography, nor on its use as sex education for a vast number of people -- rightly or wrongly -- it is merely a depraved and senseless waste of time. Marquis de Sade, incidentally, was a sick man unworthy of exploration in a book about sex in the modern world.
Don't bother talking about Polyamory or ethical non-monogamy Alain! Just tell us that cheating is naïve and that people who feel betrayed when cheated on are denying a basic truth.
None of this lack of scope would bother me, however, if it wasn't presented as a series of universal truths, perforated by the sanctimonious "we" to describe everyone's experiences of sex through the most vanilla cishet couples imaginable. Do I expect to be pandered to? No. But I don't expect to be ignored in a book about "us", then mentioned as somebody's deranged wet dream.
I could go on with the endless things this book claims to cover but doesn't, but I'll stop. Truth be told, there are some really interesting ideas here, especially when talking about art and the framing of beauty and purpose; as well as the very human fear of sexual rejection. It's important to read things we don't agree with sometimes. That's my takeaway.
The only mention of queer lives at all comes in the chapter on Pornography, where lesbians and "shemales" are categories of fantasy. There is no nuance on the subject of pornography, nor on its use as sex education for a vast number of people -- rightly or wrongly -- it is merely a depraved and senseless waste of time. Marquis de Sade, incidentally, was a sick man unworthy of exploration in a book about sex in the modern world.
Don't bother talking about Polyamory or ethical non-monogamy Alain! Just tell us that cheating is naïve and that people who feel betrayed when cheated on are denying a basic truth.
None of this lack of scope would bother me, however, if it wasn't presented as a series of universal truths, perforated by the sanctimonious "we" to describe everyone's experiences of sex through the most vanilla cishet couples imaginable. Do I expect to be pandered to? No. But I don't expect to be ignored in a book about "us", then mentioned as somebody's deranged wet dream.
I could go on with the endless things this book claims to cover but doesn't, but I'll stop. Truth be told, there are some really interesting ideas here, especially when talking about art and the framing of beauty and purpose; as well as the very human fear of sexual rejection. It's important to read things we don't agree with sometimes. That's my takeaway.